What's the deal with being ME?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

(Author would just like to state from the get-go that she has no real idea what sorts of responses would be appropriate, she just feels the need to blather.)

I’ve come to the conclusion that all of the problems I have are incurable. For instance:

  1. I’m overweight. It isn’t because I overeat, it isn’t because I only eat junk food, it’s just the way it is. I don’t want to be overweight, but all anyone can tell me is that I’d have to change my eating habits. Um, ok. I guess that means I can now lose weight by scarfing down chips and Snicker bars and eating my weight in Christmas goodies, right?

  2. I’m a smoker. I don’t feel the need to smoke just because I’m stressed out or something traumatic has just happened. I don’t smoke because of some mysterious psychological attachment to holding a cigarette or blowing smoke at someone. I just…smoke. I want to quit, because I don’t like to stink, and I’m tired of having a sore throat in the mornings, and I’m not entirely big on the idea of dying of cancer or emphysema. Basically though, nothing can help me quit smoking because the only part of smoking that I’m addicted to is just the act itself. I could be smoking tea leaves, as far as I’m concerned, as long as it comes in a pack and tastes good with a cup of coffee.

  3. I bite my fingernails. They don’t taste good, especially after having held numerous cigarettes throughout the day. I certainly don’t like the way it makes my hands look, raggedy nails and a quarter inch of fingertip above them. Yet sometimes, I get them so short, they bleed and hurt for days. Tried painting them…I just chew the polish off. Tried painting them with that nasty-tasting-stop-nail-biting stuff. Pshaw. I have a mission to accomplish! Save for a few things, there is no taste disgusting enough to make me keep my fingers out of my mouth.

So, one unfortunate circumstance and two bad habits. Otherwise, I’m all good with being me.

“Wednesday the 15th - Chris made one of her rare good points today.”
Guanolad

2

Just meaningless, benign comments here, so don’t flame me please.
So of us are predisposed to being heavier, regardless of what we eat. BUT I do have a twin sister, so I get to do all kinds of personal experiments/ observation of outcome of different lifestyles. I ride a bike everywhere and excercise not enough but maybe 3 times a week (I’m busy, as we are all, but I do something for a half hour every now and then). Just from this I am several pounds lighter than my sister and look much lighter. So while food might not be where it’s at, just moderate activity gets your base metabolic rate up the rest of the time.
I also used to chew my nails very very badly. Bleeding stumps style. I never really thought much of it. One day I decided I wouldn’t do it anymore and it was basically an act of wil-power; no gimmicks or tricks, just a consciousness of where I was sticking my fingers.
Maybe you could make a pact with yourself where say IF you quit smoking you can keep biting your nails, like a fake reward system?
And smoke the rolled up tea leaves instead-- they’re better for you.
Good luck and stay happy.

3

I can share on this. I bite my nails and am overweight (chocoholic!).

I’ve never smoked (or drunk), so can’t help you there. But I’m sure smoking is the best one of yours to get rid of.

I’m sure you’ve got to WANT to give up a habit and that you will probably need chemical support (nicotine patches?), plus emotional support (friends / family), plus a change in planning your day (because people tend to smoke in set circumstances).

Of course I’m advising you how to give up the habit I DON’T have, so feel relaxed about this post!

I managed not to bite two nails (one on each hand), so I can open ring pull cans and scratch myself (see Guy Stuff for details).

Hope this helps - you’re not alone. (Oh, that’s another idea - phone a support group as well).

