OK, parents, at what point do you start demanding your children provide for themselves? They can’t keep depending on Mommy and Daddy forever, can they?
The reason I ask, is a recent article from Reuters I found in the “Oddly Enough” section:
(Are there any Italian Dopers that can confirm the facts of this story? I’m from the U.S.–the most litigious country on earth–but even I find it hard to believe a court could stop snickering long enough to hear this case. Is this just an April Fools joke picked up by Reuters? I note that the case was decided “earlier this week” and I find that bit about “respected Neapolitan medic” a little odd.)
Theoretically, 18 and 21 seem to have been the magic ages among people I know…
Although I personally wish that my parents had cut some of the apron strings a little earlier than they did (for example, I was not allowed to have a job in high school, which made me dependent upon them for every penny, and meant that I didn’t develop ANY money management skills until my mid-20s), I am exceedingly grateful that they paid for my undergrad degree, and that I feel like I can ask for help (even at 32) when I need it.
On the other hand, I don’t think I should need to ask them for help at age 32. I’m not talking about asking to borrow my mom’s car if mine is in the shop, I’m talking more about asking for significant financial support. Easy for me to say, since I have a decent job and no kids to support, but I do think there comes a time when a kid should stop expecting to be bailed out by his or her parent.
My older sister, however, seems to feel differently. :rolleyes:
As for the Tale of Italy… I don’t know what to say.
Depends on the parents and the child and the specific support.
I earned a scholarship to college, but my parents siad they would pay my room and board even though I chose an out of state school. They wanted me to be independant but also able to focus on school.
Every year the support has gotten smaller as I have shown myself able to pick up the slack. This term they upped it a bit more when I discovered that I couldn’t work thirty hours a week and do my classes to the best of my ability. Rather than have me working at school or my job from 8 am to 9-10-11-12 every night my mom asked me how much it would cost for me to drop x hours of work each week and spend them on school. So my check is a bit bigger each month and I actually get to do homework and wave to my boyfriend every week.
I don’t think there is a cut off - I think its like any other transition, kids grow up. If the parents are parenting well, the kids get more responsibility as they get more freedom. In a pinch, parents will alwayas be there, but healthy adult children learn how to avoid pinches.
I think it means just what it says: that he resides in one of the areas of the town that is “characteristic of or patronized by fashionable society” (as the Merriam-Webster online dictionary puts it).
My parents made it extremely clear that once we graduated college My brother and I would be on our own financially. While in college they paid for my rent and a small budget for food and incidentals. We shared the cost of college itself. I paid my car insurance. I have never taken money from them since I graduated (excerpt they have on occasion paid for plane tickets to family holidays which they insisted I attend).
We are pretty much not welcome to live at home at this point (me 26, my brother 29) unless there should be some sort of extreme catastrophe in our lives.
We were both pretty independent in High school having our own jobs, etc.
I was 100% self-sufficient the day I turned 18. I moved out of my parents house and into my own apartment on my 18th birthday. (Which by the way was 9 years ago today!!) That was my choice though. I could’ve lived at home and paid “rent” but I still would’ve had to live by their rules so I said, “fuck that” and moved out.
My kids can live at home and be 100% supported by me until they graduate from high school. They’ll need to get a part-time job when their 16-17 years old so they can start learning a little responsibility. I’ll help them out with college and everything but they’re not going to be 30 years old and living at home. That doesn’t seem healthy to me. Especially if they have the education and skills to function on their own.
Sadly enough, I know people who are in their late 30’s who still live at home, have no job and contribute to the household in no way at all. I think it’s pretty sad but that’s just MHO.
I cut the strings myself when I was 19 - I joined the Navy. Granted, I went to Daddy National Bank for help buying my first car…
When our Perfect Child[sup]TM[/sup] goes to college, we’ll help as much as we can, but once she graduates, she’ll be on her own. She will have a car and (I hope) no debt. Lucky for us, we plan to be living in Maryland, and she never wants to leave Florida, so there’s that…
My wife and I both feel that we should (and will) support our kids through their getting their Bachelor degrees, assuming that they’re pursuing those degrees as full-time students. They’ll be roughly 22 years old at that point, with good educations and equivalent job prospects.
Should either of them wish to pursue their educations beyond that point, we’ll be happy to give them moral support, but financial support may be another matter.
Our kids seem to think that this is a fine approach as well.
I was essentially independent at 18, but that’s because my parents were broke so the college I went to provided me with a full suite of scholarships, loans, and work-study jobs. I’m confident that my parents would have been willing to support me through college had they been able to. My wife’s parents supported her through her getting her Bachelor’s degree, at which point she got a job in another city and was on her own.
I’m no expert on Italian culture, but judging by Italian-Americans and the few actual Italians I know, independence is not high on the list of values- certainly not higher than doing things to help your kids. Even so, a court ordering someone to support an adult child seems a bit much- neighbors gossiping I could believe.
Doreen
I’m kinda like Fairychatmom, I’ve been out of the house since I turned 19. I joined the service then, served 4 years, and when I got out I got a regular job. Far, far away from my ma and pa.
My oldest kid is now 15. I tell him he can live in my house after he graduates HS only if he’s he’s going to college. If he wants to screw off, he can get his own damn place.
Wow. Could one of you Dopers adopt me? I was on my own before I finished high school.
Anyway. Me, I’ll support my (currently one month old) daughter as long as she needs it. Certainly I’ll help her through college (and why not–at the rate I’m going, we’ll be classmates). I don’t want her to sponge off me for the rest of her life, though. People in their thirties don’t belong at home, at least not under normal circumstances. For example, if my daughter lost her job, I’d let her move in with me until she could get back on her feet. But it would be hard to tolerate her living with me if she had a good job and/or the opportunity for a good job. Still, I might let her get away with it considering the fact that I don’t want to live in a nursing home some day . . .
My parents have always made it clear to me that they would pay for my university education however far I wanted to take it, and stuff like pocket money would stop as soon as I finished university and got a full time job. However, they’ve also said that when the time came, they would sell our house, buy a small apartment for themselves and give the rest to my sister and me - I don’t know whether that counts as still being attached to the apron strings.
