:laughs: Well, you really need to stop comparing yourself to those girls especially! Very few role models there! Remember the girl (actually there were two of them, I think, in two different cities) who was on welfare, with several small children, and a future husband who was out of work and who wanted help planning her several-thousand dollars worth of wedding? No role model at all! You and Mr. E are being so much wiser!
Well. I’ll admit here that I have a terrible mouth. Everyone in my family teases me about it. I blame it on the Navy (even though I only did 6 years and my husband – who did 26 years – barely swears at all). If I’d waited until I stopped swearing to have kids I wouldn’t have any yet.
Actually, we’ve had a surprisingly easy transition. We did have a few weeks of major arguments, but that was in relation to his dad and buying a house. Other than that, marriage has been the best thing I’ve ever done. We’ve lived together for a year now, and there’s a definite difference between marriage and living together - I feel a lot more secure. Maybe that’s why I’m so eager to share parenthood with him.
Part of it may be that I just turned thirty two weeks ago, and I’m worried about my fertility issues. We initially agreed on a year after marriage to start trying, and we’ll probably stick with that, but I can’t help the feelings I’m having. Believe me, I don’t WANT to be having these feelings right now. Doesn’t mean they’ll go away just because I wish them away. And it’s very frustrating to see friends who’ve gotten married after us who are pregnant now. Again, I know I need to stop comparing our life to theirs, but it’s done subconsiously - I can’t really help it.
We will still probably wait the year. I just wish these stupid feelings would GO AWAY because they’re driving me nuts.
Really? Okay, that would explain it, especially since the person I replaced at my current job just gave birth. I’ll bet she left a bunch of those pheremones in my chair!
I know, I know - you know exactly the girls I’m talking about, too, I bet - the ones who got married at 18 or 19, and are now pregnant even though they have NO money, because they just couldn’t wait…grrr. I remember that girl - I think I just shook my head at her and moved on because if I posted, I’d say something I regret.
We talked about it again last night, and he understands that I’d do anything to get rid of these feelings right now. He knows I’m not upset with him that he’s not ready - it’s just one of those things. I seem to be ready for things a lot faster than him anyway - I was ready to get engaged faster, I was ready to move in faster, I was ready to buy a house sooner - it’s not as much that he wasn’t ready for those things, just that he moves slower than I do and I’m a lot more impatient:D(actually, he did want to get married sooner, but only because I wanted a winter wedding and he wanted a summer wedding - I gave him and we married five months sooner than I wanted). A lot of it is just learning patience on my part.
Oh, man - my dad was a Navy man, and I got my mouth from him! My guess is that he got your husband’s swearing 'cause he’s got enough for two men. In fact, my nickname at one of my old jobs was ‘Sailor’. Guess where that came from?
I’ve realized even if mr. e and I watch our mouths, the kids are still going to pick it up from my dad and uncles. There’s a reason my cousin’s four year old (our ring bearer, so this shouldn’t surprise you) went up to the salesperson during a timeshare pictch, looked her dead in the eye, and said loudly - “This is BULLSH*T!”.
Anyway, I’m feeling better after my talk with mr. e last night. We came up with a few more steps to work towards trying and I’m going to pick up “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” so I can feel like I’m at least DOING something. I feel like one of those women I hoped I’d never become, who seems to be putting having babies over her marriage, and I’m NOT doing that - my marriage is sacred to me, and our mantra to one another is “If you don’t have kids, I don’t have kids”, but it’s like someone’s messing with my head and making me see babies everywhere.
You know another few things you can do to get ready besides taking your temp and charting? And maybe you’re already doing all these things, I don’t know, but:
Make sure you daily take a multivitamin, plus perhaps some extra calcium if you system allows it (no history of kidney stones, etc.). That way, whenever you get pregnant, you’ve already got plenty of folic acid and calcium in your system. I’ve read lots of articles that advise doing just that in preparation for pregnancy to ensure healthy development of your fetus, and as a plus, it makes you healthier too while you wait.
Get into a good regular exercise routine and make sure you’re in great shape. If you already are, kudos to you. Although being in great shape won’t necessarily prevent all pregnancy complications, it should make it easier for your body to deal with them if you get some. And perhaps it will help stave off any you might have had. Plus you’ll feel good, too.
If you smoke, quit. That impairs your fertility to some extent, besides other aspects of your health. It’s a great thing you can do for yourself and any potential babies. If you don’t smoke, so much the better, because you’ve already done something for yourself and the unborn.
Have a complete physical besides the OB/GYN thing. Now is a great time to know if your iron’s OK, your weight is healthy, etc. and to fix and balance any little things that might be out of whack. I know you mentioned about the endo thing, but it won’t hurt to get the rest of you tuned up besides dealing with that.
In short, work on getting physically as healthy as you can be before you start trying. It will benefit you even if you never have kids, and if you try to get pregnant in 7 months or whatever, you’ll know you’ve done everything you can ahead of time to ensure a healthy pregnancy and decent birth.
Good luck whatever you decide! For what it’s worth, my husband and I had our first 2 years and 2 weeks after we married. I adore my eldest but sometimes wish wistfully that we’d had some more time together as a couple before she’d happened along. It’s a balancing act, for sure.
You and I are almost exactly the same age (I turned 30 two weeks ago this Saturday), but I’ve never had the baby-lust feelings. I like and eventually want kids, though I find kids who are old enough to talk to be more interesting than infants. I’m wondering, after reading this thread, if there’s something wrong with me for not having baby-lust…
Actually, I think we’re the exact same age! Your birthday was on Jan 29? Mine, too!
I share a birthday with a Doper! Yay!
And I don’t think it’s strange at all. One of the best parents I know never had those feelings, and she’s the most amazing mother now. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted kids before she got married, then after she got married, decided she did. But she never had the extreme desire and baby-lust. It’s funny, though, my other friend and I used to beg her not to have kids because she’d sit in restaurants and glare at misbehaving children while muttering “Ankle biters. Little brats.”. Never would’ve guessed she’d be one of the best mothers I’ve ever seen.
can’t find the cite or a popular article about it - but yeah.
I’m also married to a “moves slower” … I can sympathize!
Most of my online friends are working on number two or three (and I was in the “second wave” of first children and most of THEM are working on number two) and I keep having to tell myself to wait for mister “moves slower” to catch up. And again, my online buds range from 19 to 42 - one of the things we have in common is our children (ranging from 3 years to 3 weeks, plus step and previous children not born during the duratio of time we have been friends) … and we have to constantly try not to compare life stanges and I dont’ know where I was going with this because I have work crap happening uk.
Being a 21-year-old college student who can’t even begin to consider having a child, this was the only useful comment I could think to make.