If a FedEx or UPS guy would be preferable (and I’m not sure if he would - it’s more about the transaction, and about the fact that he knows where I live, my phone number, etc.) it would be because FedEx and UPS are big companies who take responsibility for their drivers - there’s more of a professional expectation than there is of college student delivery drivers. In other words, if I got freaked out by the UPS guy, I’d call UPS and have some expectation that they’d do something about it.
I would absolutely consider dating my UPS guy that comes to work. He’s cute and I kind of have a crush on him anyway. But his company is affiliated with my company, and that’s a little different. It would still be awkward. I don’t like the idea of workplace romance, even like that, but at least I only see him once a day. I would not date the UPS guy that came to my home.
Knowing where I live is just too uncomfortable. Knowing I live alone or whatever is worse. And then there’s the awkwardness when I say no. Every women has seen men that don’t take “no” for an answer and think that romantic comedies are real and all they have to do is ask and ask and ask for a yes.
Not that I’m saying the OP is like that. But all of that comes together in my head when I think of my delivery guy asking me on a date. And I shudder.
Maybe he’s missing the sexy boom-chica-wow-wow music in the background.
And apparently, the very worst thing you can possibly do is ask…
Due respect to your squickage, but I fear a strict adherence to your philosophy would ensure a quick death for the human race.
My opinion is that he should not ask her out while she is at her home. He should be a nice, friendly, respectable guy while he is at her home, and do nothing more than his job, while still making sure that she knows he has things going for him, i.e. education, a sense of humor, etc.
Speaking as a formerly single woman who lived alone, I agree with **Anaamika **and especially kathmandu. No matter how much I might otherwise like you, it makes me uncomfortable to have you come to my house and ask me out like that. If I say no, I worry for my safety because I don’t really know you. Plus it is unethical for you to be making dates on your employer’s time. Make sure I know you’re a nice guy and then find a way to run into me on your own time, somewhere else. Without stalking me.
Like Dogzilla, I am easily squicked.
Oh, no, I didn’t mean to imply that it would be inappropriate to ask, “Hey, are you single?”
In fact, that’s exactly how the food court guy started the conversation. Of course, when I said, “Yes, I’m single,” he immediately followed up with a very suspicious, “Why?!?!”
So that’s the other side of that coin. Single women are automatically suspect, because that means that no other men are interested either, therefore, she must be unacceptable dating material.
Zactly.
I certainly don’t know what the RIGHT course of action is, but if he does absolutely nothing, nothing is almost certainly what is going to happen.
And this is why women act like bitches. Because a lot of guys think that whenever a woman is being nice or polite, she is expressing sexual interest.
Let’s look at this objectively, shall we? Knowing nothing else other than what has been mentioned, the OP is a 38 year year old delivery boy and the woman is an attractive 30-something with kids and a house in an affluent suburb. As far as she is concerned, you are The Help. Some untouchable. Of course she is nice to you. That’s because she isn’t a total bitch. But that doesn’t mean she wants to go outside of the formal structure of your relationship.
For her to have any interest in you, you would need to bump into her in some neutral location like a Barnes & Noble. A good opening line would be something like “You look familiar. Are you taking classes at [INSERT YOUR GRAD SCHOOL HERE].” Esentially establishing yourself as a grad student (preferable at business, law or medical school and not something totally stupid).
An unconventional ploy I just thought of just now is this. The next time you have to bring her a delivery, show up in a nice suit (or maybe even a tux…you may have to keep them in your car because you won’t know when her next delivery will be and you don’t want to look like a weirdo). Of course this will seem odd but just play it casual. If she makes a comment then you be like "oh this? I have a grad school dinner after I get off my shift and I don’t have time to change beforehand. If she is interested she will ask you about school and you will engage in a conversation for a few minutes. Cut it short saying you need to get back to work, but ask her if she would be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee in a few days. Can’t hurt.
That assumes that all meetings are squicky. But fortunately for the human race, we are not limited to pickups by the pizza guy, the teller at the bank, or the cashier at Wegman’s to ensure propagation of the species. We meet people in non-squick situations - at parties, in bars, introduced by friends or internet dating sites. We date our friend’s brother and the guy that works with our cousin that we met at her wedding.
Frankly, if you don’t know me well enough to know if I’m attached - you don’t know me well enough to go out with me. Take a few minutes to get to know me - what are my interests? What do I enjoy? Dislike? Most women are going to drop information regarding their boyfriend, husband, partner, children, decision to take vows, demanding career that leaves no room for you, fact that they live in another state, or clues that they are a bitch on wheels that you would be wise to run from if you bother to talk to them.
Would you or **Dangerosa **date a neighbor? He’s know all this and presumably more.
…
And, couldn’t emotions override all these “nope - never” reactions? If the pizza-delivery/UPS guy were your “dream man” and you had it bad for him on virtually first sight … that doesn’t change the game at all? Perhaps you’d initiate as much conversation as you could to get the “lay of the land” (no pun) so that you’re not really making an instant snap decision on the guy, but still. All these “never, never, never!” responses don’t ring absolutely true (even if generally true).
