Not the Fat Man himself, actually, but one of his minons, the Salvation Army Lady.
I must briefly digress.
It is my want to dump my pocket change into the vile red bucket upon leaving Kroger.
I stop at the grocery on the way home most days after work; this seems to me to be a reasonable solution.
Anyway.
She’s wearing shades, ringing the bell like she was pulling a cart of the dead during the plague, intoning “Happy Holidays, Everyone! Merry Christmas!”
And I replied as I entered the store “Happy Hannukah.”
“Thank you, Sir. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!”
As I leave and dump my change in her tub, she says, “Every little bit helps, Sir.”
Maybe I could have one of those accidents on the parking lot where the accelerator jams and the car moves up onto the sidewalk…
“Respect people’s religious differences when they’re respectfully voiced to you. Don’t make backhanded remarks about the amount of money people put in your bucket.”
Why would it take a couple of hours to demonstrate that?
I don’t think it’s disrespectful to respond to “Happy Hannukah” with “Merry Christmas,” or vice-versa, or throw in “Joyful Kwanzaa” or the very secular “Enjoy the Season,” or whatever you will, and mix and match as you please. They’re good wishes and friendly greetings, not a theological debate. Everyone should be allowed to convey these thoughts as s/he most sincerely can, and accept them graciously without imagining ill intent on anyone’s part. It’s perfectly possible to have a merry Christmas, a happy Hannukah, a joyful Kwanzaa, a rockin’ Saint Patrick’s day and a mellow Haile Selassie’s birthday without celebrating those holidays or embracing the faiths/philosophies from which they arise. Someone wants me to be happy, even if the offer’s for a limited time only, I say thanks, and have a fat and sassy year of the pig!
The “every little bit helps” line, though, goes clang. I can imagine it being said with absolutely no malice, but it’s still tactless. Oh, well, carnivorousplant, assuming assault with a deadly weapon is not your wont, I’m sure your generosity can come up with patience as well as pennies.
The thing is, people who are saying “Merry Christmas,” or “Happy Hannukah,” or “Joyous Kwanzaa,” or “Dignified Ramadan,” or anything else, are (at least overtly and for pity’s sake why not accept it at that level) offering a sincere and unencumbered wish for your peace of mind and happiness, without demanding a damned thing in return. If a seven-foot-tall, four-armed, blue-skinned Martian dropped from the sky to tell me he wanted me to be happy this coming kzhaaakkhq, I’d be taken aback by a new strangeness, but I couldn’t defend my wrongheaded, instinctive hostility by quoting anything s/he said.
And, Draelin, have, by all means, a fat and sassy year of the pig!
Well, did you notice the little sign above the bucket? The one that says SALVATION Army? They’re more than a little Christian, and one would assume so are their drones. Why wouldn’t she wish you the holiday she celebrates herself? You did the same to her, by mentioning Hannukah.
The rudeness of the “every bit helps” line is really, really out of line, though. I’m with you there.
But I wish you all a Happy Winter Solstice and a fat and sassy year of the pig!
Okay, this never occurred to me to begin with, but I swear the more people from now on who wish each other a “fat and sassy year of the pig,” the better off we’ll all be. Let it be the all-purpose, general good will refrain of everybody who doesn’t care who you worship and doesn’t want to know who you hate. Be happy and hate-free for as long as you can, mutha-humpas: it’s the gawd-damn year of the pig!
The guy outside our Price Chopper was sitting there reading and smoking a cigarette. I was happy to not have the guilt trip, but it didn’t seem quite…professional? Are those guys all volunteers?
I don’t know if the North Pole is a signatory to the Geneva Conventions. How do we know that they aren’t using torture? There seems to be plenty of evidence pointing to their use of slave labour. We need to keep open the options of agressive interogation methods when dealing with the Polians.
gigi most of 'em are volunteers. Some are paid minimum wage to ring the bell. I’ve actually volunteered as a bell ringer before. It was ok, I just don’t want to do it again. That damn bell is obnoxious after a while. The guy you saw could have been a bit more enthusiastic I guess.
Now, I have to go to the store and buy lights so that I may spell out “have a fat and sassy year of the pig” on my front lawn.
The “every little bit helps” was what annoyed me, indeed, put murder in my heart.
I’m going to wish her a fat and sassy year of the pig. If I don’t post anymore, I hope one of you will come to Little Rock and avenge my murder, or at least testify. It’s the Kroger at Markham and Rodney Parham.
