The little kid version of me would ask me why I wasn’t rich yet. (He always was obsessed about money, convinced, somehow, that enough of it equals happiness.)
I 'd tell him that I was working on it.
He’d ask me what these great plans were, and why wasn’t I doing them.
I wouldn’t really have a good answer for him since it’s hard to describe paralyzing fear to a little kid.
He’d ask me, probably in an exasperated tone by now, if I had at least had sex yet. (He always was a little pervert. Never really outgrew it either.)
I’d tell him the truth (which is yes ) because, hey, it’s something for him to look forward to.
And he’d probably ask me a million other questions, at which point I’d tell him to shut up and go do his homework.
“Do you become what you wanted to be when you were my age? If not, do you like the job you have now?” (I’d answer no and yes in that order).
“Why aren’t you married yet?” (not sure how I would tell my younger self this, although I’d tell him that when he’s 19, if he meets a red-haired girl by the name of April, stay the hell away from her!)
“Do you still like cats?” (very much so, yes)
“Will anything bad happen to anyone in our family between now and when I get to be your age?”
“Will we have flying cars and will be eating food from little pills like they do in the Jetsons?”
Big Me: Play these lotto numbers on this day. We’ll be rich beyond our wildest dreams. Oh yeah just for the heck of it play this Trifecta on at the 2002 Belmont Stakes. People won’t believe our luck.
Actually, I can’t imagine what the little kid me would ask the now me, except maybe, “How did you get so fat and why is your beard grey?”. I could lay down some good advice, though.
Fagjunk Theology: Not just for sodomite propagandists anymore.
Lil’ Jes: “Where are my kids? I thought I was going to have kids (all three) by the time I was 22!?”
Older Jes: “Well, I wasn’t in a position to have children before or at 22.”
Lil’ Jes: “You certainly WERE in a “position” to have them!” (Lil’ Jes was a bit advanced… :rolleyes: )
Older Jes: “Well, yes, but I didn’t want to have kids then, because those relationships were not stable enough to give children a good family situation.”
Lil’ Jes: "Then why did you “do it?”
Older Jes: “In some of those relationships, that’s a very good question. In the others, because we really liked each other and it felt good.”
Lil’ Jes: “Oh.”
pause
Lil’ Jes: “Are you gonna start having babies now?”
Older Jes: “This second? I hope not…” laughs “But soon enough, maybe. In a year or two.”
Lil’ Jes: “But in two years you’ll be 27! You’ll be OLD!”
Young MacDairmuid: “So does it turn out that all those crazy rules Mom & Dad have help me?”
Older MacDairmuid: “In fact, it turns out that Mom & Dad are actually pretty intelligent people and they did a really good job with the four of us. Those ‘crazy rules’ are essential! Learn them, live them, love them!”
Then the Older MacDairmuid would have much advice and many clarifications for the Younger MacDairmuid. I’d feel safe about giving out this information because the Younger MacDairmuid wouldn’t pay much attention.
MiniMe “OMG, You got married! WHY ?”
Me “Changed my mind on that one. Oh, and your future husband is a great guy. Trust him”
MiniMe “Why haven’t you got dogs, horses and a huge property ?”
Me “I’m working on it. Other things became more important”
MiniMe “What should I do ? What can I expect ? What’s in store for me ?”
Me “Enjoy the ride. You have a great, fun, happy life ahead of you. Just hold it together through high school”
[sub]Did anybody else have to read the OP title 5 times? I’ve been up for awhile and I’m very tired[/sub]
Little Me:So, I see you are bald, you have a beard of some kind going on and you have put on a few pounds…whats up wit dat?
Me:Yep and so will you
LM:Sooooooo…ummmmm…how’se the sex?
Me:excellent
LM:sweet
Me:yep, but on that subject, stay off the fricken internet until late 2000 or at least stay out of stupid hearts and spades game rooms and never get involved with somebody that lives more than an hours drive from you…you can be an idiot sometimes
LM: ok then…how is school and stuff?
Me:Well, you are going to screw that up nicely you lazy little punk, but its going to turn out allright. The Air Force will show you the way, just not when you (or they) were expecting you too. Your grades don’t matter, just do enough to graduate HS and drop out of community college. It aint hard, trust me.
LM: So, anyway I can avoid the bald/fat part?
Me: No, now get back in your time machine and go home, mom misses you…oh hey, don’t steal your sisters mustang, don’t waste mom and dads money learning to fly, do cut off the mullet before 1987, do play football in high school and by all means, enjoy your life.
Little Me: So… You seem not to have conquered the world yet. What’s up with that?
Me: Got distracted. I’ll get 'round to it eventually.
Little Me: (Irritating pestering about why I hadn’t got my act together and done what he wanted yet)
Me: (Pours a bucket of icewater over Little Me), y’know I always thought I deserved that.
(I was an annoying kid)
Alternately:
Little Me: So… This time travel thing. If we’re not careful is it going to cause a paradox that will wipe out all life as we know it?
Me: Yep. Probably.
Little Me: Cool.
I really hope I never, ever, meet a little version of myself.
Little Me: So in Total Recall, was Quad really a martian secret agent or just a construction worker? That movie confuses me!
Me: Actually if you paid attention during the torture scene you would know that he was actually one of the Oxygen baron’s henchmen, who volunteered to be brainwashed so they could get an agent into the mutant’s resistance group.
small kid me: Life gets funner, right? 'Cause right now, this getting up at 5am to commute to Grandma’s just to go to school thing kinda sucks.
Me: I’m sorry, but you’ll be commuting to school until you’re 24. You’ll like high school and college, if it helps. Generally, life gets funner in that your concerns become more adult-oriented, but it also means the simple, carefree days are over.
small kid me: Oh. [contemplates the ancient age of 24] No more lounging around playing with Lego all day, huh?
Me: Sorry. By the way, you end up giving your Lego to your cousins.
small kid me: All of it? But they’re messy. What’s it like to have boobs?
Me: They’re fun. They bounce, they’re soft, and guys like them.
Big me: No, go ahead and marry the fool. You get a really great daughter out of the deal, and the husband’s short comings make you much stronger than you ever would have been otherwise. It all will work together to make you who I am today.
) because, hey, it’s something for him to look forward to.
