I did like 5 frickin’ loads of laundry today. Seriously, I could have sown a frickin’ shirt for Kate Moss with the lint. At least a halter top or something. I mean, by all rights shouldn’t I be down one shirt right now?? Is it generated by the frickin’ lint fairy?? Is lint the cosmic balance to rectify the occasional loss of a single sock in the dryer?? Does the dryer feel bad for stealing a sock now and then, so it gives forth the bounty of lint to balance the conservation of mass and energy for the universe?
Lint is taught from childhood (linthood?) to linger around dryers, laundry rooms and wash shops in general. You cannot possibly expect that the lint being mentioned actually separated from your own drying clothes, do you? Just leave a Kleenex™ in your shirt pocket and see how readily its particles detach from the rest of your dried laundry.
As someone else’s soon-to-be-lost stocking flaps like a wounded duck across their dryer’s own peculiar event horizon, into which all socks must one day enter (one at a time mind you, socks never disappear in pairs), like molting feathers from some mangy fowl, lint exfoliates from the hosiery’s downy surface. Per its earliest instruction, this scrofulous surplus wends its way back through the most minute of someone else’s appliance apertures and flocks (literally) to the filter therein. Mind you, your own dehydrating laundry is performing the same feat for some other person’s wash load, thereby maintaining the Conservation of Lint© theory’s equilibrium.
Just as multiple layers of stockings keep your feet increasingly warm, so do the aggregated strata of filter borne lint begin to accumulate latent dryer heat until it bursts forth as the more well known dryer fire. These laundry room conflagrations were nearly unavoidable until the advent of HEPA filtration. Still, the extreme cost of fitting regular household appliances with clean room grade air processing apparatus has delayed the advent of this crucial preventive technology upon the consumer market.
The dryer has nothing to do with it. Even the most sentient microprocessor laden wash day appurtenance cannot assume responsibility for the migratory habits that sock lint is imbued with from before birth. Only micromesh window screens, submicron molecular sieves and gaffer grade duct tape can possibly save you from the modern wash day nemesis.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Wow.
Applause, Zenster, applause.
clap, clap, clap
Here’s the question, though. Are the left-behind socks that are paired with the “lost” socks denied Sock Paradise forever, since they stand little chance of crossing the Dryer Event Horizon?
Of course there is more lint at this time of year.
Lint season continues for five more weeks.