What would be your preferred form of afterlife?

[scareyfaerie]

I want nonexistence if I can’t have immortality.

[iiandyiiii]

Holodecks for all. Or at least for me.

[AHunter3]

You’re God and you will live everyone’s life, one life at a time. Hence if people collectively make life better for people in general it gets more and more akin to paradise.

[Dinsdale]

I went with forgetful reincarnation - tho I guess I would prefer some awareness that one was reincarnated, and that the “quality” of one’s present existence in some way reflected how they had led their past lives.

[OneCentStamp]

I chose forgetful reincarnation. Specifically, I’d like something like Roland’s plight in The Dark Tower (spoilered for those who haven’t read the series and want to):

Being caught in an endless loop of the same life, but having the chance to right some small mistake each time, working towards some sort of far-off final redemption.

[Loach]

Immortality. If not that then the heaven at the end of This Is the End.

[John_DiFool]

@OneCentStamp

I chose forgetful reincarnation. Specifically, I’d like something like Roland’s plight in The Dark Tower (spoilered for those who haven’t read the series and want to):

Being caught in an endless loop of the same life, but having the chance to right some small mistake each time, working towards some sort of far-off final redemption.

Note that that was another available choice.

@Skald_the_Rhymer

Non-existence is not a form of afterlife.

Is this a purely semantic nitpick? Your life is over, your body is moldering in the ground (or as a pile of ash), and your consciousness is no more-sounds like “after-life” to me…

[OneCentStamp]

@John_DiFool

Note that that was another available choice.

Ha, so it is! :smack:

I’d pick that one instead, on the understanding that it is not literally the same exact life every time, but “unlimited do-overs” of a similar one.

[Anaamika]

All right, who’s the fool who picked hell for everyone?

Me, I picked immortality. Better the devil you know, as they say.

[Gretchion]

@Foggy

^This^

Alright, we’ve got the Trio of Trinopus, TriPolar, and… Foggy? Aw man, you ruined it!

[gallows_fodder]

@Tibby or Not Tibby

If I get to choose my afterlife, then I’m going to go whole hog and make it exactly the way I want it, with all kinds of rules and regulations to assure eternal bliss (eternal damnation isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Trust me, been there, done that).

Those who say they are tired and just want to get life over with (Trinopus, I’m looking in your general vicinity) just aren’t considering all the possibilities. Maybe we do feel tired in the twilight years of our current lives, but, if we so choose, we can come back bright eyed and bushy tailed in our next life (perhaps even as a bunny).

The only way to avoid eternal boredom is to go with some type of reincarnation protocol. Hell, even eternity with 40 virgins would grow old after, oh, 40 days or so (I popped your cherry yesterday, you’re not a virgin any more, sweetie).

But, I don’t want the type of reincarnation where your memories are wiped totally clean each time (what’s the point, you’re essentially a completely different person), and I don’t want the type of reincarnation where you have 100% memory retention (I don’t want to be worrying about getting indicted by the IRS for tax evasion from some former life). I want most of my memories erased at the conclusion of each life, but retain enough core memory to have a sense of continued self.

And there must be strict rules about what type of critter I can come back as. I don’t want to come back as anything like a spider, where, if I look in a mirror, I think, ewwww! (No cracks about how I do that now, you moronic hyenas!). No, I want to come back as something somewhat human-ish each time I return. You can stick me on some other planet or alternate universe, but I just want 1 head, 2 arms, 2 legs, and a huge penis, like I have now.

I want the temporal progression of my reincarnates to be based on merit, not faith or anything else. If I lead a “good” life, I want to be rewarded with something positive in my next life…like an even huger penis. If I lead a “bad” life, I accept responsibility and wish to be demoted…a little (but, not to a spider, or a cockroach, or a used car salesman). I don’t want to come back as any creature that has to suck bug juice in order to survive (because that doesn’t pair well with red wine).

I also want people who I like in my current life, like my kids, to pop into my life in future lives. Perhaps some type of “attractor” quality would work (e.g. if I have a high attractor for my mom and she has one for me, we’d likely cross paths closely in many of our future lives). Alternately, I want “anti-attractors”, whereby my ex-wife shall be cast into some alternate universe, many branesaway from me for all of eternity and beyond.

