I ripped my big toe nail off once. I have really strong, thick healthy nails that must be attached to the bed with super glue. Remember that Digger the dermatophyle commercial from a few years ago? The one where he walks up to the big toe nail and lifts it up like a toilet seat? I did that. I was wearing sandals and picked up a heavy piece of luggage and flip! Right off the bed and pointing straight up.
The feeling shot straight through my body. I got tunnel vision which irised out and I couldn’t see for several seconds. If I hadn’t had sat down just after I did it I would have passed out. I was very, very close though. It was strange as it hurt like the bowels of hell itself but the pain seemed distant. You know how they say when you’re dieing from the cold out in the blizzard a feeling of warmth and calm comes over you? It was like that.
Even though that was the worst pain I ever felt I’d still choose it over the times I get sciatica. Within a few hours the toe was only a dull throbbing pain but scitica just goes on forever leaving me rolling in bed all night biting on my pillow in agony.
More fun though is the time I was in scouts when I was about 11. We were building a log tower about 30 feet high with these pieces of log about 10 feet long and maybe a foot in diameter. I had tied one end of a log and another kid tied the other end then they started raising the log up to the top to tie it in. It got about 15 feet up when the other kid’s side came untied. His end swung down and hit me square in the face. Imagine my body as a tee, my head as a golf ball and the log as a club. It was just like that. Knocked me backwards onto my back. Thankfully I don’t actually remember much about it after that. Also I escaped with only a broken nose which isn’t even crooked and I don’t think they even called my parents. Ahh the 80s.
I have a fairly high tolerance for pain. I ask them not to use anesthetic for most dental procedures. I recently had some peridontal work done and they just used a light topical. Don’t bother with anything for most fillings. Strongest medicine I’ve ever had was a Tylenol III for a bad ankle sprain that kept me from walking for about 6 months (that hurt a bit).
But the worst pain I ever felt was when I was about 12 and had a really bad swimmer’s ear infection. The doctor had something that looked like a medicated shoestring and gradually jammed the whole thing into my ear canal. That was a bitch.
I can still feel where my chest tube went in 4 months ago.
As part of left side BC surgery, I had a chemo port inserted on my right side. Putting in the port, the surgeon “nicked” my lung, which collapsed and would not reinflate.
6 hours after my main surgery, a big team of general surgeons and student doctors marched into the “rapid recovery” ward to work on me. The students got to hold me down while the most experienced guy stuck in a chest tube. The local worked on the skin only.
I was busy not trying to dislodge the 2 left side drains while required to lay on my left side. The trainees were busy holding me down. The surgeon was busy digging between my ribs. He took what seemed like a really long time. The student closest to me broke a sweat staring at my face while I was grunting and moaning trying to breath through the pain. It was 3 minutes of poking, which I could see on the student’s watch.
I was on the rapid recovery ward for 11 days. It was only the threat of more surgery that jump-started my lung to heal and refill.
In the hospital, the staff doesn’t say “pain”. They say “discomfort”. My discomfort was worse than childbirth, worse than all 4 wisdom teeth out on the same day, worse than shingles, worse than the pickle bottle drop that broke a toe, and worse than any of my many kid injuries.