Why doesn’t the sun come out at night when the light would be more useful? (Pratchett)

4

one of the things that always helps me keep at something is if i’ve paid for it.

altho i am outrageously healthy otherwise, i don’t have strong nails. for a party ~3 yrs ago i had acrylic nails put on &, because they looked so pretty, have kept them up. costs me about $30/mon, & the nails underneath aren’t any stronger, but the acrylics always look nice & that encourages me to keep my hands nicer w/ lotion & pretty rings. i often get compliments on them.

never smoked, so i know nothing about it (or so smokers tell me); but you might try talking w/ your doctor to see which of the no-smoking aids might be best for you. the suggestion above about varying your routine is really good. the yearly ‘great american smoke-out’ campaign has some good suggestions, too, in pamphlets. i think you can get more info from the american cancer society.

altho i’ve always been fairly thin, i did reach a point where i finally slowly put on 20 pounds over about 12 years, 10 pounds in one year alone. i bit the bullet, joined a gym, hired a personal trainer for a month, & started a routine of intensive weight lifting. my metabolism did a turnaround. i lost 10 pounds the first month, nearly 30 pounds in a year. i’ve been on a weightlifter’s diet for ~2 yrs & as long as i get even moderate exercise, i have no problem holding at 118. (for my final push last january i was doing 2 hrs/day 3 days/wk & could do 111 pound squats.)

i would not, however, have been able to push myself on my own to do the work that was required to get that weight off. i had to pay hard cash. if money is a real problem, you might consider at least joining aerobics, kick boxing, tai chi, tae-bo, yoga, or some other community-sponsored program.

i hesitate to say this as i don’t know you, but you might consider just why you aren’t taking better care of yourself. you deserve to be healthy & happy w/ yourself & no one can do more for you or appreciate you better than you can, not your husband, mom, friends, no one.

you might also think about what you would tell the person you cared about the most in the world if s/he came to you w/ the issues you stated here.

you can do this. it’s probably best to not try to tackle all of the issues at once, but they are all things you can conquer. go get’m!

The purpose of life is to matter, to count, to have it make a difference you lived at all.

5

sorry, make that 211 pound squats. much more impressive.

The purpose of life is to matter, to count, to have it make a difference you lived at all.

6

Well, i’d say there is a serious underlying reason for all of this, and you attitude about them and the feeling of helplessness about controling them speak volumes about your emotional state. I could tell you what I think the problem is, but it would be uninformed, based on no knowledge beyond my experience and common sense, and all in all very rude and sound like I was trying to be an asshole. I don’t want to do that, but I think it is worth saying that the problems are bigger than the simple acts you discribed.

I would point out that every weight issue could be dealt with in a very positive way if people would understand that what you eat has a very small impact compared to what the impact a even minimal excercise would do. Weight issues are only exaggerated by dieting and counting calories. Your singular focus on the fact you eat right in vain indicates to me that you may mildly obsess about it. Its not about dieting, its about getting healthy, the weight and figure take care of themslves.

I’d wonder aloud if seeking professional counciling would be a positive way to combat the source of all three problems, as well as some other you may not be fully aware of. Work on bringing your self esteem up and see if the bad habits become more manageable. This could likely work the other way as well. Get into a excercise program and begin feeling healthy and good about yourself and bring the self esteem up that way. Who knows, both may work, and each profession will want you to indulge in their method.

All things being equal I wouldn’t resign myself to these problems being irreconscileable like you have done here. I’d search for outside help in handling them. Either getting a physical trainer as has been suggested, or a therapist. Or all of the above. Tis the season for resolutions. And if you are worried about money, just remember that you could pay for the therapist and trainer using that ciggarette money.

7

Watching “Oprah” not too long ago, she this had this guest who said something that has really stuck with me. He said “My father used to say to me, ‘What your doing right this moment is what you are becoming.’” I’m not sure why, but it really struck a chord with me. I wrote on the front page of my daytimer.

I used to smoke - I suspect the same basic type of this addiction - it wasn’t for the nicotine - I could go days, even weeks without smoking if the circumstances warranted it, without bother. I liked smoking. I smoked close to pack a day most days for over 15 years. What made me quit was the same things you mentioned. My only advice is that if you really want to quit, you have to avoid those situations that make you want to smoke. If you can maintain for about 3 weeks - the cigarettes will taste like hell if/when you try to smoke one again. Have you tried replacing the habit with a different habit? Gum? lollipops? a quick cup of fragrant herbal tea that will thoroughly stimulate all the senses that smoking satisfies? Good luck.

