I’m sorry, but I don’t buy the “I was deluding myself” “it was true” false dilemna in this situation. This isn’t a matter of the experience simply being a delusion or being true: it is a matter of the interpretation of that experience possibly being wrong (when many are possible, and perhaps many have shades of the actual).
—You are quite welcome to conclude that I deluded myself.—
And very eagerly welcomed to, I see, but not interested: certainly not in such bold terms, which are, interestingly enough, yours, not mine.
—However, what part of my motivations would enable me to delude myself into believing that a mental-construct god would tell me to choose to do things that, due to circumstances I did not know as yet, would lead to a change in my personality that would make what did in fact happen a fulfillment of self, when id, ego, and superego were united in figuring those changes as unpalatable to the former me?—
The fact is, it’s quite pedestrian that people take what seem to them at the time as being uncharacteristic chances and choices, regardless of whether they experienced it as the prompting of another being or not, especially when they were fighting against it. Again, I feel like you’re playing up how strange and singular this is, which in its course paints a very misleading and extremist picture of human psychology. I don’t know your specific case, but the story of actions and motivations you are telling is not as otherworldly as you seem to have an interest in making it out to be.
—However, why am I as an individual who believes in such a god because he has such evidence any less rational than the aforementioned?–
You aren’t. First of all, people generally aren’t meaningfully called rational or irrational. But secondly, to be rational or irrational you’d have to provide an arguement, and that arguement would have to be rational or irrational. As far as I can tell, the key here is that you’ve had an experience that was deeply affecting and changed your character. That’s not an arguement for or against belief in god presented to others: it’s the basis for the fact that you DO believe in god. And facts aren’t rational or irrational.