Most of what you’ve written is fine, but I can’t change the locks. It’s not my house, for one thing. For another, I don’t have a key to the house myself. Some years back Dad lost trackof some money he’d hidden in the house, accused me of stealing it, and then when he finally found it refused to apologize, saying that repeatedly asking me whether I’d stolen from him was not an accusation and so he had nothing to say sorry for. I gave him his key back then, and despite his repeated attempts to give me one again have refused to take it.
Anyway, I’ve spent a little time this afternoon getting figures on how much a home health care worker should actually cost and will be emailing it to Jane to persuade her to shut the fuck up. You’re dead on right paying somebody else for the weekends and making it clear to Kat that she is off duty those days.
Skald, when I said I wished you the best, I truly meant it.
Shame about the lock situation, but Jane is taking slap-shots on goal & you are the goalie thats left. Its not fun, its not easy, no one is going to thank you, and you may catch more pucks to the body than Brodeur on a bad day doubleheader .
But its you or its an empty net…
Methinks you need to get the agreement with Kat in writing. This to include compensation, days off, private space, and who resolves grievances/gives direction to Kat.
Is your father happy with the arrangement? If so, it would be bad if anyone messes up a good deal. Whether or not you can convince Jane of this is another question.
I don’t suppose Jane can come over on Sundays and take your father to church and see to him for the day.
Jane does not understand boundaries. This arrangement with Kat sounds like the family is getting a great deal, but Kat needs more than half a day off each week. Jane needs to surrender her key, I think…or possibly Jane needs to be the one to take care of Dad on Sundays, and take him to church.
From the stories about your dad, the whole family is lucky that someone is willing to take care of him, even as a day job. The fact that Kat lives in the house is added security, if Dad has a crisis in the night, if she’s there then his chances of a good outcome go up dramatically. If Kat’s room is messy, it’s nobody else’s business, and good for Kat for getting a lock.
I’d like to stress this. If nothing else, it is extremely important that Dad meet with the attorney in private when discussing everything and when signing everything.
That said… you didn’t think this through or implement it properly. You needed to put in place a process for agreeing and communicating requests to Kat.
Firstly, you need ONE person who Kat deals with. You’re putting Kat in a horrible position when Jane tells her one thing and you tell her another. You’re forcing her into a losing situation because she can’t make everyone happy.
Secondly, you need to agree a PROCESS for discussing things before the nominated person speaks to Kat. For example, the process could be that you email around all the siblings, and everyone has one week to respond with their thoughts/ideas. Then the nominated person makes the final decision based on input from others.
Upon re-reading the OP the thing that annoys me the most is the idea that Kat should have to tell Jane where she goes on Sundays. Bwuh? What business is it of hers if she’s going to an orgy or just out with her friends? That is a level of controlling that is beyond all the rest of it (although the random room inspections come close) and is the #1 reason why you should never do any kind of business with family.
I was going to suggest making Jane do this, so she realizes what seriously great deal you have and how much it would cost her if she drives Kat away.
But I like the idea of hiring a Sunday aide even better, since that’s an actual real cost, most likely with an actual written contract, that Jane will find harder to ignore.