1.I once knew a German couple that people said had racist/neo-nazi beliefs. Being that they never expressed such things to me, I didn’t worry about it at the time. I got into a fight with them at a party that got pretty intense (their crowd was trying to steal beer, blunt instruments were brandished, police eventually showed up). They were filled with rage (over us stopping them from stealing our beer) and the girl looks at me and says “You’re nothing but a jew-boy.”
AFAIK no, I’m not Jewish. What made it so hateful is that within her rage, it was the worst thing she could think of. I guess it was hateful towards Jewish people in general, being that I didn’t find it particularly offensive to be called Jewish. I do remember giving her one of these :dubious:
I could start a thread of hateful things I’ve said…I don’t regret most of them.
This definitely wasn’t the most hateful thing anyone has ever said to me, but it was pretty upsetting to my parents and me.
So my family is eating at this really great restaurant for Mothers’ Day. The server seemed friendly enough, but she really blindsided us when she dropped off a rose for my mom at the end of the meal.
As the server handed over the rose, she said, “Happy Mothers’ Day… if you are a mom.”
I’m sitting there like, “Whaaaaaaaaaaa?” Both my parents kind of smiled but were a little shocked by this statement and said nothing.
Ok, in her defense, I’m adopted; I’m Asian and my parents are white. But really, it’s Mothers’ Day, I look way younger than my parents (although they look fantastic!), and this is something the server really shouldn’t have said out loud. Ugh.
Now I always feel that when I go out to eat with them, onlookers will just assume that I’m a family friend or something, and not actually part of the family. This irks me.
Eh, I’d take it with a grain of salt. Maybe she was just being politically correct and saying it to everybody. Maybe she got caught off guard a couple of times by others who weren’t mothers (i.e. “What, just becuase we’re sitting together and they’re younger than me makes me a mother?”)
I get the same type of thing whenever I take my son to the pediatrician and there’s a different nurse. “And you are his… father?” They’re just being careful not to make assumptions.
Uh, I think you are taking things a little too personally. Nobody is automatically going to know what the family relationship is, even if you did look alike. Whenever I go out in public with my own Mom nobody assumes I am her daughter. I think the server was just erring on the side of caution there, and would have said the same thing to any other possible family.
At the beginning of junior high school (early '70s), I was surrounded by a mob of schoolmates at a class dance shouting “Are you queer!? Are you queer?!” over and over. I was shocked, confused and terrified - couldn’t break out of the circling mob for what seemed like an eternity. I think I ran all the way home (several blocks).
(and people wonder why I don’t do high school reunions!)
Turns out I’m not gay, but that doesn’t really matter. It’s hateful either way.
I’m sure I said some hurtful things to my first husband as we were going through our breakup. I don’t remember what they were.
This is very similar to the worst thing I ever said to someone. I had a friend who used to threaten to kill herself all the time and after death threat #24,601 I finally looked at her and said, “You know, if you are going to kill yourself just fucking do it already. If you aren’t going to kill yourself shut the fuck up about it.”
I shouldn’t have said it and there were probably a million more tactful ways to point this out to her but it was effective. She stopped threatening suicide (at least to me) and is alive and well. I saw her about a month ago and she seemed happy.
1. What is the worst / most hateful or hurtful thing you’ve ever been told?
a. In 4th grade my mother told me that she loved me, but didn’t like me. The reason she didn’t like me? I wasn’t likable.
b. Later, in my late teens, she told me that if she and my dad got divorced, it would be my fault.
2. Was it true?
a. Dunno. I think I’m likable and I’ve always had friends, although I am painfully shy and easily intimidated.
b. I don’t think so, although in my younger years I was a cause of stress on our family. But looking back (and as a mother now), I can’t believe she would say something like that to me. (They didn’t divorce, by the way.)
3. As a bonus question, what is most hurtful thing you’ve ever said?
In high school I told a girl who I knew had attempted suicide more than once that the world would be a better place without her. I still remember the look on her face when I said that. Granted, she had said some pretty nasty things about me that weren’t true, but everyone at school knew not to believe a word she said. I could have/should have just ignored her entirely.
