Where did ESPN go wrong?

[Hostile_Dialect]

@VarlosZ

– DH’s drug problem. Holy shit, did they ever milk this one. DH arrives at a crack-house 20 minutes before kickoff on Sunday, goes into the bathroom to get high, then somehow gets to the stadium and suits up in time to play (and play well, naturally, while high on crack). DH visits a sick kid in the hospital and steals his pain meds. DH is going into crack withdrawal at halftime, forcing the gay tight end to go buy more crack for him in the parking lot – of course, cocaine/crack withdrawal doesn’t produce the intense physical symptoms that the show depicts (vomitting, tremors), but that hardly seems important.
I’m sure I’m forgetting some. Little help?

I seem to remember that DH didn’t smoke crack. He smoked weed (once calling himself a “dime-bag junkie”; ‘dime bag’ is pretty much strictly grass terminology, as I understand it) and snorted coke (remember when he and his non-drug-using teammate got pulled over on the way to the game because the teammate spilled DH’s coke in the car?). Although I don’t remember the episode where he steals the kid’s pain meds, I don’t doubt it happened, as I only saw a couple episodes.

As far as realism goes, you’re correct about cocaine withdrawal, and I highly doubt someone with as much money as DH would keep less than ample supplies of his favorite drug around (thus having to send out a teammate to buy more at halftime). Especially considering the truly prodigious amount of llello I seem to recall DH having before his other teammate spilled it in the car.

[Hostile_Dialect]

Oh, and I think I remember the episode you referenced, VarlosZ. He bought/smoked weed (that’s when he called himself a ‘dime bag junkie’). If he had smoked crack, he probably would have been coming down by the time the game started.

@http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/cocaine/cocaine_basics.shtml

The effects of snorted cocaine are quite short with the primary high lasting only 20-40 minutes. This is one of the reasons leading to problems with addiction. As the effects wear off, more is often snorted. This pattern of repeated use can quickly move in the direction of addiction. A hit of smoked Crack (freebase cocaine) will typically produce effects lasting 5-15 minutes.

It’s not particularly amazing that he performed well while stoned, BTW. One of my high school basketball team’s best players was stoned at every game. (I didn’t even realize it until somebody pointed out how uncharacteristically nice the guy was at the games, how red his eyes were, and how fond he was of the post-game taco shop trip.)

[VarlosZ]

I seem to remember him smoking crack or freebasing at the drug dealer’s house before the game, but I could be mistaken.

If he had smoked crack, he probably would have been coming down by the time the game started.

True, but I don’t think the writers did much research into the matter.

He was definately freebasing during halftime; I remember his teammate had to light it for him.

It’s not particularly amazing that he performed well while stoned [on weed], BTW. One of my high school basketball team’s best players was stoned at every game.

I concur. My own experience suggests that pot doesn’t necessarily affect one’s reflexes (screws with my concentration something fierce, though).

[VarlosZ]

Ooh, I remembered another one:

The star quarterback knocks up an innocent groupie in a one-night stand and coerces her into having an abortion.

[Marley23]

@VarlosZ

Don’t get me wrong, I thought Playmakers was at least a moderately entertaining show, but it was about professional football in the same way that Blazing Saddles was about 19th century American history.

I do give ESPN some respect for, briefly, dealing with real issues the NFL would rather keep quiet, like drugs. But you’re right. The show I’d compare Playmakers to is Boston Public. Every week it was some new, dramatic crisis that was either ripped from the headlines or designed to ‘tackle an ethical issue.’

[Superdude]

@Dignan

I remember a time when ESPN was about Sports Center, Baseball Tonight, the odd baseball or football game and fishing shows.

Well, I can’t tell how old you are, but some of us geezers (I’m 31) remember a time when MTV actually showed videos 24/7.

And we feel old when listening to the song 1985 by Bowling for Soup.

[Czarcasm]

Moving this from IMHO to Cafe Society.

[astorian]

Sad thing is, ESPN wouldn’t CARE what I think of their programming. Not any more. I’m 43, which means they don’t want me watching any more! As far as they’re concerned, guys my age and older are undesirable viewers, because advertisers have written us off as hopeless cases (by the time you’ve reached your mid-thirties, you already know what brand of beer, toothpaste and toilet paper you like, so why would anyone want to advertise to YOU?).

ESPN and its advertisers want YOUNG viewers. And they believe, rightly or wrongly, that young viewers don’t just want scores and highlights. They believe young viewers want razzle-dazzle and gimmickry.

So, I can complain all I want about how bad ESPN has become, and it won’t matter.

[EllisDee]

@astorian

Sad thing is, ESPN wouldn’t CARE what I think of their programming. Not any more. I’m 43, which means they don’t want me watching any more! As far as they’re concerned, guys my age and older are undesirable viewers, because advertisers have written us off as hopeless cases (by the time you’ve reached your mid-thirties, you already know what brand of beer, toothpaste and toilet paper you like, so why would anyone want to advertise to YOU?).

Yes, you (and I) have already decided our brand loyalty on the disposable products which foster brand loyalty. (Soda, toothpaste, etc…) But not all products foster brand loyalty, and so are still up for grabs. Do you really care what shaving cream you use? Okay, some do, but not everyone does.

