I do not eat ramen. Every time I’ve opened a package of ramen, I have found dead bugs in the package. Identifiable bugs, not little bits that could either be dust or bug parts. We’re talking whole, pristine, real dead bugs. I’ve even found them in the Campbell’s ramen, which is the creme de la creme of ramen, if there is such a thing.
I do laundry sometimes. I feel guilt because I don’t do it more often. I kind of like it. It’s not a tough chore. Anyway, when I do get around to doing it, here’s what I do:
1)Search entire house for dirty socks & underwear that husband has dropped. They’re everywhere. It’s like an Easter egg hunt.
2)Gather everything that needs washing into one really huge pile.
- Sort into 3 piles–must be washed, can wait a while, and why-is-this-here-it’s-still-clean.
4)Search all three piles for paper, money, and children’s toys.
5)Wipe look of astonishment off husband’s face (with the nearest small appliance) when he catches me trying to accomplish a real domestic task.
6)Sort must-be-washed into whites, reds, colors, and jeans/darks, except for underwear, because I really don’t give a hoot if my underwear acidentally turns pink.
- Teach my daughter how to spell l-a-u-n-d-r-y, and tell her that it’s okay to wear clean clothes sometimes.
8)Accept husband’s offer to carry first pile of laundry downstairs and throw them in the washer, because he was going down there to copy some tapes anyway.
9)Make sure new baby isn’t mixed in with laundry–he’s pretty small & could easily be mistaken for a pile of blankets.
10)Spend rest of afternoon keeping kid from mixing whites & reds, and making sure she doesn’t accidentally drop crayons into laundry piles.
- Have husband put laundry into dryer, since he’s still down there looking up gear articles in his back issues of Guitar Player.
12)Have husband bring up dry laundry, because his bass player is on the phone & he’s got to come upstairs anyway.
- Have husband take another load downstairs, since the tapes he was copying are done, and he’s got to go downstairs to get them anyway.
14)Expierence a very brief moment of gratitude that husband does not need to be told how to actually run washing machine.
15)Get over gratitude, begin gloating that he’s done the hard part of 2 loads of laundry.