What's the correct way to deal with this situation (food smells in common areas)?

It’s one thing to do something on property you own. Your neighbor can plant a tree that annoys you, but if it’s on his side of the property line, there’s not much you can do about it.

A better analogy would be a military barracks that have kitchenettes in some of the rooms. People don’t live there voluntarily; they’ve been assigned to live there. They’re living with people they didn’t choose to live with and probably wouldn’t if they had a choice. There are clearly defined rules about living conditions and such that are designed to maintain some sort of civility. The people with kitchenettes may well be told (as I was) that complaints about excessive or offensive food odors of any kind could result in loss of that privilege.

A college dorm isn’t any different. A certain amount of courtesy is required to keep things pleasant. Hippy Hollow may have been within his rights to make curry in his room, but that didn’t mean he had the right to keep doing so when other students complained to him about it. That he did so makes him the asshole, especially when there may have been alternatives available to him.

Ah. Well MsRobyn after reading that post, I can see it all clearly now. Hippy cooking curry is exactly like punching the complainers directly in the face, in every way.

So let’s recap here. A handful of rudely delivered complaints… “Dude, it reeks” doesn’t really give me much to go on. On the other hand, many more students investigating and/or enjoying it. Call me an “asshole,” but I’m not prioritizing the rude complaints over the generally positive feedback.

Some students spend a lot of time in bars… they come back reeking of smoke. Are they assholes for not changing their behavior? Some students like classical/country/rap music, and instead of playing through headphones they play it through their stereos at acceptable hours. Are they assholes, too?

A residence hall, at least where I was working, is not analogous to a barracks. Living on campus is optional. If you don’t want to share a room or a bathroom, you can choose to live elsewhere. Part of the living experience in a residence hall is being exposed to diversity in all its forms. That would mean thoughts, ideas, conversations, sights, sounds, and yes, even smells that you might not choose independently. (Within reason, of course - epithets, vomit, and nudity would be excessive and exceptions. Apparently cooking curry is on this level as well.)

So again, if someone delivers a complaint about something you’re doing, regardless of what the complaint is or how it’s delivered, you instantly stop doing it, and if you don’t, you’re an asshole? Just want to see if I follow your logic.

Isn’t this sort of a cynical way of defining politeness, wanting the world to be a place where people accommodate each other, and don’t just say shitty things to others on a whim? As I’ve said before, if someone had a genuine problem with the smell of the food, there are so many ways to say it that aren’t mean-spirited and offensive, and are more likely to get a sympathetic response from Hippy Hollow. It’s not even about being culturally insensitive. It’s just being respectful. If you’re nice to people, even when you have a problem with them, you’re more likely to get what you want out of the conversation. That’s why I think the complainers were just complaining, because they dislike the smell, not out of genuine distress.

Right, and telling someone that the food they love and are about to enjoy reeks and stinks is NOTHING like punching them in the face right back. It’s more like kicking them in the stomach, if we’re going to belabor a really crappy and unfair metaphor to death.

Oddly, now I really want some curry.

Nah. It is more like forced child prostitution right in their guts!

What alternatives? Eating non-smelly things?

What has happened to our noses? I remember threads about people wearing perfume who ruin peope’s entire working lives because they have to smell perfume. People who “risk others lives” by being smokers and smelling of smoke (not actually smoking at the time) just smelling of smoke and now we have offensive cooking smells that deeply offend people.

It’s a bloody good thing you people live in this pristine century. Personally the smell of shit sets off my gag reflex, I feel sorry for those of you set off by food.

What someone else eats is their business. Someone who cooks curry may be offended by the smell of whatever you eat.

Where does it end? Should we live in bubbles completley cut off from any smell at all… eating raw vegetables and smelling like unperfumed non-stinky stuff (is there anything that doesn’t smell?) .

It’s winter here, my dog smells like WET dog, should I get rid of her? We had oxtail stew for dinner and the smell was BIG and GLORIOUS should I apologise to the neighbours?

It’s a smell! It won’t kill you and it will pass. If someone else wants to eat something they love I can live with a smell.

OH DEAR I just farted! Hold your nose this thread is now contaminated!

I had a Pakistani friend who confided to me one day that I, and all the rest of the Westerners around him, smell of spoiled milk. Quite strongly. When I told him that he smelled strongly of curry, he refused to believe it and was quite offended. Just thought I’d add that cultural insensitivity isn’t limited to the West.

But how is that cultural insensitivity? It’s just about people realising not everyone smells the same and we just have to grow up and let our noses deal with stuff.

It’s a nose, it’s just doing it’s job.

From my experience in a dorm - while a certain amount of courtesy might be nice - it really isn’t to be expected. Curry seems to be less worse to me than vomit in the halls, the tender strains of Styx being shared with three floors, the loud sex happening across the hall, or that your roommate has decided that six friends over to watch TV on the day you planned to write a paper (that you told him about).

