Talk to Biden- get his promise not to go after you, resign now, have pence pardon you.
Leave the country, go somewhere safe.
I’d tell him “I alone can fix it”, and my rate is $1000/hr.
If I was Trump’s advisor, I’d tell him to make this offer.
If I was Biden’s advisor, I’d tell him to turn it down.
“And I get paid in advance. Cash only.”
Oh hell yes.
Like Dr. Evil, you left a couple zeros off that. Every ordinary campaign manager schlub already charges $1,000 per hour.
Now for One Hundred Thousand{pinky to corner of mouth} dollars per hour I can deliver some serious Trumptasic winning mojo. Strictly cash up front though; I’ve seen how he treats vendors.
ETA: I see I’m late to the party with the cash-only part.
Too soon!
Do NOT tell them that!!
I was just beginning to relax a little bit last night when I watched Donald J. Trump do a moderately acceptable impersonation of a decent human being. If he does that for the next week and a half, he may come close enough to a tie in this election to make it worth the trouble to contest the results (rather than slink away unnoticed).
Just in case any of his supporters can read and might forward this to him, don’t give him the real answers to the final exam a week from Tuesday! Of course he might just think we are trying to sucker him (like all those first responders.)
I don’t think any of these steps would change election outcomes at all. Anyone who cares knows most of this stuff anyway and the rest will not believe it no matter how unimpeachable the source may be. Nationwide this might swing Three-Thousand votes (3,000). At most swing one very tight swing state – but with his supporters it would tough to predict which way. It might actually help him with his base.
So, stay the course, continue to use the current strategy? That just may be crazy enough to work!
Honestly? I’d tell him to fight dirty to a degree that’s never been done in American politics.
Have the FBI arrest Joe Biden on some phony charge. Sure, it’ll never stick, but it will take more than two weeks to get things sorted out.
Rig the election. You think it’s too late to do anything about early voting? Just bribe a few election workers in some key states. Don’t forget to rig the voting machines. If nothing else, just gum up the works so badly it’ll never get sorted out.
Unleash the Proud Boys. Tell them to do whatever they want as long as they shout “Black Lives Matter” and “Defund the Police.”
Only ten days left, and politics ain’t beanbag.
You my friend, have no idea how big a spoon these people eat with!
Tell him your secretary makes that amount of money for starters. Then tell him he will not need to save any money for legal defense if he hires you. Just sign the entire war chest over and do what I say . . . . here have some fried chicken.
The first thing I’d do is slap some duct tape over his mouth. His lack of a brain-to-mouth filter is his worst enemy.
Again, SHHH!
If he appeared sincere that might work! Do you have any idea how many disenfranchised Republicans are DREAMING of the guy showing any redeeming characteristics??? If even for ten minutes he would appear human and moral - swing voters could get both Trump AND Biden with one vote! His base would just assume it was all a ploy to swindle moderates and lefties out of their votes (because even a stopped clock is on occasion right).
If you win, no problem.
In the meantime plan your escape from the country before January 20, 2021. Just in case.
It might work. It could do what the Comey letter did.
This wouldn’t be too hard, in theory. Something to the effect of: “There are pros and cons of being someone who enters the White House with zero elected-office or military experience. The pros are that you make history and you enter D.C. as an outsider intent on draining the swamp. The cons are the lack of experience. I, Donald, have learned a lot of humility along the way and am committed to improving 24/7 to be the better president that America deserves, but have not lost and will never lose my heart to help America.”
I may look really silly a couple of weeks from now but everything you’ve listed is exactly what I’m fearing could happen.
I wouldn’t rule out a suggestion that he kill himself, and maybe pick up a few sympathy votes.
It seems to me that, reading this thread, any advice you could give Trump that might get him more votes would only have one guaranteed result: Your being fired as his campaign manager.