And, lastly, I want a little R&R in between each life. Give me 40 days of sleep on a Beautyrest® mattress, followed by 40 days with those 40 virgins, then a solid week in something like that Star Trek Cantina, where we all have full retention of past lives and get to shoot the shit with accumulated friends and make predictions and bets about our next lives. Then shoot me out of some woman’s uterus once again, and let the adventure begin anew.

Oh, and I want my well-seasoned iron skillet in each of my lives—it took me a long time to get it seasoned perfectly.

Non-existence? Bah, humbug. That’s for wussies.

Sounds good to me, where do I sign?

[blondebear]

I went with Reincarnation (subject to karma), but you remember it all – but not necessarily as a human. I’d prefer to come back as a raven.

[Omar_Little]

You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometime you find
You get what you need

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

@John_DiFool

Note that that was another available choice.

Is this a purely semantic nitpick? Your life is over, your body is moldering in the ground (or as a pile of ash), and your consciousness is no more-sounds like “after-life” to me…

I hate people who argue by dictionary definitions. But I also hate myself, so I gues I’ll do it.

The meaning of a word does not come strictly from the meanings of the morphemes making it up. (That’s why you can be homophobic without freezing up in terror at the mere sight of Batman & Robin.) The OED defines afterlife thus:

[QUOTE=what did I just say?]
afterlife: life at a later time or after death.
[/QUOTE]

And here’s Merriam-Webster, which is somewhat longer:

=don’t make me slap you for asking stupid questions
afterlife
1: an existence after death.
2: a later period in one’s life.
3: a period of continued or renewed use, existence, or popularity beyond what is normal, primary, or expected *a TV show with a long afterlife in syndication

Obviously the latter two MW definitions are irrelevant there. The point is that the word afterlife refers to a continued personal existence after the cessation of the functioning of one’s physical body. Non-existence after death is the very opposite of afterlife. Anyone who says different is a Carthaginian.

[Tibby]

@gallows_fodder

Sounds good to me, where do I sign?

But sir, that’s the beauty of my offer—you don’t have to sign anything at all. You can put your eternal existence in my benevolent hands without having to put even one drop of ink to paper.

I just need your credit card number, expiration date and security code (the 3 digits on the back of your card).

…just out of idle curiosity…what is your credit limit on that particular card?

Bonus: I’m currently running a summer special. Double your virgin pleasure: get 80 unpopped V-girls for the price of 40. You just pay additional shipping and handling (if you know what I mean).

[FuriousGeorge]

I’m hoping there are 72 white raisins of crystal clarity. I’m going to be buried with a couple boxes of rolled oats just in case. There is nothing more heavenly than a good Oatmeal Raisin cookie.

[Tibby]

Well, it can be argued that a good Oatmeal Raisin Cookie with a virgin or two on top is more heavenly…

[John_DiFool]

@OneCentStamp

Ha, so it is! :smack:

I’d pick that one instead, on the understanding that it is not literally the same exact life every time, but “unlimited do-overs” of a similar one.

That’s pretty much how I envisioned it (leaving out questions of free will)-in any identical timeline, if you were to start over, undoubtedly a few things would diverge a tiny amount at the start, slowly picking up steam, until a butterfly flapping its wings in Peru in 1972 causes an assassination in China in 2007 that didn’t happen the 1st time…

@blondebear

I went with Reincarnation (subject to karma), but you remember it all – but not necessarily as a human. I’d prefer to come back as a raven.

And not a Platinum-haired Bovine?

[FuriousGeorge]

@Tibby or Not Tibby

Well, it can be argued that a good Oatmeal Raisin Cookie with a virgin or two on top is more heavenly…

True, true, but I’m not getting the virgins if I’m getting the raisins… unless virgin raisins.

[Little_Nemo]

Let me see if I have this right.

This isn’t a poll on what you actually believe happens after you die. It’s a poll on what you would want to happen after death.

One of the options is heaven. Eternal bliss. For everyone.

AND FIVE OUT SIX PEOPLE ARE VOTING AGAINST IT!!!

Can somebody explain the thought process here? “Well, let me see…everything that I ever wanted…or ever would want in the future…or ever might want but didn’t know about…an end to all suffering and despair…and all my friends and family members and loved ones get the same…plus everyone else on Earth…and on any other planets…throughout all of history…past present and future…and it lasts forever…hmmm…I have to admit it sounds okay but I don’t know…I’ll have to think about it…”

What exactly does it take to satisfy you people?