Thats kind of her problem isnt it ?
If you women folk generally insist on men be asker outers, then you gotta take the downside that goes with it.
And the lesson I took from that little story was “Socially awkward guys, don’t even try. That is, assuming you like having a livelihood.”
I think the dude has figured out he could get fired. If she gets offended by getting asked out, THAT part is her problem.
Now, somebody, who DOESNT know where you live for good reason (like a Delivery"boy") showing up at your house, or somebody calling your phone number (who doesnt have a good reason for knowing it or calling it), thats a whole nuther issue.
I “love” the whole concept that the guy who shows up at your house for good reason becomes a stalker the moment he actually asks for a date, but if he manages to fake a “chance” meeting elsewhere its all good.
Much more interesting: turn the sexes around. Say it’s a 38-year-old female pizza delivery girl and a similarly-aged widower of her fancy. If there’s mutual attraction & interest, the pizza girl’s chances are excellent.
Not that the female naysayers in this thread can be expected to speak for all the world’s women … but they’ve pretty much said “attraction in this case is impossible”. I know the definition of “attraction” can be different for men and women, but I’m somewhat surprised that some women have so successfully sublimated physical attraction. It’s almost like “So what if he’s smoking hot? I ain’t attracted enough to dig deeper, dammit!” 
…
I want to say Shocker overreacted wildly … but I am of two minds about the “name off the credit receipt” idea.
Sorry, but this would only makes sense if this thread had been posted by a single mother lamenting the fact that she hasn’t had a date in years because she refuses to ask men out and the pizza boy she’s lusting after won’t ask her out because he thinks it’s unprofessional and knows it’s not cool to put her on the spot like that, especially knowing where she lives and her general schedule. But it wasn’t.
And most women have gotten a taste of how some previously-charming suitors react when rejected, it’s not pretty. I’ve been spat at on the street for saying I have a boyfriend – I wouldn’t be thrilled with turning someone down on my doorstep.
No one said attraction in this case is impossible – but attraction is not dating. It’s flirting. And flirting without any expectations is pretty lovely.
No, I don’t think she did - because of the name off the credit card receipt thing. I’ve had similar happen to me (I didn’t call the store to get them fired). I expect a certain amount of privacy in my life - and not that my credit card receipts will be used to get information about me - that’s really an abuse of his position. If it wasn’t, he most likely wouldn’t have gotten fired. People complain about their waitstaff all the time - most of the time the manager says “hey, some crank called to say you didn’t refill his water fast enough.”
Had he taken a second to interrupt her dinner with friends to ask her out - that would have been unprofessional, weird to the extreme - but it wouldn’t have been worth reporting.
Here is the thing about this sort of situation. When you truly “share a moment” with a waiter and think “hey, maybe…” you show up the next night. Or the night after. You show up in such a way that allows chitchat - without friends. You know where to find him - and if he isn’t working while you are there, you’ll keep stopping by.
If she doesn’t show up again after a few nights, you either didn’t share a moment, or you did, but there are reasons she isn’t following through that are her business.
So even nice (heh) guys should never ask (as politely and low pressure as possible ) because some NICE (double heh) guys turned into total dicks (triple heh) once rejected.
Seems much more reasonable to me to get asked, reject as appropriate, put the dickdar on the sensitive setting and see what happens.
Yeah, I guess the few times those females that I interacted with in public doing business with that gave me their numbers or asked me out…well I shoulda got all offended, had their asses fired…because we ALL know how crazy assed a rejected woman can be as well…next thing you know you gotta a bunny boiling on the stove.
… I realize the world doesn’t work this way, but dating in this case shouldn’t be impossible, either. I only say “shouldn’t”, because I recognize reality, and it is what it is, and harumph! And all that.
And again … maybe hugely naive on my part, being male and all … but turn-downs of cordial propositions really shouldn’t be considered quite that inherently risky. I guess it is, though 
Are we really all potential criminals? Again, I guess we are, but damn
Sorry, OP … Harriet’s advice a few posts up seems sound.
Here’s why. Women, being naturally tending to being smaller and weaker than men, tend to be leary of guys who come on too aggressively with unwanted attention. For me, a girl I don’t like chasing me around is a nusaince. For a girl, there is a concern about real danger.
The pizzaboy asking you on a date at 10pm at night when no one around is a bit offputting. She has already opened the door giving access to her home to a perfect stranger under the guise of a routine business transaction. He has changed the nature of their interaction to something unusual and unexpected so who knows what else about him is “off”. For all she knows, this guy might not take “no” for an answer and force his way into her house.
A chance meeting in a neutral location, contrived or not, is non-threatening. Pizzaboy isn’t violating her personal space. There are other people around.
I think **Shocker Khan ** reacted totally appropriately. If her Ruby Tuesday Romeo wanted to ask her out, he should have done so in the restaurant. Digging up her digits like some sort of PI is creepy.
