We’ve seen different ones, then. The ones I’ve seen mainly feature old ass ladies, still gettin’ it on!
I don’t have a daughter. So I don’t know what I would do.
I mean, I’d be disappointed. Proud parents brag about their kids when they’re doctors, lawyers, or successful businessmen. But porn stars? I guess I could tell people she’s an actress. But I wouldn’t feel comfortable going into specifics. And I’d feel guilty and ashamed about this because it’s stupid to worry about the opinions of other people.
But I don’t think there would be anything necessarily messed-up about her. Yes, there’s some negative qualities associated with people who sell their bodies for money. But there’s also some positive ones. I imagine someone who’s brave enough to have sex for the entertainment of millions of people has some self-confidence and comfort with their sexuality.
After my drinking binge from post #34, I would see this post and go to the liquor store.
All morality aside it has no future.
Just so long as she doesn’t get any tattoos.
The one thing they all seem to have in common is a history of rape or sexual abuse, be they women or men.
I think I would be very uncomfortable about it (and certainly wouldn’t want to see it - indeed, I think i tmight rather put me off watching porn in general). However, if she convinced me that it was something she was doing through her own informed and considered choice, and not because of compulsion or manipulation or neurosis or dire economic necessity, or for some other bad reason, I would try to come to terms with that. I see no reason not to believe that there are women who go into porn in that sort of spirit, although whether it is a vanishingly small or a large proportion of actual porn actresses, I really have no idea. Indeed, I think I would feel some pride in her if I thought she was truly doing it in that spirit, although I would still be very uncomfortable too.
This actually hits somewhat close to home, because I do have a daughter in the relevant age range, who is currently in college in California, on the other side of the world from where I am now. (And she is, like, blonde, and fairly tall and slender.) What is more, in a conversation we had over Skype just a couple of weeks ago, she told me (proudly) that she had been asked to do a little bit of modeling by a man who seems to be an amateur or semi-pro photographer. The pictures he took were simple outdoor shots, and completely innocent (she sent me copies), but it did immediately arouse my concern that, although this might well be perfectly innocent amateur photography, it also just might be the first step in an attempt to gradually persuade or seduce her to go into porn, and my first reaction was to warn her to be careful, and not allow him to talk her into anything. It occurred to me afterwards, though, that I had too readily assumed that this was not something she would want. I may have too readily assumed that my little girl, who is now really a woman, is a sexual innocent, and come over too much as the heavy handed father. (I wasn’t trying to forbid her from doing anything, but I was warning her to be on the lookout, and thereby raining on her parade a bit.) I am reasonably, but not 100%, sure that she is not the sort of woman who would want to go into porn, but I wish now I had thought (and then found a way) to convey to her that if it truly was something she wanted to do, with a realistic sense of the downsides, then I would still love and support her. As it was, I was all about warning her of possible dangers of being seduced into it against her better judgement, and I wondered afterwards if I might have been naïve in taking her to be the sort of innocent I would like her to be.
Perhaps I should make it clear that I am not dreadfully worried about this. (I may be rambling a bit because it is past my bedtime.) More than likely the guy is as harmless as she seems to think, and even if he is not, I am pretty confident that she has plenty enough sense and self esteem (even without me now having warned her) not to let him suck her into anything if he were really to try to. I am also 99.8% confident that she is not the sort the sort of girl who would ever actually want to go into porn of her own free will. All the same, it is a bit concerning, especially given that I am thousands of miles away and we only have intermittent contact (basically, when she finds the time to Skype me).
While I don’t agree with the idea that wanting to be in porn is, by it’s nature, evidence of some sort of emotional damage, it’s important not to gloss over the fact that the porn industry can be massively exploitative, and that a huge section of people in sex work have histories of abuse and drug addiction. There’s still a massive stigma attached to sex work in this country. It can severely limit your career options later in life, if your career becomes known, and the window for a porn career is very, very tiny, meaning that it’s likely to be hanging over you for a very long time. The cost/benefit ratio of a career in porn is very tough to make come out in your favor, so it tend to attract people who are not very good at evaluating the risks and rewards. And often as not, the reason they’re not good at making that evaluation is because they’re suffering from the effects of childhood abuse or chemical dependency.
On the other hand, I think it’s a sort of “stigma or the egg” scenario. If people didn’t automatically assume that sex workers are damaged goods, would it still mostly attract people who are damaged goods? I tend to think not - I’d be willing to do porn, if there were no social stigma attached, and I could find people willing to pay to see me naked. Charging them to see me not be naked would probably pay better. 
Miller, there is no glossing over it, because that is the MAIN IDEA people have when thinking of porn stars. Daddy issues, drug addiction, broken, emotionally fragile victim. We don’t have to point out that those things are associated with porn because that is the whole point of a thread like this. My point is that it is crazy to sat that all porn performers must be coming from an unhealthy place. I have been convinced by women in those documentaries that they are of sound mind, and emotional stability and simply don’t see sex the way most people do. Not everyone thinks that virginity is purity, casual sex is nasty or that sex is necessarily special in any way. If I don’t take these women word for it, especially the older women who have had plenty of time to get to the ‘oh I was all wrong’ stage, then I am basically stating that I don’t believe a woman has the mind to decide for herself what is good for her.
No offense intended, Nzinga. I wasn’t sure if you were arguing *against *an absolute (“All porn actors are messed up!”) or *from *an absolute (“No porn actors are messed up!”) Of course, I agree the truth is somewhere in the middle, although, unfortunately, closer to the former than the latter.
I agree with that, Miller.
I would disappointed if any of my children, male or female, were in that circumstance. That said, adult not getting money from me … His or her choice to make.
This! I don’t have a daughter, but if I did, I would prefer her to do a bukkake video than get a tattoo.
Semen washes off.
Well, that semen may look sexy now, but imagine how it will look on her face when she’s 80.
Cosmo editor Helen Gurley Brown swore by semen as a beauty treatment.
Right now? I don’t know, although there is certainly a *lot *of subjectivity in how different practitioners apply it. At other time periods in history and probably in the future? Of course. All beliefs about what is and is not emotionally healthy have a lot of arbitrary context.
First, I would be alarmed and worried the fuck out depending on the type of porn it is. Commercial gay porn, for example is rife with STDs and HIV transmission. Not cool. Once I’d established that my hypothetical child is still healthy, I’d be very concerned if they were between 18-23 and I’d want to know how much thought they’d put into their lives after porn.
If that all checks out and I was assured they had a do-able and results oriented life plan, I’d exit back out of their life to run as they wish.
I would be far more disappointed if my daughter came home from college announcing that she was working as a telephone psychic. I would hang my head and cry for shame. But I won’t presume to know what she considers “soul-killing,” or assume that I am somehow entitled or qualified to make that evaluation for her. On the other hand, I’m not going to Google her, or if I do, I’m certainly not going to click ‘Images.’ My squick level has to have some defined boundaries.
So, your assertion that it’s impossible to prove that something is emotionally damaging, much like your assertion that porn work must be a result of emotional damage, is something you pulled directly out of your ass?
What, assuming I’m not the Producer?