When did dance cards go out of style?

[Mangosteen]

@Waltzes_with_Cacti

The dances were listed numerically by type of dance, but no specific song was cited. Next to the listing was a blank line where a name would be written. Like this:

1. Opening Cotillion _______________________________

2. Foxtrot _______________________________________

3. Varsovienne ___________________________________

and so forth.

Usually, the bandleader would advise the hostess of the recommended sequence of dances so that she could get the dance cards printed. The actual songs to be played would be determined by the hostess in consultation with the band leader but the song titles were not listed on the card. If it was a New Year’s Eve dance, “Auld Lang Syne” would be listed, but that’s not a dance.

At particularly old-fashioned dances (you never, ever said “ball”) there would be a Master of Ceremonies who would announce before each song started, “Ladies and gentlemen, kindly take your partner for the foxtrot.” At most dances, however, the bandleader announced this.

Each single man and each single woman had a dance card. The women’s cards had a small pencil, but the men’s cards usually didn’t. Provided they had already been introduced, the gentleman would approach the lady and ask her if she had any space on her dance card. The lady would look at her card, see that she had dance #8, a tango, free and she would offer that to the gentleman. She would then write his name in her card, and he would write hers on his.

The rule was that a lady could not turn down a gentlemen who asked for a dance providing they had been introduced. If she turned down one, she was duty-bound to refuse all other partners on the grounds that she wasn’t dancing that evening. Sometimes the choice for a girl was to either dance one dance with someone she disliked or be a wallflower all evening.

It would be permitted, however, for the young lady to say, “Do you know, George, the only spot I’ve got open is the Lindy and I’m afraid I’m not very good at it. I’d be happy to sit that one out with you.” Then George’s name would still go on her card, and her name on his, and they’d sit out on little gold chairs watching others do the Lindy.

There was a rule that a lady mustn’t dance more than two dances with the same man, but that was pretty well ignored.

Dance cards were for unmarried guests. A married lady didn’t use them; her invitations to dance were usually more spontaneous, with a man to whom she had been introduced walking up and asking for the next dance just as the music began. If the woman was sitting with her husband, it was usual for the man who wanted to dance to say something like, “Robert, do you mind if I borrow your lovely wife for a dance?” Though a woman’s brother or uncle wouldn’t seek the husband’s approval.

I have a few cards from the late '60’s to circa 1978, the year I married. If I can figure out a way to blur out the names on them, I’ll post them.

Why does “Robert” want to dance with “your lovely wife”? Maybe I’m a little out of step here, but where is “Robert’s” wife? And why isn’t he dancing with her? I realize he probably wouldn’t ask for a “slow dance” with the “lovely wife”, but as far back as HS, I’ve always looked at dancing as a form of foreplay even when there is no touching. Were thing different then?

[Shagnasty]

@Mangosteen

Why does “Robert” want to dance with “your lovely wife”? Maybe I’m a little out of step here, but where is “Robert’s” wife? And why isn’t he dancing with her? I realize he probably wouldn’t ask for a “slow dance” with the “lovely wife”, but as far back as HS, I’ve always looked at dancing as a form of foreplay even when there is no touching. Were thing different then?

It sounds a little strange today and it was a kind of (innocent) foreplay but it didn’t die out completely even when I was in high school in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s. We didn’t have dance cards but the boys did have to ask the girls in advance for each and every dance. I grew up in a rural area with lots of country music and slow dancing so casual touching was allowed and accepted even for people otherwise in relationships. You could ask anyone to dance with you - single, married, coupled or whatever and they would usually accept. Most of us weren’t very good at dancing so a “dance” would usually just entail wrapping your arms around one another and moving around as best as you could until the song was over. I think the older versions were more elaborate and skilled than that but there was plenty of touching as well.

Think of it like a swingers party for really conservative people.

[UDS]

@Mangosteen

Were thing different then?

They certainly were. Dancing was a social activity. It was considered rude for a couple to attend a dance together, and then dance exclusively with one another all evening. It would be like going to a dinner party or a cocktail party and speaking only to you own spouse.

Dancing wasn’t “a form of foreplay”; you were expected to dance with lots of people that you had no intention of sleeping with and that, indeed, it would have been seriously transgressive to sleep with. A dance could be an occasion for flirting or even foreplay, depending on the wishes of the dancers and how far their relationship had already progressed, but this wasn’t intrinsic to every dance.

One of the consequences of living in a highly sexualised culture is that we invest sexual significance, or more sexual significance, in things that in other cultures are less charged.

[Waltzes_with_Cacti]

UDS, you’re right! Even at a wedding, the bride doesn’t cleave to her new hubby’s side; she is expected to dance not only with him but also with her father, father-in-law, her brothers and often her godfather and maybe an uncle or two. (Though she definitely won’t dance with an ex-boyfriend, assuming he’s been invited.)

UDS, do you ever run into the situation when, at a dinner party you’re giving, a husband and wife will express discomfiture at not being seated together? I have, and it makes me despair.

[Atamasama]

@Waltzes_with_Cacti

UDS, do you ever run into the situation when, at a dinner party you’re giving, a husband and wife will express discomfiture at not being seated together? I have, and it makes me despair.

Who cares, everyone just stares at their smartphones all evening.

[Waltzes_with_Cacti]

@Atamasama

Who cares, everyone just stares at their smartphones all evening.

Not at my house. They are invited for their conversation and converse they do. The one person who tried to look at his phone at the table is still smarting from my basilisk stare.