I live “Where the Sun Spends the Winter!” what the chamber of commerce doesn’t mention, is that lazy bastard stays here in summer, too. He lurks in the background, returning in somewhat weakened form, at any time. Generally, it goes like this:
October: for Halloween, temps are finally around a hundred, maybe ninety, and it feels so cool!
November: by the end, the daily high is somewhere in the mid to low eighties. These three days are what makes living here worth it!
December: temps rollercoaster from the mid sixties to high seventies with week-long spikes up to the mid eighties. Kids complain it’s almost too cold to wear flip-flops to school. It might sprinkle hard for a couple of days, a couple of times.
January: Temps in the sixties and mid- seventies with spikes up to eighty once or twice. Hard sprinkles, with two or three short bursts of actual rain until mid month. It only rains enough to set the dust on your car and will not rain until the next time you wash it. Or there’s a downpour the day you dare wear your suede shoes because the sky was clear and the weather channel showed you no storm systems within three states. Lying sadists.
February: Not much rain at all, very breezy at times, so you’re never comfortable no matter what you wear. High seventies by the end.
March: Here comes summer, high eighties up to mid nineties
April: Summer is here, you’re just in denial. Nineties with spikes to 100
May: Damned straight it’s summer. I will never have an outdoor birthday party, ever. 100 to 110
June: 105 to 115, though despair hasn’t set in. You don’t really remember what a cloud looks like, much less what they do.
July: 110-120 you vaguely remember what it was like to leave your home. The air hasn’t moved in weeks. Your shade-screened cactus has to be watered daily and it still gets burned in spots.
August: Yay! Monsoon season! 115 to 125 and more than enough rain for the humidity to keep your personal mold coating healthy and prevent you from ever taking a full breath.
September: Starts like august, but now you have to go out in the muck for school. Then it settles into 115, but dryer so that your house’s windows don’t fog and condensation no longer forms on the walls. It’s a chilly 110 by the end of the month.