I’ve seen ads for these recently, and it got me thinking about my own someday. Needless to say, things haven’t been going too well! Anyway…
Since I don’t plan on having kids, some relative, somewhere will someday put my ‘estate’ up for sale. Or perhaps on ebay. If it’s still around. But I digress.
Mine would read like this:
ESTATE SALE
Selling entire contents of home of apparent Crazy Cat Lady. Many, many cat collectibles in porcelain, china, glass, pottery, brass, pewter, wood, resin, and various carved minerals. Some Fenton.
Also cat, guinea pig, and bunny beds, toys, blankets and carriers. Lots of pet orgainzation-related t-shirts. Several sets of dishes, some really big shoes, fish tanks and equipment, sets of crutches, used knee braces/casts, a walker, many scratched cds with no cases, many worn paperback books, Aerosmith items, and many wooden curio shelves/shadowboxes --most never hung. Also an oddly large number of cardboard boxes and newspaper clippings. Quite a few unfinished or unopened cross-stitch projects.
Those with pet or dust allergies should avoid this sale entirely or wear gas masks if attending – we assume no responsibility for your respiratory failure.
So when you see that in the paper, hopefully some years from now, you’ll know I’ve died!
Mine would be:
**I’ve shuffled off this mortal coil and departed this veil of tears. No doubt some greedy relative that NEVER gave a damn about me is trying to squeeze the last penny out of me. So, here’s the deal - anything I owned - a dollar !!!
Mickey Mantle’s Rookie Year Baseball Card ?? One dollar !!
Stradivarius Violin - One Dollar !!!
Rembrandt painting - One Dollar !!!
Ferrari Testarossa - One Dollar !!!
How can I afford to offer merchandise at these ridiculously low prices? I’m dead !!! So my demise allows me to pass the savings on to you. Perhaps those relatives should heve been nicer to me.
Hurry on down because now that I am gone, my estate will be gone too at these prices.**
Anyone remotely related to me CANNOT participate in this estate sale.