What would your 10 commandements say?

In My Humble Opinion
1

If you absolutely had to come up with 10 commandements for mankind to try and make a better world for your grandchildren to live in, what would they be?

For the sake of brevity, let’s have a 20 words limit on each commandement.

I’ll start:

1-Thou shall love and cherish those you disagree with.

2-Thou shall not steal.

3-Thou shall not FUCKING KILL GODDAMNIT! WE ARE NOT KIDDING!

4-Thou shall not be cruel to God’s creatures.

5-Thou shall not limit what others can say or write or punish them for it.

6-Thou shall treat the less fortunate as you would God’s dearest children.

7-Thou shall strive to make the world a better place and whine as little as possible.

8-God’s mercy was to make you mortal. Nobody’s suffering lasts forever.

9-Thou shall pet cats and feed them tuna, unless you’re allergic, in which case God is sorry.

10-Thou shall be forgiven as much as you forgive others, so be forgiving for it brings you closer to the Lord.
Ahh, that felt nice. Nothing like laying down divine commandements to make one feel big :smiley:

2

This has to fit somewhere…There is a time to talk and a time to shut the hell up. Thou shalt learn the difference.

3

Hmm, I have to do an atheist version of this.

  1. Thou shalt not lord your religion or lack thereof over others.

  2. NO KILLING! THAT MEANS YOU!

  3. Don’t take other people’s stuff.

  4. Be nice.

  5. Be responsible for your own happiness.

  6. If thou art male, put the seat down. If thou art female, check first.

  7. Thou shalt not be a dumbass.

  8. Thou shalt reread commandment number seven.

  9. Yes, that means you.

  10. I’m serious about that.

4

I only have one.

Treat others as you would like to be treated.

It’s known as “The Golden Rule” for a reason.

5

Not to be confused with the Golden Shower Rule.

  1. Thou shalt not confuse the two.
6

Never miss an opportunity to take a pee.

Always be kind.

Make 'em laugh

Do not shit in the well from whence you drink.

do not spread gossip.

Do not discuss Politics, Economy, Abortion, Religion ever.

7

  1. Thou shalt be responsible for yourself.

  2. Thou shalt not kill-killing is bad and is the fastest way to achieve smiting.

  3. Thou shalt not steal or take anything that does not belong to you.

  4. Thou shalt leave others the hell alone and let them do what makes them happy so long as it doesn’t directly effect you and your happiness.

  5. Thou shalt strive to leave the world a better place than you found it.

  6. Thou shalt not be prejudiced against people for their race, creed, religion, handicaps, weight, or any other reason that you could be prejudiced against someone.

  7. Thou shalt not be needlessly cruel to any living thing.

  8. Thou shalt take everything in moderation.

  9. Thou shalt not be bitchy about everything all the time.

  10. Thou shalt take into consideration the consequences of your actions.

8
  1. Steal underpants.

2-9. ???

  1. Profit!
9

I would add (because it might not occur to most people that it’s implicit in The Golden Rule):

Never pass up the chance to do a kind deed, or say a kind word.

10
  1. Thou shalt use thine turn signals
  2. Thou shalt not use thine cellphone while driving.
  3. Thou shalt lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way.
  4. Thou shalt decide on thine order before getting in the drive thru lane.
  5. Thou shalt pull into the intersection at unprotected left turns on the green light.
  6. Thou shalt not use thine horn in anger.
  7. Thou shalt not display thine middle finger.
  8. Thou shalt not kill other driver’s, no matter how much they are asking for it.
  9. Thou shalt not apply makeup or read while driving on the freeway.
  10. Thou shalt buckle all children in the vehicle.
11

Almost all of mine can be summed up with: Don’t piss me off!

OK, I’ll have to think about it.

12
  1. Don’t litter.
  2. Pick up after yourself.
  3. Don’t ruin something that’s beautiful.
  4. Be kind to pedestrians.
  5. Be kind to the less fortunate.
  6. Serve somebody.

I’ll need time to think of the rest.

13
  1. Don’t be a jerk.
14

From “Hair”

15

[ol]
[li]Do not talk about Digital Stimulus’s commandments[/li][li]Do NOT talk about Digital Stimulus’s commandments[/li][li]…[/li][/ol]
The rest don’t matter, as no one can talk about them.

Hopefully, that’ll also solve the aJudge Ray Moore idiocy that seems to crop up every so often.

16

1 - Read the manual.
2 - If, after reading the manual, you still don’t know, then ask.
3 - Don’t be an asshole.
4 - Deal with consequences.
5 - Sex? Not that big of a deal. Thou shalt not freak out over other people’s libidos
6 - Learn to compromise.
7 - Don’t confuse compromising with bending over backwards.
8 - Keep your opinion to yourself if no one’s in danger.
9 - Don’t spoil your kids.
10 - Slow the hell down (both literally and metaphorically).

17

Courtesy of Bell Biv Devoe:

“Never trust a big butt and a smile”

I suppose we could have a separate list of “Commandments of Hip Hop”

18

  1. Fighter jets are badass.

  2. Freddy Got Fingered is a hilarious and disgracefully-underrated film, and it is thine duty to watch it at least once a year. Fail to do so, and burn in hell.

  3. Thou shalt not eat the meat of the turkey vulture. It’s fucking disgusting, man.

  4. Don’t knock it if thou haven’t tried it. I’m referring to drugs, by the way.

  5. The number of sexual partners you’ve had is directly proportional to the size of the mansion you’ll get in Heaven.

  6. Mad Max fucking kicks ass.

  7. Thou shalt not pressure other people to pass the joint/bowl. Far from being a tradition of hipster egalitarianism and sharing or whatever, it’s actually really annoying and creates unfair pressure. Let him take his time with the joint if he wants to. You’re not at military school or something. There’s plenty of weed to go around. Everyone has weed. Relax.

  8. If you take out your knife, you can’t put it back until it has tasted blood.

  9. Eric Clapton is overrated as a guitarist.

  10. Steely Dan has way more songs than “Do It Again” and “Reelin’ In The Years,” and almost all of them are amazing. If you criticize Steely Dan and your only experience of them is their songs that get played on the radio, or in supermarkets, you will be put to the sword. You can only criticize Steely Dan if you’ve listened to a wide sampling of their catalog of songs.

19

Thou shalt have no moral imperatives.

20

  1. Thou shalt not wake me up!

  2. Drive, Goddamnit! What’s the matter with you?!

  3. Thou shalt give a fuck about what you’re doing.