What's your Chonology for Happiness?

"Weekend Competition: Chronologies for Happiness

This weekend, co-vocabularists are invited to devise chronological prescriptions for contentment.

One traditional formula ran thus:

If you wish to be happy for a day, get well shaved;
For a week, get invited to a wedding;
For a month, buy a good nag;
For half a year, buy a handsome house;
For a year, marry a handsome wife;
For two years, take holy orders;
But, if you would be always happy and cheerful, practice temperance.

Another suggested:

If you would be happy for a day, get drunk;
For two days, get a pig;
For a month, get married;
And for life, plant a garden.

As ever, merit badges will be awarded for wit and pith."

Mine:

For an hour, eat candy
For a day, turn off your phone
For a week, have a picnic in the country
For a month, buy a new laptop or fancy cell phone
For a year, pay off all your debts/declare bankruptcy, whichever comes first
For a lifetime. Read a whole lot more advice than I have, and good luck to you.

I’ve discovered more:

Want to be happy for an hour, be out of touch with the office for an hour.
Want to be happy for a day, be out of touch with the office for a day.
Want to be happy for a few years, get the office to fire you such that you can sue for wrongful termination.[ Note: Those few years start when the lawsuit ends]

How does that saying go again?

Extinguish a man’s fire and you’ll be happy for a day.
Set a man on fire and you’ll be happy for a whole week.
Burn his kinfolk, village and possessions and you’ll be happy for the rest of your life.

I think that’s how it goes.

Happy for an hour: a nice sweaty session of afternoon sex.
Happy for a day: play hookey from work.
Happy for a week: get a raise.
Happy for a month: complete a home renovation project.
Happy for a year: be healthy.
Happy for a lifetime: win the lottery.

Happy for eternity, have your date of birth become a religious holiday