A million dollar wound being a wound sustained in combat that’s enough to get you sent home but not enough to cripple you or be horrendously painful - e.g. in Forest Gump he gets shot in his arse. In the U.K. we call it ‘copping a blighty’.
What’s the best wound you could hope for in combat that would be serious enough to get you sent home whilst being mild enough avoid agonising pain or being maimed?
Is getting one’s little toe shot off enough? You need the big toe for balance, but not the littlest one.
Getting shot through the ass sideways, all muscle and fat no bone, is the classic one as I understand it.
The problem is, different docs are going to make different judgments about whether a “marginal” wound is serious enough to permanently take you out of combat. I think shooting yourself in the foot was a “classic” technique, probably because it would immobilize you and it was easy to do – but it was also immediately suspect as a self-inflicted wound.
They make a point of this ass-shot in Band of Brothers. 5 of them got shot in the ass - 1 guy they even specifically describe as getting 4 wounds - an entry & exit, on each cheek. None of them went home for that, tho.
Back when I was working in a prison, one of my colleagues retired on a full disability. He had a mental disability. Supposedly, a prisoner (who was never identified) threatened to kill him. (This alleged incident occurred the day he reported to work after being demoted in rank.) As a result, he found a doctor who reported that he could never again work inside a prison and was psychologically disabled for life. So he collected a full paycheck and the only restriction on him was that he couldn’t go inside a prison.
It is generally agreed that if you have to get shot somewhere, the a wound to the buttocks can leave a man bedridden while having the smallest chance of producing a permanent disability.
Getting your trigger finger shot off? I believe one of the WW2 veterans in Ken Burns’ documentary was sent home when that happened to him.
Coming out as gay?
This is how Gregg Allman reportedly beat the draft back in late 60’s. Being no fool, he called for paramedics and waited until the sirens could be heard in the distance before accidentally shooting his foot. The clever ruse succeeded.
.
“How do I get out of the army?”
“Easy - just make a pass at your commanding officer!”
“Done and done. And I mean done!”
If you’re already on active duty it sounds like a good way to get yourself court-martialled, dishonourably discharged and locked up. I’m more thinking of the best you could hope for if you wanted to get out of dodge without incurring the wrath of the higher ups.
A badly torn ACL. Painful to be sure, but no more so than getting shot I assume. Might not get you discharged, but you’re going stateside for a long while. Also, it’s usually not a life long crippling injury (cite: every athlete that’s ever torn an ACL and come back).