… this is serious?
for me it read as a mockery of the prudery of the anglosaxons.
my god, spare us from the anglo-prudery.
it is so preciously stereotype of the sensitive prude american… but you are serious claiming you did this monologue?
Mme Deneuve is very right about this tendency.
There wasn’t a script (I’d wing it), but that was the spirit of it, yeah. Most of the women I dated (including my eventual wife) were not American, but at least in my experience the response was overwhelmingly positive. My tone of voice probably had something to do with it – it was a laid back “hey, whatever you want is cool with me” tone of voice, if that makes any sense.
Thanks. That was exactly my reaction, but I thought better of posting it, thinking maybe I’m just a clueless male.
The affirmation at every step of the way would never work with me, anyway. Because if my partner has enough cognitive function left in his brain to form a single coherent sentence while in bed with me, I’m off my game.
I didn’t mean to get into an intimate discussion requiring a defense of my own tendencies when I was dating, so I think I’ll bow out, as I’m getting less and less comfortable with every post. I have a great relationship with my wife, so I’ll leave it at that.
Exactely.
Well, some people wish for a genderless society. Other people just want more flexibility about what gender to belong to, instead of being assigned to one on the basis of their parts. Independent of that, there are plenty of people who want to correct a power imbalance and give women sexual self-determination, but who don’t see that as incompatible with keeping gender around more or less as we have it.
There are a few of us going around making the claim that gender has the power imbalances built into it, that they’re eroticized as part of what gender is to people. But even among us there’s no consensus about whether that means gender has to be tossed out entirely.
But what does " feeling forced into it" really mean? Does it mean she actually feels afraid to say no? If that’s the case, why wouldn’t she be afraid not to “enthusiastically consent”? Does it mean she has sex when she doesn’t want to because she’s afraid he’ll leave her if they don’t have sex often enough to suit him. Requiring enthusiastic consent won’t stop him from leaving - it may end the sex if she’s not enthusiastic, but it doesn’t mean he won’t leave. I really don’t know what the women you are talking about think they will gain.
I'm sure there's a deeper issue- but I'm not sure the issue is about consent.
I think a lack of understanding about the relationship ( or lack thereof ) is more frequently an issue than a lack of understanding regarding the sex act.
I’d elaborate, but I’m late for work. I may post more tonight.
If flirting works as intended, express enthusiastic consent is unnecessary. You already have all the implied consent both parties could ever need.
This proposed standard seems to me to, inadvertently, potentially give a bunch of negative unintended implications:
'I’m worried that you may be about to victimize me with a false narrative that I’ve sexually assaulted you, resulting in severe employment, civil or criminal consequences for me - particularly in this day and age of “#metoo”. I need to protect myself from liability! Express verbal consent to each act is now the gold standard, so if you don’t mind … ’
‘I’m personally insecure and need a lot of confirmation you actually like this.’
‘I don’t really understand flirting. Your nonverbal messages that you are hot for me - up to and including going back to my place and taking off your clothes - well, I’m sorta deaf to that stuff. Please spell out, in detail, what exactly you want.’
‘I’m into stuff that most people can be reasonably expected to find … offputting. Just to be sure I don’t give offence, I’m going to ask you about each and every act, building up to the crazy stuff I’m really into.’
I don’t know the answer (I think they would say it’s varying degrees of all of those, along with a deep, learned habit of acquiescence and fear of men’s deep, learned habit of getting what they want sexually), and I agree that the deeper issue is not about consent. I think ‘enthusiastic’ consent is an ineffective band-aid solution for these other issues that are much more difficult for us as a society to identify, agree on, and fix.
I’ve always felt that people are different and that your gender shouldn’t define who you are. You can be whoever you want to be. I prefer women to make the first move, which might be why I’ve only ever been with two. But I’ve also never been accused of sexual misconduct or even being a jerk(in a sexual way, in regular ways I’ve often been a jerk).
Frylock, may I masturbate while reading your posts?
Or even just, “You up?”
It’s OK for you to stop or leave whenever you want.
LOL! I thought of that as soon as I re-read my post. Thank you for your thoughtfulness and care for my feelings!
Don’t forget your script:
You’re playing both roles.
“A” might prove challenging.
While this is true in many cases, in some cases the sub doesn’t want a safeword and wants the dom to take full control, trusting the dom will read their body language properly. Or they’ll have 2 safewords, the fake safeword they want the dom to ignore, and the real safeword for stopping things. Plus some subs will put up token resistance, hoping to be overpowered and ignored. It gets complicated.
Either way, its a situation that you shouldn’t be in unless you’ve got an established sexual relationship and you are good at reading verbal and non-verbal cues.
I’ve been reading your posts on SD for years Voyager, I think this is the first time we’ve discussed sex. It feels like I’m talking about it with my father for some reason.
In the bdsm community, going without a safeword is considered extremely dangerous, and is strongly discouraged.
There are certainly people who do it but… it’s generally considered foolish.