The other day someone said something to me that I hadn’t heard in a while. I used to hear it a lot as a child and it used to hurt my feelings then. When I recounted what happened to my husband, I remarked to him how much it used to hurt me as a kid, but it didn’t even phase me anymore. He said he wasn’t surprised as nothing hurts my feelings anymore. I protested, but he asked me to really think about when was the last time something or someone hurt my feelings.
He was right. Yeah, every now and again someone will say something or something will happen that stings, but I see that more as my ego getting bruised than my feelings getting hurt. He agreed with me.
So when was the last time something or someone hurt your feelings? I’m not looking for anything traumatic here, folks, just a seemingly offhanded comment, for example, that actually hurt your feelings.
My name was left off the masthead of a book that just came out – whereas the name of someone way below me in the foodchain who had abso-freakin-lutely zero to do with the project in any conceivable manner was included – at the specific instruction of the big boss.
The last time my mom and grandparents came to visit, which was a few years ago (usually we go to visit her) we spent the week beforehand spiffing up Stately Fries Manor from its usual state of disorder. Everything was dusted and vacuumed and the kitchen, bathroom, and guest room in really good shape. The living room was straightened up, but “lived in.” There were piles of books (mostly my textbooks and class notes) and some old magazines and stuff laying about, but everything was stacked up squarely and tucked in corners. We were relaxing on the couch the evening she arrived and my mom made an offhand comment: “Well, I’m glad you didn’t feel like you had to clean just for our sake.”
Um, ow?
The thing that bothered me most was that it was so uncharacteristic. For one, she’s not the world’s best housekeeper herself, and well aware of it. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her put anyone down for not keeping a clean house. She’s not a person who makes back-handed compliments or snide little remarks. That means I have no defenses against it. I’ve always been that way; I can’t handle criticism from my family, at all, because they’re usually very kind, gentle, sensitive people. When they say an unkind word, it puts me in a complete tailspin.
I keep telling myself it was just a joke that feel flat, or that she sincerely meant it () but, obviously, it has bugged me for years.
A few nights ago, one of my best friends whose wedding I’m standing in next month got drunk, yelled at me, and threatened to punch me in the face. I attribute it to stress from planning the wedding and the many beers he consumed, but in our 10 years of friendship nothing like that had ever happened. It definitely hurt my feelings.
Last night my SO and I were discussing a couple we know that just broke up after several years together. It was kind of a shock to me, but my SO said he wasn’t surprised because the “dumper” had just graduated from law school and passed the bar exam, so it’s to be expected that the dynamic of the relationship would change.
My SO has an advanced degree, a prestigious job, and makes oodles of money. I’ve always paid my share of the bills but have not exactly set the world on fire financially or career-wise, and I do not have a college degree. In fact, I’m going back to school this fall, during which time my SO will be shouldering most of the financial responsibilities.
It bothered me that he seemed to think it’s “natural” for relationships to fail when one person makes more money/is more successful than the other. We’ve been together for seven years so we’re living proof that that’s not true, and we know at least one other couple with disparate incomes/educations. Still, it kind of makes me wonder if he looks down on me, at least subconsciously.
This morning, I managed to let my feeling get hurt by my wife’s simple request of me to Xerox some papers. Her tone of voice upset me. She sounded rather annoyed as she asked the question. I’ve heard this tone of voice before and it triggered an emotional response in me. I told her that I didn’t like the tone of her voice.
I guess I’m saying that, for me, the way someone talks to me can be as upsetting as what they say. It certainly doesn’t help that I read in to many things that my wife says. Perhaps this has something to do with the “lack of communication” that we have with each other.
Mrs. Kunilou told a workshop yesterday that she felt she had only been invited there as a token representative to showcase the workshop’s diversity and that when it came to actually discussing the needs of the group she was supposedly representing, they were completely shut out and treated as if they didn’t even exist.
Break up with ex after very seriously dating for two years. He didn’t exactly say anything, (maybe it was the lack of what he said) but it was very messy and I’m still not completely over him.
LE, I think you may be a bit sensitive on this issue, and it caused you to misinterpret what your SO meant.
Any major life change (like from Student to Worker) can change the dynamics of a relationship. It isn’t about one person making more money than the other; its about how change can be stressful to a relationship.
I’m rather sensitive so I get my feelings hurt a lot. However, I’m pretty good at not letting my feelings show - only my puppy knows the truth.
I think the last time was last week when a woman (customer) yelled at me for selling an item that she had wanted for herself. Stupid, but I got a massive migrane that hasn’t gone away since.
My feelings don’t often get hurt. The last time my feelings were hurt were when I was discussing promotion and wage-levels with a work friend. He said something along the lines of “I don’t think you will be promoted or get a wage rise. They can’t afford it”
It hurt my feelings because I know for a fact I am going to be promoted and get a wage rise because my new boss has told me several times. And I trust the word of my new boss.
In fact I have reason to believe my new boss has considered promoting me two steps, from below to above my colleagues. Altering my position so that rather than them being my supervisors, I would be their manager.
I demonstrated long long ago that my level of expertise, responsibility, diplomacy, pro-activity, usefulness did not justify my diminished rank.
Two weeks ago. My dad called me up to yell at me for supposedly being rude to both him and my mom when I brought my kids out to their place on Mother’s Day. Without going into a long, drawn-out story (worthy of it’s own thread), all I will say on the subject is that I really didn’t do anything different than any other time I go there and bring my family so I don’t really understand 1) what I did wrong and 2) why he waited a week to tell me all this when he could have bypassed all this by telling me what I was doing wrong when I was doing it.
A good friend, starting up a new business hurt me badly a few weeks ago when I called her to ask her how things were going, and offer support as they teeter on the brink of either sucess or bankruptcy. I am sure they will make it, and told her so.
Then she suddenly drew a deep breath and told me that “as a friend” (don’t you always just hate whatever comes after those words??) she didn’t know why I am working on expanding my English school because A) my husband has a good job so I don’t need the money, B) my kids are suffering by me putting them in daycare till 6pm three days a week and C) I am extravagant and could live on just my husband’s wages if we pulled in our horns.
Never mind that I have a dream too, that my little English school is what I have wanted to do for a long time, that I do a good job and am careful to provide value for money…
I didn’t want to go off at her because I thought maybe the stress of their own business was getting to her, so I just deflected the conversation, and we talked about something else. Some minutes later I mentioned our annual trip to England, and I got a “You’re going AGAIN???” in incredulous tones. Well, we have gone back most years since you have known us, and that’s 14 years now… Then she had the gall to say “That’s what I mean about you living beyond your means.”
At that point I told her I had to go shopping and hung up. Huh.
) but, obviously, it has bugged me for years.