But you are now at that big-ticket purchase level. Who do you think they target with car commercials? It aint the twenty-somethings. Or, rather, you can immediately spot which cars are targeting which demographics. Now I’m curious to check out which commercials SC features. You could very well be correct.

[JThunder]

ESPN went wrong by not having Jennifer Dempster on 24 hours a day.

[JohnT]

I agree with Trunk and pretty much disagree with everybody else.

Steven A. Smith rocks, imo the only reason to watch their NBA analysis. “Dream Job” is fun. “Playmakers” got my wife (my WIFE!) interested in football. 20 hours of yachting, Aussie football, and college lacrosse is not interesting.

Anybody catch the Star Wars Sportscenter commercial last night? Darth Vader guarding the file room with his light saber, R2D2 projecting Princess Leia in the middle of a SC broadcast… it was hilarious. I was rather surprised that Lucas would let his characters be used for an ESPN commercial - I know that he (Lucas) is a money-grubbing whore, but still… licensing the characters for commercials?

[Wartime_Consigliori]

I, too, like Stephen A. Smith, though it drives me NUTS when he can’t CONTROL his VOCAL MODULATION. I think all of their NBA analysts do a good job (Walton excepted), and I was impressed with their panel discussions immediately following the Artest incident. I thought their dialogue was very balanced and reasoned. I also like Tom Tolbert a lot. I think he brings a neat perspective to their NBA coverage. My call: More Tolbert- Less Walton.

Apparantly, they’ve pulled Brad Nessler off of NBA coverage and condemned him to working with Dick Vitale (a singularly loathsome and hideous creature whose schtick wore thin about 10 years ago) on college hoops. That’s a shame. I thought Nessler had made remarkable improvement over the past two seasons, and I prefer him greatly to Al Michaels (who, in all fairness, is alright) and Mike Breen (who also does a reasonably good job).

It is hard for me to hate Chris Berman, mostly for sentimental reasons, but one of these days I’m going to be watching NFL Countdown while hung-over, and he’s gonna do “MARSHALL MARSHALL MARSHALL”, or something similar, once too often, and the end result will be me having to purchase a new television. Tom Jackson is good, though, and Michael Irvin has been a pleasant surprise.

Their baseball coverage is tedious, at best. Joe Morgan needs to be doing something else. College hoops is good, with the exception of the previously-villified Vitale. “Diaper Dandy” has got to be up there on the list of most annoying expressions of all time.

I like Linda Cohn and Chris McKendry on SportsCenter. Steve Berthiume and his Marv Albert impressions need to be (to paraphrase Hunter S. Thompson) “stuffed in a G**damned bottle and sent out with the Japanese current”. Steve Levy’s okay. Something has to be done to put Kenny Mayne out of his misery. Those “Mayne Event” segments are so unfunny, and they have become painful and embarrassing to watch.

PTI is top shelf. It took me some time to warm up to Kornheiser, but I’ve adjusted, and that’s a show I hate to miss. Around the Horn would be better if Woody Paige received the same treatment I’ve recommended for Mr. Berthiume in the previous paragraph.

Jeremy Shapp (sp?) is solid. I think Pam Ward does a good job with her college football play-by-play, and I think its great that ESPN gave her that opportunity.

But to my mind, the main man on ESPN is without a doubt John Saunders. That guy does everything well that he is asked to do. ESPN should consider themselves fortunate to have him around.

[JohnT]

I totally forgot Dick Vitale.

I take it back: ESPN sucks.

[obfusciatrist]

I haven’t had cable in years so I only see ESPN when I’m in a hotel room (a reasonably common occurrence).

Unless they’re showing an actual sporting event I just can’t watch any more. The primary reason is Steven A. Smith. He seems to crop up every 5 minutes and I just don’t like him. It is sports, not Hardball or Crossfire. Fabricated indignation is even less appealing in sports journalists than in politicans.

But I never seem to see highlights. It appears that any baseball game is going to get 4.3 seconds of highlights so that they can fit in a stupid quiz game with athletes, or an incomprehensible highlight music video.

I can’t say I’m happy with all the poker and pool (especially since it always seems to be the same poker and pool), but at least it is a real event and they only cut away to Steven A. Smith every 15 minutes or so.

[ISiddiqui]

Put me down as one who thinks ESPN is straying. This ‘movies’ are just crappy and not needed. I’d rather have the Aussie Rules Football or MLS or curling or European Hockey or the CFL. I want to see sports, I don’t care which ones they are. It’s probably why I watch Fox Sports World so much.

Steven A. Smith is HORRIBLE. Someone needs to shoot him. I still love Chris Berman, and Woody Paige is the best part of Around the Horn. Personally, I think shows like PTI and AtH are good… the pundit shows have always been a favorite of mine. I always watched the Sports Reporters when it was one.

EA Sports NFL Matchup is probably one of the best shows they have and I’d like to see more of those strategy/tactics shows. Baseball Tonight is also great and not just because I love baseball, but the pundits on it are great.