Awww… you can be my Message Board Wife, how 'bout that? 
American Girl (who publishes “The Care and Keeping of You”) actually have a pretty extensive list of good quality books for that age group of girls.
Is it ok to track on a question here? Well, two questions since that was one…
My girl is 11-1/2 and just starting to develop. After trying some books from the library, I bought the Care and Keeping series, as well as another book that escapes me at the moment. She will. Not. Read. Them. Will bury her head if I try to even talk about these issues, and even has trouble articulating why it’s so difficult.
What now? I can’t force it on her. But some of her friends have been wearing bras for a year and I wouldn’t be surprised if they were having periods. We had a little extra time because she has a constitutional growth delay and therefore she will be a couple of years behind, but it’s starting.
I do spend time 1:1 with her in the hopes that we can ease into it, but otherwise I am stuck.
I’d say leave her alone. If and when she needs more information, she knows you’re not squeamish about sharing.
I’d also just leave the books in a place where she can read them without it being obvious that you know she is reading them.
Some people are just private, and discussing this stuff is experienced as physical pain, without having any way to put words to why it feels that way.
To be fair to Slippery Sid - and I’m not defending anything else he says - WhyNot mentioned talking to her son about porn popups in one of her posts.
Absolutely agree with Septima. Leave the books somewhere private that she will see them. We tend to be bathroom readers in our house, so I left them in the bathroom. Since she’s not actually shy about it, they’re sprawled all over the house now, but I let her find them in private and make the choice about bringing them out or reading them in private - or even not reading them at all, but I suspected she’d be curious enough to read them.
No matter what we do as Moms, they receive a lot of body shaming messages out in the world. And especially if she’s behind her peers developmentally, she may be having a whole lot of Big Things going on inside that she doesn’t have the skills or vocabulary to express.
And, y’know, kids of all ages and stages can be stubborn, and when they sense that something is important to you, they dig their heels in to remain in control. So don’t engage in that power struggle. Let it go, and let it be her idea to read the books. Everyone is more motivated to learn or do something when they think it’s their idea.
I did. This much have been 10 years or so ago, before there were good ad blockers and when porn sites had lots of malware on them. Stumbling to my computer in the morning with a cup of undrunk coffee and seeing HUGE COCKS AND PU$$Y with graphic pictures, 11 layers deep in pop-ups…yeah, that needed a conversation about computer safety, even more than the sexual content! Trust me, neither of us were happy about that one. 
Thanks for the reassurance and wisdom, both of you. The books are in her room because putting them in the bathroom would mortifying her. I’m cool with letting things unfold. I was doubting myself mostly because of a friend who issued a dire warning of, what if she starts her period and doesn’t know what’s going on and omg omg…
The first time it happened with our son we had a long conversation not about porn, but about “safe sex on the computer.” Porn for a teenage boy is a normal part of exploration (though we’ve talked about the objectification of women, and violent porn, etc.), but I don’t need my computer to be virus ridden.
There’s an old joke:
“Mommy, where did I come?” Mother excited, had been prepping for years to handle that one, launched into the long no holds barred explanation of reproduction, safe sex, gay sex, so on … half an hour into it “Mommy, that’s all nice and all but I still want to know. Sally is from Detroit and Joey is from New Jersey and I want to know where I came from!”
The point is you answer the question that is being asked.
Yes another vote for the book being where it can be found and accessed as the child is ready and not forcing readiness upon the child.
Sexist as we are in my house I did the conversations with the boys and my wife mostly with our daughter. The difference between two of the boys was cute. One’s reaction was to literally cover his head with a pillow saying he did not want to hear it. Gave him space and left the book around. He got it in school anyway and eventually we got into conversations more obliquely. The other was “Wet Dreams? Oh I’ve had those!” and all over the pictures. The mood was not helped when we got to the chapter about masturbation and then heard a rhythmic thumping coming from the shower next door where older (former pillow head coverer) brother was.
Those both are about the conversations at about 11 with It’s Perfectly Normal. Agreed that that book may be answering questions not being asked yet by a prepubertal nine year old. My daughter, just asked, now turning 13, says the American Girl Doll book is what she’d endorse as having covered what she wanted to know then.
Pillow coverer also inadvertently left the porn sites open (and some odder ones, that got me a bit quietly concerned honestly) and called some 1 900 numbers before he was done.
Which can sometimes be difficult to figure out!
With both of my kids, I’ve taken a “answer the question,” approach. Problem with my first was…he wouldn’t ask the question! I was all prepared through preschool and kindergarten and nothing. Total radio silence. Finally somewhere in early first grade, I came home from work to find him watching some nature special. Sea turtles were on screen, doing what sea turtles do. And he’s staring at the screen, jaw dropped, and says, “Mama? What does “mate” mean?”
I was ecstatic. FINALLY, my boy was showing a natural curiousity about the reproductive cycle. I drew a deep breath, ready to impart the wisdom of the ages as passed down from one generation to the next, and before I could say a word…
“…I mean, like, ‘g’day, mate!’” he chirped. “What’s ‘g’day mate,’ Mama?”
:smack:
It was an Australian nature special.
HA! That’s like the time I answered my then-5-year-old son’s few questions about religion and why his friends go to church and we don’t, and mentally geared myself up as he began another question with a heavy sigh and, “But what I really need to know…”
What, son? God? The notion of heaven? Salvation?
“Are you allergic to cats?”
For what it’s worth, I like Periodand My Body, Myself (not to be confused with Our Bodies, Ourselves.) Both talk in depth about physical changes, clues as to when the first period can be expected, and emotional and social changes. Also, they’re sensitive about worries that this means “you’re a woman!” and all that, when girls this age don’t really want that. It’s very reassuring that though your body is becoming more like a grown-up woman’s, you are still a kid.
You say it’s too early for TCOYF, but just a couple days ago, my 10yo pulled me aside to ask me for help with issues that I was glad I could explain as the cycle of cervical mucus. Honestly, all the prep materials gear us ladies up for the blood flow of menstruation, but they tend to skimp on details that need terms like sticky, creamy, and egg-white! (Not to mention weird brownish spotting, clots, and all those weird variations.)
I remember liking the author Carol Weston who has written both advice books for girls plus fiction novels geared toward pre-teen girls. I’ve never read her novels, but her advice books were very good and dealt not only with the physical aspects of puberty, but the emotional aspects.
Here is her website: http://www.carolweston.com/
Slippery Sid**** has already been shown that he’s wrong, but I just want to put it out there that I was 10 when I got my period so I think around 9 or 10 is absolutely the right age to start discussing puberty. Some girls begin developing early and I think a lot of it is genetic aside from having to do with nutrition assuming that it’s not so early that a hormonal disorder is the issue. Being educated about puberty will help a girl understand that she’s not freak, what is happening to her body is normal, and if her friends haven’t caught up yet they will shortly.