Apparently it IS all about the Washingtons (or lack thereoff) 
If the dude is just a smidge from being an asshole/rapist and you’ve been answering the door and chatting him up politely for months, that horse has already left the barn. If he isnt then he wasnt a threat in the first place
The chance meeting that WASNT as chance meeting but looks like it is ok ? Dont make me laugh. That means the guy has BOTHERED to figure out OTHER stuff about you than where you live (which he had good reason to know, being a delivery boy and all). It means he has gone to the extra time and effort to do so as well. Which means he now knows other stuff, has a way more serious interest in you, and took the time to act on it. That says stalker to me WAY more than “by the way, like to go out sometime?, if not no harm no foul, take care”.
… broadly, you are correct. But on a micro level, msmith makes good points.
You can change the parameters of the situation and get wildly different expectations and results, though. Take the sitch in msmith’s post:
The pizzaboy asking you on a date at 10pm at night when no one around is a bit offputting. She has already opened the door giving access to her home to a perfect stranger under the guise of a routine business transaction. He has changed the nature of their interaction to something unusual and unexpected so who knows what else about him is “off”.
The “at home” and “changing the nature of the transaction” are the important points. Change up a few things, and you can perhaps get a different result:
There’s a great deli next door to your work, and they deliver. The owner of the deli is a friendly, unassuming chap who likes getting out of the shop, and will walk over deliveries two or three times a week. He is a familiar face. After a few weeks worth of chatting up and of making excuses to show up a little more often than usual, the deli owner asks you on a date while you’re at work.
No, but one would hope they’re not too self absorbed to understand how certain situations (e.g. asking out a single mother alone in her house, approaching a woman at night on the street to tell her how hot she is) might be perceived as risky and have a little sympathy.
And truly nice guys should be pissed off as hell at the ones who are ruining it for them.
I don’t think I was very clear in my post. I didn’t ask for the guy who called me to get fired. I just ask that they remind staff not to get personal information from credit card receipts. Nothing wrong with that.
That’s fair.
Question for clarification – say you’d left something of value at the restaurant (not the Hope Diamond … just a nice purse or a wrapped gift or something), and the same waiter used your CC receipt info to track you down. He calls and leaves an apologetic message that your valuable item is at the restaurant. Do you still call the manager to remind staff not to get personal information from CC receipts?
So, the nice guys aren’t allowed to ask, yet the NICE guys will STILL do it..thereby confirming the girly opinion that any guy who asks is a NICE guy rather than a nice guy, because the nice guys dont ask least they be accused of being NICE guys…
talk about your catch 22’s
Yes.
I learned a very valuable lesson that day. I take my privacy very seriously. I will never have a listed phone number again. When I called the restaurant, I explained I would be upset even if he was calling to tell me I left my grandma in the booth. To be honest, I felt partly responsible because he could contact me and I let the restaurant manager know that. I didn’t expect him to get fired. Nor did I expect an apology and numerous phone calls from the corporate office.
If he had asked me out at the restaurant, I would have been flattered. I wasn’t up for dating at the time, but it wouldn’t have bothered me a bit.
So… Brob (I used a fake name for his privacy) that worked at TGIFriday’s in Boling Brook, IL in 2004… I’m sorry you were fired. If I had a credit card receipt of yours I’d look you up and tell you that. If you’re out there, I apologize.
She doesn’t KNOW any of this stuff. All she knows is
a) the pizzaboy just crossed a social boundary and now she is uncomfortible
or
b) she bumped into the pizzaboy at Starbucks
But the fact is in order for him to “accidently” bump into her, he will have to do a creepy amount of research (following her, digging through mail, etc). It’s not like college where you can just head to the local pub Thursday night because there is a high likelihood of her being there. So his ability to legitimatly plan to run into her is severely limited.
And let’s not get into this “nice guy” bullshit again. No woman should have a problem with a total stranger striking up a conversation with her and asking her out. What they have a problem with is:
-Continuing to pursue her as she continues walking without breaking stride
-Profane or rude behavior
-Showing up to her place of residence uninvited
-Being oblivious to the fact she isn’t interested
In this case “nice guy” means “He’s a pleasent enough person, but I just am not interested in dating a 38 year old pizzaboy because I am a 38+ year old woman with children and a house in a nice neighborhood.”
msmith537, you talk sense :). But here:
I think other posters were proposing that if the woman seemed friendly and open to chatting, they could talk about hobbies/favorite local hang outs so he’d have a better idea of where he could bump into her in the outside world.
Consider my ex.
The pizza guy sees a 3,000 sq ft house in an upper middle-class neighborhood with a very nice-looking Toytoa 4-Runner in a driveway shaded by aspens and surrounded by honeysuckle & hedges. Inside is a hardwood foyer, off-white berber carpeting and some designer furniture. She has 3 kids about half the time. And she’s not bad-looking: about 5’1" 120# early forties with good teeth. She has a private college education and is dating a married guy with no education and a part time job (which is why she became my ex).
She’s very lonely. She brings in about $1,100/month from her full time job and would give her left eye to not have to rely on me for the mortgage payment.
Want her number? Please. Call her. Soon.