Maybe there’s no answer that isn’t based on just politeness and ethics, but maybe someone else has thought about this and put some math behind it.
I have a seat on the bus when someone gets on and can’t find a seat. Say I happen to know where that person will get off and I decide to fairly share my seat with him. At what point should I give him the seat?
I’d be interested in knowing if anyone has done an analysis of this or a similar type of resource sharing. I also like to know if anyone has looked at this from an ethics point of view – that is, even if I don’t have full knowledge of the situations of the other riders should I, as a socially responsible person, give up my seat at some point?
I used to be a waiter; we were taught that you served the oldest woman to the youngest woman and then the oldest man to the youngest man.
I don’t think that much thought needs to go into being polite. If 4 15 year old girls get on the train I’m probably not moving. If one is in a cast, or pregnant, I’m getting up.
Same with an elderly man. I don’t need an ethics matrix to be polite. It’s intuitive, and natural based on what I can see and the perceptions I draw from it.
The OP is getting at sharing seating between passengers of the same ‘class,’ so as to minimize average standing time, right? Nice thought, I guess, but it doesn’t work like that and I suspect you’d just confuse people to try.
If you are bound, by your recognition of another passenger’s condition, to give up your seat, you must do so instantly–and you must do so with as little fuss as possible, so as to make it easy for the lady, the elder gentleman, or the encumbered person, to accept your offer without embarrassment.
If you are not so bound, the seat is yours until your own stop.
If the question is “Should I give up my seat to give others a fair chance to sit down?” then the answer depends on how long they will be standing. On a typical bus ride that won’t be long enough for it to matter much, though you always could give someone else a seat if you felt like it. The main social construct is to give up your seat to someone in noticeably poorer physical condition than yourself.
Yes, I should have said, “all else being equal.” And, or course, I realized that in real life it’s “winner take all”: if you get a seat it’s yours for the duration.
But if you did want to share, what rule of thumb might you use? Equal time standing? Equal time sitting?
I’m in my early 60’s and was raised in the (sorta) mid west, so my experiences were possibly different from most of the people on here.
It was drilled into me as a young boy that if all seats were full, not just on buses but anywhere, and a lady, an elderly gentleman, or a person with obvious physical problems was standing then a gentleman offered their seat to them. Otherwise you were just white trash.
I know that many people now feel very differently, but I can’t help it. BTW, that is also how I raised my sons. I know now that this is at lease somewhat sexist, and that bothers me considerably since I otherwise consider myself to be a feminist.
As an example, my wife and I were riding a crowded city bus last year and a young (20 something) lady got on the bus and she was wearing very high heels. I immediately started to get up to offer her my seat and my wife grabbed my arm to stop me. I pointed out that with those shoes she was at a greater risk of falling. My wife said, “She knew she would be riding the bus when she got dressed this morning” and continued her grip on to my arm. I felt extremely uncomfortable for the rest of the trip.
I know cognitively that she was right, but it’s awfully difficult to go against everything inside you that tells you what is right.
Just a personal perspective that probably doesn’t help answer your question.
Yeah, I thought that was what the Op was asking- but no.
I think what he asking is that assuming both passengers are young, fit males, but one has been sitting for a while, and knows the other dude isn’t getting off the bus for a good long time either, should the sitter offer his seat to the stander so as to equalize sitting time?
Ifso, then the answer is no, unless you know the other dude well enough to say “Hey Bob, wanna change places for a bit, I am tired of sitting and want to stand for a bit?”
But if it is a stranger, and all other things being equal, then no, you will just confuse him.
Correct. There is no recognized etiquette (in the US, at least) for “seat-sharing” on public transportation if both parties are equally capable of standing.
The etiquette rules for an adult’s giving up a seat to someone less capable of standing are more or less as follows:
You are definitely supposed to give up a seat to someone very elderly, mobility-impaired, or obviously too encumbered or tottery to be comfortable remaining standing, especially if you’re sitting in one of the “priority seating” areas near the front.
You are generally encouraged to give up a seat to somebody who seems pretty fit but is hampered by luggage or what-not, or even one who is older and looking kind of tired.
In some communities and traditions, as destry notes, it is still expected with varying degrees of rigor that any male will relinquish a seat to any female, unless he is way more frail or mobility-impaired than she is. However, this is no longer a generally observed etiquette rule.
However, if the OP wants to implement his own fairness policy in seat-sharing with random fellow-passengers whatever their fitness level, he can do that, although he shouldn’t announce it or try to draw attention to it. Just get up from your seat and move to one of the standee areas, and let the other person sit down if they want to.
Personally, I think I might implement something like this “hey Dude/Dudet, I’m getting of in a stop or two and I kinda like to stand for bit before I get off to get the circulation back in my legs…ole college football injury doncha know…like to trade places?”
Thats assuming the scenario is that standing person looks neither better nor worse for wear than I do but I desire to “share” the sitting vs standing duties a bit more fairly than hey, I got here first thems the breaks.
I have a bum left leg. Bad knee, bad hip. I can’t sit in the regular ‘no leg room’ seats because by the time I reach my stop, I will be in agony from not being able to straighten my leg. I can stand and I do sometimes when I infrequently ride the train, but obviously isn’t optimum. The thing is that you wouldn’t know I have a bum leg just by looking at me, or even watching me approach the bus. I can walk miles with little or no pain. I just can’t keep my knee bent like that for long periods of time.
So every day I sit on the side facing ‘elderly and handicapped’ seats on my bus, right up front.
When would I move? If the able bodied people who sit in them won’t move for someone very old or handicapped, I would. But you’re damn skippy I’d be asking one of them to move first, and saying please.
The only time I can imagine getting up and allowing a standing person to take my spot otherwise would be on a long trip (which has never happened). It would do me good to get up after about an hour, and it would probably do someone else good to sit after that long. Of course, if it was a 3-4 hour trip, getting up after an hour and standing the rest of the way would be a mistake I’d regret.