This question is inspired by an answer on a question back in GQ, concerning men, women and fetishes. According to one reply, what most people think of as a fetish is officially a paraphilia(I know, I never heard of it before either). But the definition provided by the link in the repy really pushed my buttons.
I don’t appreciate my harmless kinks lumping me in with pedophiles, thank you very much, and I think most people who participate in BDSM or roleplay or whatever with consenting adults would also find that offensive.
Just what is supposedly considered ‘normal sex’? Is it dependent on cultural values? If you took procreation as the ‘standard’, nearly everybody is deviant. If you say that the purpose of sex is to pair bond, have fun or relieve stress, what difference does it make if you want to do it in a rubber cat suit?
Anything where there is an element of non-consensuality is deviant, and anything that causes long term or permanent physical or mental harm to anyone involved.
I think this joke (from Drew Carey) says a lot on this subject:
Ok, so what was the point of this (other than to retell that joke)? Some folks don’t see the difference between him and her.
I suppose in the “strictest” definition of deviant (i.e. away from the norm), the linked definition may be correct. While I don’t doubt that BDSM &/| role-playing, etc, are becomming more “main-stream,” I imagine that “plain-ole vanilla sex” is still considered the norm. And, to be sure, some people refuse to see the norm as only one of a panopoly of choices.
IOW, I don’t agree with lumping safe activities between consenting adults in with zoophily and pedarest, but it does not surprise me that someone does.
I don’t really have a definition of sexual deviancy. I don’t really care if an act is deviant or not. All I care about is whether it’s ethical or not, and that for me begins and ends with consent.
A sexual deviation is whatever whoever is in the position to define sexual normalcy/deviancy decides to define as a sexual deviation. Which means that your mileage is going to vary, depending on how tight the straitjacket of normalcy is usually fitted in your particular socio-historical neighbourhood.
Personally, I’m not really into wearing straitjackets, normalcy-related ones or any other kinds, in the bedroom… but, hey if it works for you, go ahead.
Seconded. I’d say my tastes are pretty plain-vanilla, but then again I go pretty equally for guys and girls: some people would say that I’m horribly ‘deviant’. As long as two mature people have consented to do X, why does it matter?
So a dead 5-year-old poodle is definitely off limits?
The problem is that “deviant” here has a moral overtone. So, I might (hypothetically, of course) have a thing for bald 80-year-old women dressed as storm troopers, which would be statistically very rare, and most would find very odd, but they would probably not find it morally wrong.
On the other hand, it would be very common for 20-year-old men to be attracted to 16-year-old girls, but if the age of consent in their jurisdiction is 18, consummating the attraction would be illegal, and hence (at least in some sense) morally wrong.
If it is statistically, why not include homosexuality? That’s still a minority of the population, isn’t it? And according to several sources I’ve read, a majority of women have rape fantasies. Even tame romance books seem to indicate this is at least somewhat true.
but that definition would make your partner a sexual deviant if you are heterosexual, or the opposite sex sexual deviants if you are homosexual. Since they do things you would not wish to do yourself (unless you are fully bisexual that is).
Are 80year old couples sexually deviant because you personally would not like to have sex with an 80 year old?
I think the ‘common’ definition people use is “Anything that makes me feel queezy thinking about it is sexual deviation” or “If it squicks me out it’s deviant”.
Though a somewhat usable definition, it soon breaks down in usability when you learn of a greater range of possible sexual activities.
Well usually both partners are doing something the other partner would rather not do. In fact only homosexuals are Christian about sex, since they do unto others as they would have done unto themselves. (OK ignoring people who are strictly tops or strictly bottoms)
Though I wouldn’t call it deviant, just about the weirdest thing I can imagine sexually is a couple that only ever try missionary style and never experiment with anythig else. Now that would squick me out.
I can’t completely define deviation, but I can tell the high water mark in my life is getting lower and lower (higher and higher?) all the time.
I’ll agree with consent with the provisio - The affected party must be capabile of informed consent. A 14 year old having sex with a 30 year old doesn’t count, even if the 14 year old says ‘yes’.
Nuthin’ wrong with machinery. Nuthin particularly wrong with all the various tab A -> Slot B permutations.
Some folks don’t see the difference between him and her.
(OK ignoring people who are strictly tops or strictly bottoms)