One commercial message must stand above all others by virtue of its sheer unconvincingness.
My favourite is from a campaign for Grove’s Emulsified Nose-Drops, from 1934:
I don’t think anybody’s surprised that the Vicks people beat the pants off them within the decade.
Anybody have any examples of worse advertising strategies?
Bank of America has been trying to personalize itself by putting up various billboards with nice, ordinary-looking folk and the slogan “The Bank of Mary” or “The Bank of Carl,” or whoever.
The other day, though, I looked up to see one that said: “The Bank of Jack.”
Doesn’t really inspire my confidence.
Quizno’s with the man raised by wolves. Put me off their subs forever.
And Enzyte Bob. Yuck.
There was always the laxative commercial of a decade or so back (I think it was Ducolax), where they took out the pill – an early gel-cap design. The pill was cylindrical. And brown. Then they cut it in half. A goopy brown liquid oozed out.
Form following function is one thing, but my first thought is “No way I’m going to put that thing in my mouth!”
Quizno’s’ use of the “We Like the Moon” meerkats was equally less-than-inspiring. If you sell submarine sandwiches, you do not want people to associate your product with a pair of creatures that look like dead rats.
And while we’re on the subject of submarine sandwich commercials:
Togo’s (I believe) had a commercial where a lady fetched a partially-eaten Togo’s sandwich out of the trash and began to chow down on it. The message was supposed to be “Our sandwiches are so good they’re even worth eating in this state!”, but the message this viewer came away with was, “Ewwwwww!”
They’re not meerkats, they’re Spongmonkeys! I kinda liked them.
One of my two choices is for Quizno’s as well, though–the one where their chef was so obsessed with making sandwiches that he forgot about everything else in his life, including his pet bird (which was shown claws-up in the bottom of its cage due to his forgetting to feed it). I like Quizno’s sandwiches, but for awhile I wouldn’t go there because of that commercial.
The other one is that stupid Pepto-Bismol commercial with all the people reciting their gastric ailments while making the appropriate motions (I don’t remember how the thing went, but it ended with “upset stomach, diarrhea.”) Bleah.
Two of my FAVORITES! (Though I have grown quite weary of Enzyte Bob, I have a sneaking admiration for the writer’s ability to write spots that use innuendo to express the alleged function of Enzyte without ever making a single actual, literal, legally actionable claim that Enzyte facilitates or improves erections.)
I was astonished recently to see a (presumably) pro-Kerry campaign button with a picture of Kerry and the slogan: “Kerry: You can do better.” (Or, possibly “We can do better.”) In my mind, it registered as “You can do better than to vote for Kerry.” :smack:
Could be worse. It could have been Torgo’s Subs. 
On the box for the animated movie of Animal Farm: Fun for the whole family.
“I’ve fallen! And I can’t get up!”
When they thought it up at the agency, it ust have seemed like perfectly appropriate and sensible copy to sell an emergency-notification phone. Why not? Who knew it would so quickly turn into a pop-cult joke?
Once at the masquerade at an SF con, a guy came onstage dressed as Jesus. There was some funky music playing and he tried to dance, but it was obvious he couldn’t get into it. This repeated a couple of times. Finally he shouted, “I’ve risen! And I can’t get down!”
Everybody groaned.
I really really don’t understand the Skittles commercial with the man in the birds nest.
Hispanic man in a great big birds nest high on a mountain is squawking away and a giant eagle-like bird brings him Skittles, and then he says, “Thank you, thank you very much.”
I don’t understand this commerical. I don’t know if it’s important that he’s Hispanic or not. Is it telling me that if I’m stuck in a giant birds nest, some bird will bring me candy? Does the candy help you out of the nest? Why didn’t the bird carry the man off? How did he get there in the first place?
This commerical hurts my brain.
I used to work in medical advertising and I had a copy of this ad above my desk:
Heroin–the sedative for coughs.
Not a bad slogan, I guess, but it didn’t contribute much to the ultimate success of the product.
The worst thing I ever saw was for BMW, on Irish TV about 5 years ago, following a slight redesign of the radiator grilles:
We may have changed the shape of our kidneys, but you still get the same feeling in your guts.
Who the hell approved that?
There was also an ad for skin cream on Hong Kong TV that went
“Gradually skins healthy glows restores.”
I had to listen to it about 20 times before I realised it was:
“Gradually, skin’s healthy glow’s restored.”
Firstly it was written really badly for speaking, and secondly the voiceover artist had a speech impediment.
I still laugh thinking about the old Snickers commercial where the woman says the hunger is “pokin’ at ya, pokin’ at ya, pokin’ at ya.” As she points to her belly 3 times.
I only saw this commercial once, and assume it was pulled shortly thereafter when the company realized what it was saying.
A lady is unloading the dishwasher, and notices there are “unsightly spots” on her glasses and dishes. She takes out a cloth and begins to wipe the spots off. The announcer then says. “Tired of having to wipe the spots off your clean dishes? Try Cascade!” We are then shown dishes in the washer going through the rinse cycle, and the announcer explains that a special ingredient in Cascade causes the water to come off in sheets, leaving you with spot-free dishes. Then we see the lady, dishcloth in hand, about to unload the dishwasher and wipe the dishes. To her delight, she discovers they are spot-free, and puts away her cloth.
So far, so good, until the tagline at the end of the spot:
"Cascade gives you sheeting action with no wiping!
My father and I were watching TV together one evening when this commercial came on. When we heard that line, we both looked at each other and burst into uncontrolled laughter!
Reminds me of the time about ten years back when I wrote an April Fool’s Day post on Usenet describing the upcoming Disney adaptation of Animal Farm.
I got no less than three replies from people who didn’t realize that I was joking.
The Jack-In-The-Box line of fast food joints did a commercial that was so dammed bad that my Father, Mother and I all agreed on something.
Which has never happened before, as I recall.
In the commercial, people approach a gasoline pump, that is labeled with various fast foods items–hamburgers, fries, shakes, etc. They pick up the pump, hold the nozzle above their mouths, and squirt a horrilble brown oooze down their throats.
Supposedly, this represented how other restaurants feed their customers. :eek: :smack:
Dad phoned Jack-In-The-Box immediately, and we all swore a sacred oath never to eat at Jack-In-The-Box again! :mad: :mad:
We need a “vomiting” smilie; if not for this, then for the pimple threads.
Years ago I remember a series of print ads for cigarettes (don’t remember the brand) where they showed cartons of smokes served up on plates and garnished like food.
So, for example, there was one ad where a carton had corn-on-the-cob holders jammed in both ends and a big pat of butter melting on top … .
Absolutely disgusting … .
And then there’s this new campaign by the LA Visitors Bureau. Everytime I see it on a billboard I read it as “Seamy LA”.