Has been for three generations in my family going back to the 1940s. And for most people I know whose parents weren’t very poor. My parents were lower middle class, and saw it as their obligation to put six kids through college. Though all of us worked some and paid part of the cost, plus got some financial aid (no loans).
There are people who send their kids off to get a job and find their own housing and food at age 18 now, and there were probably more 50 years ago. Some of those kids struggled through college anyway. But that has hardly been the rule. Always the exception.
Yeah, I strongly suspect (can’t back it up, but it seems logical) that parents whose own parents paid for their college are most likely to feel an obligation to pay for their kids to go to college.
My parents strongly valued education. My father paid for his own college and my mother’s parents paid for hers. They made it clear that after college graduation we were to move out and were on our own. My sister got a job and I moved in with a friend and went to grad school.
Sure, legally, parents can cut their children loose when they turn eighteen (perhaps even if the kid is still in high school), but most kids I know weren’t in a position to go off on their own at that age. They didn’t have the maturity, life skills or financial ability to live on their own. To a certain extent, a residential college experience is a stepping stone to independence.
I remember when my best friend and I were registering for state university in 1997, he filled out his FAFSA form which included info about his parents’ income. I don’t know the exact details but he was super mad because his dad’s income “screwed up” his FAFSA but his dad refused to pay any of his tuition.
My parents paid for my college, and my brother’s. I don’t even know what it cost. I did get a lot of scholarships. When I had to get braces to fix my TMJD during my freshman year, dad said he’d pay for the braces since he didn’t have to pay much for college.
I got my undergrad in the early 90’s and my parents never gave me a dime. But here’s the kicker, the Dept of Educations presumes (at least at that time) that if you are
Under 25
Unmarried
Not a veteran
That your parents will support you so their income is part of your FAFSA and your need is affected accordingly. So I put myself through school with almost no financial aid.
This is interesting. I can see where the culture of the family plays into the question.
My mother was the child of immigrants (she was born in 1924, oldest girl of 10) and she only went through the eighth grade. Yes, they were poor-- grandpa worked in a factory, grandma cleaned houses. But Mama hated school even though she was very bright. Today if she were a child in school, she would be noticed, and there would be lots of support for her. Back then among a boatload of other siblings in an ethnic enclave taught by (according to her) mean nuns, she faded into the background. Somehow my grandfather managed to put the kids through Catholic school (he did work for the parish, including digging graves), but I’m sure college would have been out of the question. Although all of my mother’s sibs likely went to college on their own. (Only one is still living.)
Father also from a poor family. Born 1925. High school grad. After he joined the military, it became apparent that he was also very bright, and he was given the opportunity to become an officer. But he and my mother were already married by then, and she nixed the idea because she didn’t want to be an officer’s wife with the expected socializing and entertaining in the 1950s-1960s. About 10 years ago she confessed to me over the phone that she always felt guilty about that. As it was my father did get lots of training and technical schools and retired as a Chief Master Sergeant before he was medically discharged.
All that is to say, it was in school that it became apparent to me that college was definitely in my future. My parents didn’t seem all that aware of my level of smarts and potential, even after, as a National Merit Finalist, I got letters from colleges all over the country inviting me to apply. That seemed to go over their heads. They didn’t see it as remarkable or worthy of note.
I’m learning a lot from this thread. Thanks, y’all.
My folks didn’t pay for our college. I think my mom co-signed a brothers loan at her bank. But he paid it himself. I delayed school until I was late 20’s then payed my own way going part time. I wasn’t even aware of the fafsa and did not take out loans.
it’s so much more complicated paying for school these days. It’s hella expensive even community college. I did not want my kids navigating the treacherous school loan options alone. Without me co-signing their private loans, the terms would have been exorbitant.
I’m not sure where the whole system went awry but it’s a racket imo.
Also checked into 529 plans, but at the time 2008 or so, investments were losing ground and it did not lock you in for a guaranteed tuition rate. I think we just plowed whatever we could into a savings account of some type and hoped for the best.
Honestly I’m a little worried what their monthly payment will be when the fed pause ends. I hope they can afford it now they’re living out on their own.
While Dewey_Finn put it rather inartfully, Rutgers is not in the same class reputation-wise as Rutgers and that’s what “prestigious” means.
Cal Berkeley has an acceptance rate of 14%. Rutgers of 61%, which is higher than Cal State Fullerton.
I think Rutgers would be ranked lower than most if not all the schools in the U Cal system (not Cal STATE system). That’s true for many States’ flagship public universities, including ours, UMass.
I guess it should be said that, although a handful of universities add a good bit of cachet to your resume at the beginning of your career, they generally do not offer a significantly better education than those in the tier just below them. They may offer more prestigious network of connections, which is valuable. Particularly for men.
The barely-affordable route these days is to get your intros and basics at your community college and just do your last two undergraduate years at a university.
Because I was raised with that expectation and never gave it much thought. Yes, I could have cut them off at 18 and wished them well, but that isn’t how I was raised. Why do I wear pants?
And it paid off in terms of my current relationship with my kids, although that is not why I did it.
My sister started college in 1966. Our parents paid for it. She met her soon to be husband at college whose father didn’t give him a dime. I started college in 1975 and my parents paid for it. It all depends on your family. It was expected in our family that you went to college.
I didn’t mean to sound like I was challenging your position. I apologize if I came across that way. If you read my post (bio) a few posts above yours, you’ll see why it was not a “given” in my life.
I don’t actually think my job is to make my son self-sufficient. I think it’s to set him up to be as safe and secure as possible, as well as to be happy, which, to me, means in the long term I want him to be in a position to shape his life into something he finds meaningful.
And it’s not so much my job to do this as it is what I want to do. Isn’t that a major component of love? Valuing someone’s happiness as much or more than your own?
Anyway, it seems to me that a college education is the moat likely path to security and flexibility in his own life, later. So I’d like to give him that if I can. I am willing to make substantial sacrifices to my own happiness and security to give him that.
But I don’t think of it as an obligation. I mean, i also would like to travel the world with him, because I think travel when young also will make his life happier and more meaningful. So we travel when we can. But we can not afford to do half as much as I’d like, and I don’t feel guilty about that.
Everything from piano lessons to six flags season passes to summer camp to a decent computer to the money I spend on books is part of the exact same reasoning. No one thinks its strange that parents would want to provide things like that. Why would I stop wanting to help him grow into his best self just because he’s 18? I will love him the same.
Hell, my mom is currently paying for my son’s swim lessons because she believes being a better swimmer will help him be happy in life. She doesn’t feel obligated. She just loves him and wants to help him grow.
I think American culture is weirdly afraid sometimes to just say we love our kids and want to give them every shot at happiness. We always fall back on this idea of “obligation” to hide pur feelings.