Got a little situation at work here with a couple of folks that have taken a particular dislike to me. I’m not entirely certain as to exactly why but I suppose it has a lot to do with the fact that I don’t jump through their hoops and am not intimidated by their abrupt, superior know it all attitude. They aren’t stupid people and seem to be good at their jobs (business analyst types). However their m.o. is basically to indimidate the crap out of people they work with by speaking faster and louder until they’ve established superiority. It’s very elementary school yard type of behaviour.
I’m sure most folks aren’t fooled by their bullshit but few will stand up to them. I guess most folks just want to avoid confrontation. Frankly, so do I, but not at all costs. Certainly not in this situation. I’m a senior project manager here and I really can’t afford (not do I want) to show either weakness in this environment. It’s a political game, I realize and I’m learning to play it out of necessity. It’s also a bit of a professional and personal pride thing.
I’d like to hear stories about how folks on here generally handle these types of highly tense and politically charged situations.
I don’t know. I’m usually the one people are intimidated by.
One tactic with regards to people who try to talk over people is to just let them talk themselves out. Just stand there smiling and nodding and looking mildly amused as if being lectured by a small child. When they finish talking, just be like “well you make some good points but I don’t think I want to go that route”.
Also, it’s not really important for them to like you.
Finally, you are a Sr Project Manager. Why are you kowtowing to Business Analyists (which I assume in your organization is a more junior level)?
It’s a fucked up organization. I’m an IT PM, they work for their respective Business Unit directors. HOWEVER, the sr. management here saw fit to name them Project Managers as well. (Told you it was fucked up!) Anyway, they don’t answer to me. However, as an IT person, they are my customers so I have to treat them with a certain amount of respect. But certainly not to the level of ass kissing they expect.
I should mention, that’s how I got into trouble with one of them in the first place. I disagreed with her testing approach. She threw out a mild personal insult and stormed out of the meeting with her manager sitting there just looking at me. We concluded the meeting and went with my suggestion. Project was delivered on time and on budget. The BA and I have not really spoken since.
Given what you said, it seems to me that the best approach is to allign yourself with the BA’s manager since that person is your peer anyhow. Be competant and respectful in your job and let the BA shoot herself in the foot by looking like an immature ass.
Fools seldom differ…
I swear to Og, just before I read your post, I sent off an email to her manager to review some of the enhancements she had asked for recently. My thought was - take the idiot out of my loop entirely. Let them deal with her crap. I’ve got work to do.
As an overall strategy, you generally do not want to get bogged down in petty disputes with individuals (especially underlings). You develop strong professional relationships with people (especially superiors) and a reputation for competance and professionalism.
As for handling specific individuals, I can pull from my toolbox a wide range of responses, ranging from a casual business lunch conversation, a offhanded amusing remark that derails them and takes the wind out of their sails, feigning hurt feelings ("ohhh…I thought that’s how you wanted that report…I must have really screwed this up ) ":wally to a good old fashioned pulling someone into a conference room (or in front of the entire team if need be) and ripping into them. Depends on the situation. 90% of management is politics because you are constantly dealing with lots of people with conflicting goals and objectives.
Anyhow, that will be $320 for one hour of consulting services.
Dude, I’m a consultant as well. Courtesy professional discount? I’ll throw you a lead.
I’ve extended the olive branch yesterday with a short email saying: we got off on the wrong foot and should try and get back on track with things; when’s a good time for you to talk?..
Nothin’ in response and she’s passed my office a dozen times this morning.
Fuck it. I’m not playing games. Next time she opens her mouth out of turn, I’m firing with both barrels.
Thanks for the advice. At least I’m not off the beaten track.
I was glad to see this thread. I’ve had a similar situation at work - ironically problems with the IT guy (I don’t think we work in the same office!) - and I’ve been wondering how to handle it. I’m definitely not agressive enough, and I’ve been letting him run roughshod over me, but that’s stopping now.
It’s just good to see that I’m not the only one who has to deal with this kind of thing at work.
I think this kind of thing is common enough. It doesn’t normally get to me as I’ve been around this industry long enough to let most of it role off my back. But there are these rare situations where the individual in question is so highly objectionable and particularly mean spirited that you’ve almost got to take a step back and evaluate what brought it on and how best to approach it.
Basically, it’s a school yard bully situation in the work place.
Good luck with your IT guy. I suggest threatening him with publishing photos of him in his Star Trek costume. Chances are pretty good, if he’s really geeky, that he’ll have reason to be afraid. Very afraid.
Not aggressive; always assertive. Aggressive is stepping on other people’s toes; assertive is not letting other people step on yours, and it is always allowed. If management does not allow assertive behaviour, it’s time to move on, because the company is too messed up to work at.
My suggestion for you, QuickSilver; figure out where your boundaries are, and don’t let anybody (especially BA) step over them. If she insults you and storms out, she looks like the ass, not you, especially if you don’t play her game. Stand firm; if they aren’t incompetent, and management isn’t incompetent, eventually you should be recognized as the quality employee you are.
I once listened to the audio version of “How to Deal With Difficult People” and these folks sound like “sherman tanks.” What the author advocated was, when they interrupt you, so say, “Excuse me, Ms. X, you interrupted me,” and then continue where you got cut off. He said never get angry or raise your voice; just keep calm and cool and do it every time. He said that will eventually get their respect because you won’t let them push them around, and it won’t raise their ire because you aren’t being disrespectful or aggressive.
If you want to take the advice of Ben Franklin, ask them to do a favor for you. IIRC, he wanted to make friends w/ some guy, so he borrowed a book from the man. Modern social psychologists, IIRC, understand this as a case of cognitive dissonance: the person does a favor for you and needs a reason, otherwise the disconnect creates dissonance. So they reappraise their opinion of you as someone whom they like (or at least dislike less).
The last think I’ll suggest is reading “The Art of Worldly Wisdom.”
Yes, I’ve got the QuickTime movie of him saying it. He’s trying to quote Coach Bobby Knight and just completely flubs it. It’s far from the stupidest thing he ever said, although it probably makes the top 50 list, along with “mind is a terrible thing to lose” and “forward to the future or past to the back” and “happy campers” and so on.
I will try to use that next time someone interrupts me. I have a soft, quiet voice, and to some people, that means just talk louder than I am when I have already started talking. Bozos.
I like the idea of asking for a favour, too. That’s super-sneaky.
) ":wally to a good old fashioned pulling someone into a conference room (or in front of the entire team if need be) and ripping into them. Depends on the situation. 90% of management is politics because you are constantly dealing with lots of people with conflicting goals and objectives.