I am overweight also. A lot of the time when I’m sitting around doing nothing in particular - that quote from above will chime in - damn that guys father! But, if you’re not excersizing regularly start. Start small - don’t cause injury or pain. I was thrilled with myself on the first day because I had excersized for 5 minutes. I have been sedentary for years - 5 minutes seems pretty lame - but it was 5 minutes more than the day before. After a month, I can do aerobic excersize for all of 20 minutes at a time. - I try for 5 days a week.
Honestly though, I have not experienced ANY weight loss - but I can breathe better, and I feel better - enough that I want to keep doing this even if it won’t help my weight. I believe it will once my muscle mass has improved.

Don’t wait to invest in acrylic nails - they are pretty bite proof, and they look nice. I have acrylic nails and I keep them short. Only about a quarter inch above the nail bed. I always had crappy nails - I never bit them, but they shear off in layers and are very thin and brittle (fortunately I have a great head of hair, though).

Good luck to you!

8

I have my flaws and bad habits too, yes nail biting is one of them, but from one mom to another I am going to give you the best possible reason to quit smoking – your child.
No matter how careful you are, the fact that you do smoke affects him, even if you don’t smoke when he’s in the room, if you smoke in the house at all, in some form he breathes it too. And just seeing you smoke affects his attitude toward it as well.
I know about this one, hubby smokes, I don’t, but he has not been allowed to smoke in the same building as our kid since the time I found out I was preggers. I wish he’d quit, too. I wish Cooper never saw daddy with a ciggie in his mouth, but he has to decide, there’s nothing I can do. Just like you have to decide what to do about your addiction. It’s tough, but there are all sorts of ways to quit – IF you want to. Sorry, I hope this doesn’t sound like preachy shit, I’m not trying to preach here - it just struck a chord.
All the best.

~There is no statute of limitations on karma~

9

I think the major effect seeing the parents smoking has on a child is to ensure that the kid never smokes. Jesus, if MOM does it, how cool can it be?

Keep it up, and you’ll probably raise a barefooted vegetarian who lives in a tree and plays the bamboo flute.

My old man smoked cigars up to the year before I was born…neither of my older sibs, who lived with it, EVER experimented with tobacco. My younger sister and I both smoke.

On the other hand, to quote my family physician at my last physical, if you quit smoking now, you’ll probably live longer, which will be nice for the 'lil nipper.

Uke

10

Hey Chris, I’m carrying a few extra pounds myself. But the women in my family are predisposed to that type of thing. I’ve also birthed three babies. My hips have widened permanently, I think. My trouble isn’t so much with extra weight, though. I’ve got a bunch of loose skin in my abdominal area. A few crunches a day could take care of it, I suppose…but I’m too freaking busy trying to take care of all the rest of the crap I have to cope with. Oh well. I’m fairly healthy otherwise.

Except for one thing. I smoke too. I don’t smoke in my house anymore, which means I don’t smoke much at all anymore. I will quit soon, though, because it’s costing me more money than it’s worth.

And Chris? There’s nothing wrong with your self-esteem. Just a couple of average bad habits, and a few extra pounds…like pretty much everyone else. :slight_smile:

11

O, I can’t and won’t give advice about the nail biting, or smoking…don’t do either…but maybe the weight thing I can add my 2 cents.

When I left the Navy 3 years ago, I was a slim 189 lbs. At 6’2", I was still a little thin, but in good shape. The first job I got, (and all the ones since) have been desk jobs. Well, I knew I was putting on weight, but didn’t realize how much untill about a month and a half ago. I was up to 233 lbs. I was extreamly irritated with myself…so, change of diet…cut out all soda…I used to drink probably 5-6 cans of Mt. Dew a day…at 150 or so calories, that made a differance…also, no more munchies at night…(ok ok…a bad of chips every now and then)…and a salad for lunch…not just to put this in perspective, I hate salad…with a passion. I’m a meat and potatoes kind of guy, but hey, had to sacrifice. To this point about a month and a half after these changes, I’m down to 215…I want to lose another 10-15 before I’m happy. I guess I had to get to the point were I was fed up with it, and made the decision to give up those things I really liked to lose the weight…Good luck…Kris

