Just bear in mind that if someone isn’t on Facebook or Myspace or LinkedIn or School Alumni websites or whatever then I’d say that’s a pretty clear indication they don’t want to be contacted and it would be considerate to respect that.
Or, to put it another way: IMHO, calling the town hall and getting the phone number of someone’s mum to get in touch with someone who isn’t showing up on internet searches is something best (IMHO) reserved for extremely unusual and important situations like “Remember Tug Wilkins? The one with the hair from school? Yeah, he made a fortune in computer tech, but died recently. They just read the will and he’s left you a hundred thousand dollars because you helped him with his Sixth Form Geography homework that time.” Anything less than that, you should really, really have a long, hard think about why you’re contacting them if they’re generally “not to be found” and aren’t in touch with any of your other contacts.
Martini, I get what you are saying. I do.
But I also know that the majority of my friends/family are not as computer savvy as you or I - I mean - we are talking about Vermont where there are more cows than people. A lot of my friends just got on Facebook in the last year or so - and that’s because we were about to have our 20th class reunion.
I also realize that part of the reason why I might not be finding my friend is because I don’t know her married name and she might not have her maiden name posted on FB.
I have decided, however, that I’m just going to send a letter to her mom with the pictures enclosed. I have met her mom on a few occasions back in high school and feel comfortable with that. That way it’s not me stalking her, it’s me just trying to pass on some pics I found, and I can leave it at that.
Okay, now, it’s been TWO DAYS since I sent his sister (or at least, I’m pretty sure it’s his sister - her married name is different but it looks like her) a note on FB - no response. Does she not check Facebook? I can’t view her “wall” so I can’t tell the last time she signed on. Is it not his sister? Is she ignoring me?
My only other alternative would be to send a card to my crush’s house (his phone number does not appear when I google him, but his address does). But that just seems…pushy. Do I just drop it now? Is sending a card crossing the line to “stalkerish”?
Yes and yes. I would think it seriously weird if someone I dated in high school contacted my sister looking for me AND started sending me cards.
Agreed. Two days isn’t that long. Some of my good friends who are on facebook often sometimes take longer to reply to messages, depending on how busy they are and how slow facebook is being.
Also, maybe she wanted to ask her brother first if he remembered you and wanted to get in touch first before she replied. If someone sent me a message on facebook saying they were friends with my brother in high school and asking how he was doing, I wouldn’t think it was weird or creepy, but I would call up my brother first and ask if I should give out his email address or what I should say to the old friend.
But if I got a card after I’d received a facebook message, it would start getting into the weird territory. Just chill out for a few more days; she still might write back. And if she doesn’t write back, just accept that whatever happened to him will just be a mystery.