I am watching Sudden Death on Universal HD; I’m only about 2/3 of the way thru, but it has already rocketed past “Die Hard with a Vengeance” as the single most preposterous piece of celluloid ever created.
I’m not sure where to begin, but let’s just consider the various ways Jean-Claude Van Damme kills the various bad guys:
[li]Strangles a baddy hiding in a Penguins mascot costume by jamming his head into the scullery’s industrial dishwasher, then stabs his buddy in the neck with a broken chicken legbone from a discarded dinner plate[/li][li]Improvises a blow-dart gun using a fire extinguisher, rubber tubing, and a dart made of a finishing nail jammed thru a wire nut; one shot pierces the jugular of a henchman who gets the drop on him.[/li][li]Loads a water pistol with lighterfluid, pulls it out on the baddy (Dorian Harewood, a rogue secret service agent leading the response to the kidnapper’s demands) who quips “What’re ya gonna do, drown me?”, then proceeds incinerate him. [/li][li]Masquerades as the Penguins goalie to avoid being caught, makes the “save of the year”, then gets himself thrown out of the game to draw the men who’ve now recognized him into a trap (one ends up having his head smashed between the leg holds of a Prospot exercise machine).[/li][li]Manages somehow to accidentally open the roof of the arena, gets into a hand-to-hand with the armed lookout there, then drops him onto the top of the overhanging scoreboard, causing it to explode. I can’t describe the acrobatics he uses next to swing himself into the VIP box where the VP is being held so he can gun down a dozen or so henchmen (all byut the mastermind, of course); you have to see it to believe it.[/li][li]For the finale, as the mastermind (Powers Boothe) tries to escape by helicoper, fires a perfect shot to kill the pilot and have the stick jerked backward into his lap. The result is the helicopter lists until the nose points vertical, the chopper falls straight downward. Van Damme and Booth are in perfect position such that each can stare at the other as it falls thru the now opened roof and crashes directly on the ice.[/li][/ul]
This on top of the cheesy cliches (I really don’t know where to begin detailing these, so I just won’t bother) and the scenery-gorging performance of Powers Boothe, who actually says near the end of the film:
When his plan is finally ruined, but gets a gun to point at Van Damme with his daughter, aims at the little girl and says “I’m not going to kill you; I just want you to live the rest of you live knowing you couldn’t save her; ah ha ha ha ha!”
No, I am not making that up. Finally, I decided to look on the IMDB for this film, and spotted this interesting bit of trivia:
“While shooting inside of the Civic Arena, in some sections there were cardboard cut outs of people because production didn’t have enough money to pay any more extras.”
I guess they blew all their cash on the screenwriter. But seriously, if you are looking for a great comedy, this is it.
Anybody else seen this steaming pile of absurd action, or can nominate a better film for the title of “Most Preposterous Film Ever Made?” I’m specifically excluding SciFi or Fantasy from this category; only films that adhere to the laws of reality as we know them today.