Hippy showed courtesy - he opened windows, turned on ventilation, and boiled up a covering smell when he was done.

If Hippy was operating under similar rules to your dorm, perhaps the RA would have said something - since that would be the appropriate method to stop the curry. Where the appropriate method to ask to stop the curry cooking would not involve works like “reeks.” On the other hand, I think that a certain amount of courtesy would just put up with it once a month or so - since you really don’t want an escalating war of “your food stinks” - as was mentioned a lot of us find certain non-ethnic kitchen smells revolting.

If your food smells bother other people, maybe.

False equivalents. Some people have allergies or migraines that are triggered by perfume and smoke. We also have laws about not smoking indoors in public places, and some areas have extended that to not being able to smoke within so many feet of the doors.

Personally, there aren’t many smells that bother me. I actually like the smell of skunk, and I eat foods whose smells bother the other members of my household, and vice versa. But we’ve managed to forge a compromise; we can eat them, just not at home. Airman, for example, likes liver, but I can’t stand the smell. He can eat it, but he can only eat it at a restaurant. We’ve had that experience and that conversation, and we’ve found a solution we can both live with.

True enough, and I never said otherwise.

I didn’t say that, either.

Not if it were in your own house. Hippy Hollow, however, was living in a dorm.

Let’s get off food smells for a minute and compare this to something that is a far more apt comparison.

Hippy Hollow was a dorm’s resident advisor, and he was presumably responsible for enforcing the rules of the dorm.

Let’s say that John, a freshman living in the dorm, doesn’t shower much and only does his laundry when he goes home for break. The smell of John’s body odor and dirty clothes permeate the hallways near his room, enough that other people complain. Hippy would probably have a word with John about the necessity of keeping himself and his clothes clean, and he might even cite the need to be neighborly as part of his position. At minimum, a compromise might be made where, for example, John can shower at the gym if he doesn’t want to shower in the dorm.

Food smells that others consider offensive aren’t any different, and the compromises involved might not be any different. Hippy could have offered to make a friend dinner in exchange for the use of the friend’s kitchen. Or he could have looked for another kitchen available for student use; my university had some.

Finally, what constitutes “offensive” is in the mind of the smeller, not the person generating the smell. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and all that.

Let’s say John is a lazy bastard and stinks to high heaven. Let’s say Hippy does talk to him.

Hippy says “John…some of your fellow dorm dwellers are a little offended by your body odour, could you please address this issue?”

What happens if John says “Hey Hippy…GET FUCKED. I paid good money to live here. My personal hygeine is none of your business” ?

Now bear in mind I have no experience with American dorms but I did spend 5 years living in youth hostels around the world and clearly the ettiquite is different but had I become annoyed with every smell I ever encountered I would have had a miserable time.

QUOTE=MsRobyn;11341509]Finally, what constitutes “offensive” is in the mind of the smeller, not the person generating the smell. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and all that.
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I’m not pointing at you in particular but it does intrigue me that Americans who are all about “Feedom of speech” and “Freedom to bear arms” etc are so concerned with controlling smells.

Food smells are neither illegal nor dangerous. The attraction of the smell may be in the nose of the beholder. But does that mean I get to decide that I hate your clothes because the colour combination hurts my eyes?

If my previous dorm experience is anything to go on, if John did tell Hippy to get fucked, John would be looking for new accommodations pronto. Part of the experience of dorm life is in learning to live and get along with different people. I didn’t say that Hippy shouldn’t be allowed to make curry, and I didn’t say that the complainers weren’t assholes. I just said that there should have been a compromise made for the sake of harmony.

You can hate my clothes all you want. In fact, there is at least one blog that does just that. And if you tell me so, I might be motivated to find clothes that aren’t so ugly.

I think one of the issues with Americans and smell is that there is too much or not enough. There are some stores I can’t go into because the smells literally bring tears to my eyes. I can’t walk past a perfume counter in a department store, and forget about Bed Bath & Beyond or Yankee Candles. On the other hand, I also mind sterile, smell-free environments unless the situation calls for them.

IIRC, you said that Hippy Hollow was the asshole (your word) in this situation, and that what he was doing was the equivalent of punching people in the face. It’s good to see you’ve moderated your stance somewhat, especially in light of how rude it is to tell someone their food reeks and stinks.

But how is that different than color, or light, or sound, or touch? Why is ok for the guy down the hall to discover the Dead Kennedys, but for you not to pop popcorn? What happens when you have one person in a dorm who finds bright lights to give her headaches while the roommate has poor low light vision and wants LIGHT. Should one dormmate have to live with the temperature of the room at 82 and always be hot because the other is always cold?

I’m not terribly fond of smells myself - hate incense. Lavender gives me migraines (as does incense). But I’m not fond of loud music (also tends to create migraines) or florescent lighting. Is my intolerance of smells particularly special?