Feelings are real, and it doesn’t matter what you “should” feel, but -
I am on the other side of your situation - I am white and both my kids are Asian. And we got our share of people doing double-takes when they saw my wife and I and our two obviously non-white children when we were out shopping. I don’t know if makes any difference, but I have found that people don’t usually mean anything by it. They are just not used to it, so they say things they haven’t thought thru.
Like I say, you are not wrong to feel that way. It may be different for me, as where I live Asian (specifically South Korean) adoptions are not rare.
On the other hand, having Asian kids caused someone to say the most hateful thing to me that I have ever encountered. A local kook, by name Elroy Stock not only had a bug up his bum about mixed marriages, but about inter-racial adoptions. He combed thru the public records and found people with non-Asian sounding names who adopted children with Asian sounding names, found us, and sent us a ten-page screed of neo-Nazi ravings and accusations of race betrayal and such like. At least, I assume it was all raving - I didn’t make it to the bottom of the first page. NOt as bas a Phred Phelps, but tending in that direction.
Was it hurtful? Not particularly - old Elroy was obviously a couple of fries short of a Happy Meal, but it was a little disturbing to realize that there are people who hate me that I haven’t even met, and can find my address if they put their minds to it.
My mother, enrolling me in school for the first time when I was 5 3/4 old. I had been reading since I was.
Principal: Your daughter should have been enrolled last year. I’m recommending that she go into 1st grade.
My Mother: No, she’s too stupid for 1st grade. Put her into kindergarten.
Was it true? No. My mother just hated me and was trying to destroy me anyway she could.
She later signed the papers so I could get married at 16 rather than having me live with a family that hated me for a year and a half more of high school.
In 9th grade I was taking a prep for college type class. We were going to visit a University the following week but to go you needed written permission from each of your teachers. When I asked my English teacher for permission she said, “People who get D’s don’t go to college”. And she didn’t let me go on the field trip.
Yes it was true. People who get D’s don’t go to college. It was a wake up call. I started to do way better in all my classes and eventually graduated with a 3.4 GPA and went to a University.
1b. (bonus) When I graduated from college I had to return home because I didn’t land my “dream job” right out the door. I was in my bedroom and I overheard my younger sister talking to my mom outside. She said, “Wow I can’t believe he wasted 4 years of his life”. It hit me really hard. I already felt like a worthless sack of shit because I had to move back home. And now my high school drop out, meth addicted little sister was even taking cheap shots at me.
2b. It was kind of true, in hind sight. Obviously having a college degree is worth something, no matter how you look at it. But I haven’t done anything in the field I studied for those 4 years. It’s been six years now since I graduated and I still feel like shit because I haven’t really done anything to justify the college tuition I’m still paying off…
What is the worst / most hateful or hurtful thing you’ve ever been told?
It has to be something my soon to be ex-wife said to me during one of our many “should we divorce” fights.
Basically, I confronted her about always being an after thought to her because this is how I had felt my entire marriage (ok ok enough for a thread later), and she responded by trying to convince me that she always thinks of me first. She went on a diatribe ending with “Well, I guess after 5 years you really do not know me.” This just really got to me and still does . . . .
Was it true?
come to think of it, I guess so. I really do not know her . . . If I did perhaps our paths would have been different. I thought I knew her better than anyone in my entire life . . . hmm.
As a bonus question, what is most hurtful thing you’ve ever said?
It’s a toss up between “I cheated on you with your Best Friend” and “Mom, I would rather live with my dad” uhg life sucks no?
I can’t seem to recall many truly hateful things said to me, but 4th, 6th, and 7th grade were hell. The one that pops out at me, though, was when I went to see my best friend when I was about 6. Totally out of the blue, he said something like “Get away from me, you shit”, then threw a swing at me. I was stunned, as as far as I knew, I had done nothing to raise his ire.
Upon reading the posts of others, I must renew the appreciation I have for my parents. They’re awesome. My family is about as close to functional as can be without actually moving into the Brady house.
“I wish you had never been born” or “Don’t ever have children; they’ll ruin your life just like you ruined mine”. My mother had some issues when I was a child, but she’s fine now and we’re great friends. I had a hard time thinking of the most hateful thing said to me, because I’ve heard so much (queer+rural school=/=fun) and learned to just brush it off.
She may have felt that way at the time, but I certainly didn’t ruin her life and she likes me just fine.