:dubious:
Suggest a realistic, plausible method. Must it be a blind accidental meeting away from home?
I would not. I try not even to get to know my neighbors much. But I’m odd like that. I come from a culture where you know everything about your neighbor and I hate it.
…
I have never had it that bad for someone on sight. I don’t believe in love at first sight. If I had it that bad in terms of lust that’s what fantasies and masturbation are for, to be honest.
OK…I am going to be an ass here…
A 38 year old guy delivering Pizza…she is NOT going to be interested. All these women on here saying ‘Sure I would etc’ are NOT the norm…assuming they are not being less than truthful.
You could say that you were temping for a friend with cancer and that you are in law school etc etc etc etc and it would not matter. An above average looking woman in her 30’s living in a house is NOT going to go out with the pizza man.
I have sisters. I have female friends. I have women coworkers that we go out to happy hour frequently. Status of potential boyfriends is important to them. They are in their 30s-40s and ‘potential’ is no longer a draw to them like it was when they were in their 20’s. They want ‘actual’…so dropping ‘grad school’ in the conversation will not work like it would have when you were 28, not 38.
This is not saying you will be celibate…just that you cannot let them know you are a pizza delivery driver before they get to know you.
I feel the flames coming, but this BS of women saying ‘money/status doesn’t matter’ is exactly that.
I’d date a neighbor if we had been friends, if there was mutual chemistry, and if there was a fairly high probability of a successful relationship (or at least a low drama breakup at the end).
I wouldn’t date a neighbor who had a nice ass that I regularly said hello to when getting the mail.
That sweet, sweet ass tells me all I need to know, beautiful. Now can I get your digits, or can we skip the intro and just go outside to my van?
It didn’t…happily and monogamously married.
Although that does bring up a point - if you are looking to get laid, skip the getting to know you and just ask pretty women if they want to fuck (or not pretty women). Yeah, most of them will turn you down, most of them will be offended, but if that is all you are after - at least have the courtesy to be blunt. There is something far less threatening about a guy who propositions you and then drops it after your “um, no” - although I wouldn’t think the UPS guy would have a job long if he asked his delivery clients if they wanted to give him a blow job. At least, not outside the world that comes with boom chicka soundtracks.
Oh, gross. Please don’t do this. I’d call all my friends and tell them “Dude, the pizza guy showed up in a tux! Seriously, with a bow tie and all. And he had this story about how he had to go to something for “grad school”. He made sure to say “grad school” three times!” If you’re worried the rest of your customers would think you’re a “weirdo”…
There’s nothing shameful about working a delivery job. Being “the Help” isn’t because you work a low status job, it’s because you’re working and she isn’t. That means that in that particular time, when you’re working, you are social unequals. You aren’t at any other time.
And yes, it does have to be a “chance” meeting. A single woman is taking a small risk anyway by having some strange man come to the door to deliver something in the first place. Not a big risk, but a little tiny one. There are people (not nice people, but people) who would say, if you got raped by the pizza delivery guy, that you shouldn’t have answered the door without a man around.
My advice to the OP is to start connecting with his grad school community. That will be a better place to meet women without the awkwardness. Even over the summer, you can probably go listen to some speakers on campus, maybe join some clubs, or at least get in the habit of listening to bands at local bars. When fellow grad students hear about your job, they’re more likely to think “free pizza” than “low status.”
I just wanted to share an experience I had in hopes it gives you some insight.
I once went out to dinner with some friends at a chain restaurant. The next day I got a strange call on my home phone voice mail. The waiter took my name from my credit card receipt and looked me up. He left a rambling message about thinking we shared a moment and thought he’d try his luck on the off chance I was single. I called the restaurant the next day and reported him. I’m told he was fired. The entire experience was awkward and uncomfortable.
Now, I know you aren’t looking up personal info to contact her. I get that. But he mistook my politeness for flirtation and acted upon it.
I wouldn’t suggest you try to ask her out. If she is married, or not interested, I doubt she wants to reject someone that knows where she lives.
You aren’t being an ass. That’s how the world works.
It’s not like (most) women are snobs or golddiggers or anything like that. But large disparities in income, wealth, education, or prestige can create friction and awkwardness. They have different perceptions about things that can come into conflict.
It’s like this. My GF and I are well-paid working management professionals (well..if I were working). We think nothing of going out to eat and dropping $200 on a meal w wine. She has a group of friends who are all schoolteachers and other relatively low paid people. They prefer going to the local dive bars for the cheap beer. They often use terms like “expensive” or “snooty” or “fancy” to refer to a lot of the bars and restaurants my GF and I frequent.
It’s easy to see how some friction might exist if we invite them for dinner and drinks at a restaurant that breaks their bank. Or if we have to listen to them make derogatory comments about those places. So we tend to do neutral activities with them.
A woman looking to select a man doesn’t want to deal with that crap. Unless you are super-awesome in the sack with an 18" Johnson or she really likes cheap activities.