It may be overused, but it may also be more used legitimately, both as people have something to call behavior that used to be puzzling, and as actual instances of passive aggressive behavior seem to be on the rise.
I would consider most instances of malicious compliance to be passive aggressive behavior. Maybe the target deserved it, but you are still taking action to undermine the known intent, rather than communicating the consequences of taking their directions literally.
Sure, but where’s the aggression in that? And if engaging in any sort of activity irrelevant to the underlying problem is included in “passive-aggressive” do we not then have a rather non-descriptive term for a very wide range of behavior?
Yeah but.
We have someone who comes in and cleans once every other week. It’s never anyone’s “turn” to clean, and I’m the last person who would complain about the cleanliness of the kitchen. I’m a slob.
I was high as a kite and was enjoying myself cleaning. I was pretending I was detailing the kitchen, like you would a car. I eventually explained this to her and she apologized. She was angry with herself for working such long hours and she wanted me to be angry with her for working so hard. I still don’t understand why I’d clean the kitchen to get that point across, but I’m a simple man.
Well, people who are angry that their partner has failed to carry out some part of the social obligations of the partnership will sometimes carry out some element of their own part of the social obligations of the parthnership in an exaggerated and highly visible manner. And I think that’s an archetypal example of passive-aggressive behavior.
[ ETA: I have no idea about @kayaker’s situation specifically, I was just speaking in general terms.]
I didn’t think that was the case, just pointing to it as an example of how it could be interpreted.
I had a roommate a while back that would put dishes away at 2 in the morning while everyone was trying to sleep. I told them that I would put them away when I got home from work and starting dinner. They didn’t respond to this, and continued to put them away in the middle of the night, except louder.
They would also vacuum while I had company over. I usually had one day a week that I spent cleaning the house, and it stayed in relatively good condition. But I’d have some friends over trying to watch a movie, and he’d be vacuuming the floor, even going so far as to be between us and the TV.
A couple of times after I mowed the grass, he’d go out, set the mower’s deck at a lower height, and mow again.
The message that I was getting was that I wasn’t doing a good enough job in keeping my house in shape for his preferences, but he never came out and said this, would just go back over what I had done, or even undo things that I had done to do them his way, and generally make a big show of it.
I believe it (MPD) should fall under mutibile personality disorder (MPD). Usually when clinically diagnosed with 1 disorder there are 2 or more disorders. Cormordiy is the word used when you have 2 or more disorders.
“One disorder may represent an early manifestation of another. There may be problems of classification, in which the use of same or similar symptoms define different disorders. Detection artifacts can occur. For example, the presence of one disorder in a patient may make another condition more visible, even though it may be no more common than in a general population. Similarly, the presence of one disorder may influence the observations of clinicians and make them more likely to report the presence of another disorder.”
The above article is extensive it covers everything from Alzheimer’s, traumatic events to alcohol, and drugs. If you want to learn about how to help a loved friend or family member I strongly recommend this article. That way you will be able to know if your doctor is serious and not a one and done, here’s some piils which means being on the wrong meds.
Where should “post a complete non-sequitur in an internet forum” fall?
“You’d have fun too if you ever cleaned the kitchen”.
Hold on. I can’t figure out what you’re referring to. What does MPD (DID) have to do with this?
very well ninja’d by @naita
Erm, what on earth are you talking about? And why do you think it’s important to post a paragraph-long definition of a term that means nothing more profound than two things happening at the same time?
Yeah, that one stuck out like a cat’s tail in a folksy saying.
I believe it is on topic. I will break it down for you OK? @Riemann
Earlier in the replies someone mentioned the ‘passive aggressive’ disorder was removed from psychiatric disorders diagnoses.
There were 2 mentions!
Did you read all the replies? I would like a mod to decide. Another reason the purpose of this forum is to learn new information. If the article could help or save one life of someone on Straight Dope do you or other posters think a side rail topic would be worth it @Riemann.
Yeah. That was me in quoting from Wikpedia how “passive-aggressive” is not a well defined term. It does not make the DSM a topic of the thread, especially not without some context.
Perhaps before getting all indignant you should reread your own post, carefully. Before anyone can form an opinion about the merits of what you are attempting to say, it would be helpful if you could clarify what you mean without the glaring mistakes.
I remember reading this, when describing passive-aggressive behavior, and thought it was funny. I hope I got the exact words right.
Son or son in-law and his wife have a new baby. Mother or MIL says to son or SIL that she expects and demands she bring the baby over to her house every saturday for lunch.
Passive response: You buy a car seat and do just as you are told.
Aggressive response: You state to mother or MIL that while you understand she’d like to spend time with their grandchild, that you’ll not be manipulated or coerced without regard to you or your wife’s own desires or schedules, and to back off.
Passive-aggressive response: You move at least two states away.
I’m going to flag myself. A mod should decide!
Decide what?
@tripolor whether my reply follows SD rules.
To me a passive-aggressive response/reply simply means that someone is angry, but doesn’t say so outright, couching it in supposedly polite or self-deprecating words or actions. It is veiled criticism, but clothed in such a way that the critique cannot be missed. If the other person can reply ‘Why didn’t you just say so?’, it is probably a passive-aggressive response.
‘Never mind, I’m used to doing the dishes all the time’.
‘Oh, I’m fine sitting here in the cold by myself.’