“Now I see why your mother smokes crack”. I had an as-yet-undiagnosed-with-schizophrenia boyfriend, and he was being crazy about something or another, and I was just disgusted with him. I don’t know how I feel about that entire relationship, let alone that particular statement to him. I have a feeling I had some cause and effect mixed up there.
Had an ex-girlfriend accuse me of being a controlling bastard who couldn’t handle anyone around them have any autonomy, in the process of breaking up with me.
To a limited extent–I inherited a lot of worrywartish tendencies from my mom, and therefore can be a bit smothering. On the other hand, some instances of me being controlling included “can you please not sleep over on the couches of your guy friends, considering you’ve already cheated on me once”, “can you call me if you tell me you’re going to sleep here instead of your place, and then decide to stay out until 5:30 am with some random people”, etc. The last straw was when a mutual acquaintance decided to fuck around with both of us in order specifically to get me in trouble with her. Even after finding this out she decided she was better off without me, and at that point I figured the vice-versa was true.
I can’t think of anything too bad I’ve ever said to anyone–I’ve done more than my share of exaggerating trivial misdeeds in order to score some kinda deranged “points”, but I got woken up right good there.
1. What’s the most hateful thing anyone has ever said to you?
When I was in high school, my step-brother was The Annointed One and I was The Other One. He was extremely popular with the ladies, to the point that our phone would ring off the wall every night, with girls calling to talk to him, desperate for a few minutes of his attention. I get sick of it one night and complained to my mother that I would love to have a little peace from the constant phone calls.
Her respons: I don’t see girls making a trail after you.
2. Was it true?
Yes, I was a geeky and unpopular kid.
3. What is the most hurtful thing you’ve ever said?
I don’t remembe who or what or even the context, but I remember someone telling me they were sorry. I said, utterly nonchalantly, “No, you’re not. Don’t tell me you’re sorry if you’re not.”
1. What is the worst / most hateful or hurtful thing you’ve ever been told?
Sometimes it’s not what’s said, but rather what isn’t said at all.
For me, it was Christmas 2007, when my dad sent a newsletter to everyone in the family (including me).
The first two pages babbled happily about his new step-granddaughter being born and his step-son getting married.
Way down on page 3 came a single line entry: “Mahna has decided to settle down with her partner The Boy in Toronto, and they seem pretty happy.” Incidentally, 2007 is the year The Boy and I decided to buy a house, which I thought was a pretty significant milestone… but I guess we know where dad stands now.
2. Was it true?
That I settled down in Toronto? Yep. That I seem happy? Guess so. That he’s more focused on his step-kids and step-grandkids than his own blood daughters? Yeah, pretty sure that’s true too.
3. As a bonus question, what is most hurtful things you’ve ever said?
I said some pretty awful things to an ex after we broke up, though I’ve forgotten the exact words.
We were living together at the time, and neither of us really had anyplace else to live… so we got stuck sharing a tiny 1 bedroom and sleeping in the same bed for nearly a month before we were could find new apartments (just sleeping, though). We had some pretty nasty fights during that month, and it was a long time before we could be friendly with each other.
What is the worst / most hateful or hurtful thing you’ve ever been told?
My mother had been drinking again and, out of nowhere, while we were sitting down to Christmas dinner, she said, “Overly, you’re weak. You’re nothing.” I said, “What?” She repeated herself in front of our entire family.
Was it true?
I certainly hope not.
As a bonus question, what is most hurtful things you’ve ever said?
I don’t love you anymore. I only wish I’d dumped you before you could dump me.
What is the worst / most hateful or hurtful thing you’ve ever been told?–
Someone expressed pity for my husband because he has to “sift through my layers of fat to find my vagina.”
Was it true?–
Am I overweight? Yes. Going to do something about that once I spit this kid out. Does my husband really have to sift through layers of fat to find my vagina? No. I like to think that the location of my vagina is rather apparent. He seems to agree and has not spoken to that person since.
As a bonus question, what is most hurtful things you’ve ever said?
I asked a former roommate and friend if a particular object belonged to him. When he replied in the affirmative, I threw it down in disgust. This evolved into a diatribe about what a lying pathetic loser he was.
I have probably done worse in my life, but that’s the one that makes me feel the most guilty. He had done some things to make me angry, but they really weren’t his fault and he didn’t deserve that.