Unless, of course, you’re in terrible danger and need help immediately.
Whenever you google anything, you get the right site and the information you need immediately. TV’s google-fu is perfection.
However, any person overhearing what you say will misinterpret it in the worst possible way, and will not ask you to clarify it.
When the bedside phone rings in the middle of the night, you always turn on the light to answer it. And it never hurts your eyes when you do.
–You can always find a parking space right where you need it, immediately
–Bombs conveniently come with LED countdowns. And they’re accurate
– People don’t actually have to work or go to classes. they simply go to a workplace or a school corridor to have a place to interact.
You are a blue collar worker with a GED whose favorite pasttime is drinking beer with your buddies while watching The Game on TV. You are a fat load who steps in metaphorical shit trying to a) get rich or b) advance the Idiot Plot. In spite of all appearances, there is something magical about you because you are married to a thin, blazingly beautiful, much younger woman who only looks upon you fondly, shaking her head at your predicaments…Conversely, if you are that thin, beautiful, young woman, you are darned GLAD to live in semi-squalor married to The Big Lug. (Can only surmise you have learning disabilities and can’t hold down a ‘real’ job. Or you have a past prison record/are an ex-prostitute/stripper/drug addict and have left your sordid past behind to live the wacky family life with The Big Lug in Pluggerville, PA., now clean and sober.
If you are rich in Television, your home is bestrewn with flower arrangements or at least lots of potted plants… If you are poor in TV you and your family always converse sitting lined up on the couch, but if you are rich, you are always sitting at a dining room table bestrewn with wine glasses and fine china… If it’s breakfast, you have it outside, with splendid scenery and weather conditions. In either case, your food is served by silent uniformed lackies.
If you are pregnant, you can hide it behind pillows, big bags, and plants and nobody suspects a thing. When you show up not pregnant and without a baby, nobody will ask WTF?
You never say “good-bye” or “talk to you later” when you finish a phone conversation. You answer the phone, grunt a couple of times and hang up.
Unless you’re a teenager on a sitcom and it’s a good comedy point, like right before prom, but normally you’ll be fine.
a lot of these are addressed in Seinfeld, even this one where Kramer crashes into the locked door. 
Bad guys are really bad shots, and will miss you repeatedly. Luckily, you can hit two or three before they get you.
You always have toast and orange juice with breakfast. Sometimes you have eggs, bacon, sausage or cereal with it. But there’s always toast and orange juice.
Your kids are almost late for school, every day. And an alarming number of children get driven to school.
Judges are, without exception, overweight black women.
Arrested Development handled that nicely. Attorney Wayne Jarvis wanted to shock Michael with some breaking news story, so he turned on the TV – and got a commercial.
So, tv gets one thing right…
Speaking of kids, when they display any knowledge about sex, it’s hilarious.
And little old ladies are horndogs.
All trips home from the grocery store are on foot (no one loads groceries in the car trunk).
All grocery trips require only one bag, and there must be a loaf of bread sticking up out of the bag.
Also, this bread is always unwrapped and exposed to the elements.
If the shopping was done in France, there will also be a bottle of wine and possibly a model of the Eiffel Tower.
This! When they wake up together and start kissing I immediately think- don’t you have to pee? Brush your teeth?
Nothing pulls me out of the moment than two people who have deep intimate (sexual or otherwise) interactions first thing in the morning without peeing first!!!
Granted nobody’s mentioned any specific programs or characters yet, but it’s only a matter of time IMO.
Moving from MPSIMS to CS.
Celery, dammit. It’s celery.
My phone number? Sure, it’s 555-…
One blow to the head or neck is sufficient to knock anyone unconscious for exactly the amount of time you need to escape, or rob, or do whatever it is you need to do. And no ill after-effects will be suffered.