12

umm, cristi, it’s really wonderful that you feel so good about yourself. everyone should. & you’re probably right about an easy ability to solve what you see as minor problems. surely no one knows you or your circumstances better than you do.

however, chris has stated she is more than a little unhappy w/ these 3 things & is looking for solutions. generally speaking, put them together & they do indicate the person is reacting in a self-flagellating manner to something going on in his/her life. telling her that her problem is non-existent or trivial isn’t exactly as helpful as i’m sure you meant the statement to be. no offense.

on the other hand, suggesting finding one place to not smoke, the house, is a great suggestion, i’m sure. again, this from a lifelong non-smoker.

The purpose of life is to matter, to count, to have it make a difference you lived at all.

13

Well I’m not too good at advice, but I think being you is pretty cool. Your posts always make me smile or laugh or strike a cord with me somehow. You seem smart, witty , and generous. I can’t smell ya, and I can’t see your fingers or what you weigh, but I can enjoy your comments on this board.
Only advice I can give is to agree with the acrylic nail suggestions. my sister bit her nails for years. she started working at a bank, where people basically stared at her hands all day. She decided to stop biting them, got acrylics, and now they look great. Its definately worth a shot. They may bother you at first, but kinda like a new pair of shoes, you gotta break them(not literally) in.

so you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts. what’s so amazing about really deep thoughts? Tori Amos

14

Special, I’m not trivializing anything. What it sounds like to me is that Chris has some habits she’d like to break, not some major deep character and/or self esteem problems. Off-board conversations I’ve had with this truly delightful woman have led me to this conclusion.

It is my belief that if & when Chris chooses to break these habits, she will be successful, because she is a strong & healthy person, mentally & physically.

15

Yeah, it’s not anything really major, like I said, I just felt like blathering.

At one point, I didn’t feel that great about myself. (This was before I was even dating my husband, and I was pretty lonely in the romance department.) I couldn’t figure out why every guy who seemed to have potential was more interested in my stepsister, or my best friend. Being young and not having any self-esteem to speak of, I concluded that it was because they were much thinner and prettier than I. Now I realize that, sure, that might have been part of it, but they were much more charismatic. While I hid in the corner, they were floating around, having fun, making friends.

Seriously, I have made a sort of peace with myself, and I don’t think that I would ever want to be anyone else. Sure, I still get a little jealous of (insert physically fit person here) because she can fit into a size six while I’m bouncing back and forth between a 16 and an 18, but what the hell? I still end up looking pretty good when I want to.

Mostly, I just think it’s funny that there are pills that can help me “control my eating problem.” What I need is a pill that will help me want to get off my butt and start exercising. I have no problems with food. I eat what I want, when I want, and rarely is it ever anything “bad” for me. Even on the occasions when I do indulge, my body is so unaccustomed to foods that are overly sweet/rich/fatty, it doesn’t take very many bites before I have to push the plate away. It’s not food, it’s exercise. I hate to exercise.

Shortly after I posted the OP, I found my incentive to quit biting my nails. Nail-biting is a habit that both I and my husband have…and just the other day, whilst we were busy gnawing away at our fingertips, I caught sight of my nearly-two-year-old son. He had his fingers in his mouth, too. He’s never done that. So, I’m NOT biting my nails, at least, I haven’t for the last 36 hours or so.

As far as smoking goes, indeed, quitting is (yet again) one of my New Year’s Resolutions. At this moment, I have about six packs of smokes left in a carton in the freezer. I plan to take them with me to the NYE party I’ll be attending tomorrow, where I’ll tell everyone that the smokes are free. I won’t be bringing any cigarettes home with me. Hopefully, I’ll be able to make it all the way home without stopping at a gas station to by more…I’ll keep y’all posted.

Mentally, I have no problems with myself. I know that I’m “good enough, smart enough, and goshdarnit, people like me.” I have some physical cleansing that needs to be done, that’s all.

“Wednesday the 15th - Chris made one of her rare good points today.”
Guanolad