First of all, the analogy to body odor and food is ridiculous. Body odor is indicative of a lack of cleanliness, for the most part (I know, some people have metabolic issues, etc.). So I wouldn’t necessarily take the “you stink” approach, it would be more of a public health issue (bedbugs, lice, etc.). And as an ancillary point I might add that the dude smells strongly.

But if a guy likes rose petal soap and bathes with it, and others don’t like it… well, there’s not much you can do there except point out that it’s a strong smell, and might he minimize or change soaps? I’ve dealt with students from different parts of the world and this is pretty common.

Actually, at this time the most offensive smell was probably Drakkar and/or Polo slapped liberally on the faces of collegiate Lotharios on Friday nights. Cologne + sweatsocks + “that dorm smell” = not a good time.

No, but you said I was, despite making efforts to minimize the impact on others. And you equivocated those efforts with “Dude, that reeks.” If I was going to label anyone in the scenario an asshole, it would be someone who can’t better articulate their “issue.” I can’t really address such a poorly articulated complaint besides to stop doing what triggered the complaint, which sounds dangerously like bullying-type behavior.

And few arguing this point have given credence to the fact that many more people were complimentary of the aroma.

Some other points:

Yes, we had communal kitchens. But they were adjacent to study areas that were typically full of people studying or working. We had an informal agreement that communal cooking would be done on weekends because of the impact on others. Of course you could still cook there if you wanted if the kitchen was available, but the noise and aroma issue was something you had to consider. On more than one occasion I let students use my kitchen just because of that.

Cooking elsewhere? Please. It’s a college town. I didn’t know anybody outside of the university setting well enough to invade their home to cook food, and quite frankly, that seems like an excessively spineless way to acquiesce to the fact that somebody might not totally love the (temporal) smell of what I’m making. By that same token, why didn’t students that frequented smoky bars crash at friend’s houses?

calm kiwi makes an interesting point, and an apt one. For a society that trumpets the importance of freedom, some folks seem awfully restrictive when it comes to smell. And keep in mind it’s not me cooking curry in front of an unwilling smellee’s door. It’s in my cooking facility, with due diligence given to minimizing the impact on others.

Wow. That’s your prerogative, I suppose, but if you choose clothes that are comfy and to your liking, I’d argue it’s someone else’s problem if they don’t like it. That’s like me saying that I don’t like your username, and your posting style. Are you going to leave the board, or not participate in threads that I’m in? Do you really think someone saying your clothes are ugly trumps your belief that they aren’t?

You mentioned your agreement with Airman, and that’s fine if he agrees with it, but you do understand a lot of people would find that excessively restrictive?

I do agree with one point you make, and it is that Americans tend to be way too smell-sensitive (and I count myself in that number). Whenever I travel internationally I always notice that I smell a lot more stuff - people, food, everything. Here, there’s a whole industry dedicated to de-smellifying everything. Some things we can probably agree are worth minimizing (sewage), but what’s so horrible about smelling human smells? I know that’s something that I try to say to myself when I encounter someone who’s a little sweaty (here, it’s been over 100 degrees F for 10+ days and if you are outside for more than a minute, you don’t smell like peaches and cream).

I also hate the potpourri-infused shops. I always suspect they’re covering up some horrible odor, like a dead body. The smell is so thick you can actually taste it.

I think that’s because smell is a very difficult sense to ‘cancel out.’ You can easily not look at something that offends you, but it is very difficult to not smell something when you are required to be in the same place as the smell.

Is that different than sound?

But I’d say the same thing about sound.

Perfect example - I’m in a coffee shop, procrastinating grading papers, and it was really chill and pleasant when I got here. Now it’s mid-morning, they’ve started playing some racket - sounds like Modest Mouse (whom I like) on crack - and it’s drowning out my Smiths playing on my iPod. I feel I would be within my rights to ask them to turn it down a little… but I wouldn’t be justified in asking them to turn it off completely.

ETA: my thoughts exactly, Dangerosa.

Depends on the level of sound, just as on the level of smell, so I’d say the two are similar.

When it’s at a low level, you can do things to cancel it out. With smell you can briefly breathe through your mouth if it’s just in an isolated area, or burn a candle in your room if it’s pervaded the floor. With sound, you can tune it out with your own preferred sounds or just ignore it.

When they both reach the level that it’s not able to be ignored, that’s when it’s a problem.

I disagree. Except with the strongest of smells, you grow accustomed to them very quickly. Haven’t you ever walked outside for a moment, come back inside, and thought, “Wow-you really can smell the bacon from breakfast”? You had tuned it out, and then didn’t notice it until you left and returned.

Sound is different. It is possible to tune out sounds to some extent, but loud sounds interfere with conversations, phone calls, watching TV, and much more. In the presence of loud music or other sounds, I have trouble writing or focusing on difficult problems. I can’t think of a thing I do that would be interrupted or made difficult by an aroma.