Where would you absolutely, positively never want to live?

In My Humble Opinion
61

Another vote for Florida. Now, I’ve lived in and around Atlanta for nigh-on 35 years, and everything y’all say about the humidity in the Southeast is dead-on accurate; it suuuxxxx, and is only getting worse with global climate change. (We don’t even get a break in the winter, because that same humidity that makes heat so intolerable also makes cold bite a little deeper).

But my family, and Mrs. SMV’s, and all our friends are here. And we live in a pretty, liberal, gay-friendly and diverse town, close enough to access all the amenities of downtown and Midtown Atlanta. Atlanta has the restaurants, museums, ethnic communities and such to be an interesting city. Plus, the city is pretty - lots of old, genteel neighborhoods, lots of interesting buildings. And while I sure as hell wouldn’t want to live there, the north Georgia mountains are lovely and great places for a getaway.

The politics and religion of the rest of the state - outside of some progressive enclaves around Athens, Augusta, and Savannah - get a hard pass. But I can tolerate Atlanta.

Florida, however, is all the crappy weather, politics, and culture of Georgia, served up on a platter of ugly architecture, generic communities, and boring topography. I’ve never been to Miami, the Everglades, or the Keys, so I can’t say what those areas are like; but the bits of Florida I have seen hold utterly zero appeal.

Likewise Mississippi and Alabama. Texas for the toxic politics.

Topography would also keep me out of flatlands, like Nebraska or Kansas or eastern Colorado. I need some hills on my horizons.

62

Is this because of the political aspect, or because it’s a big city, or both? I’ve spent time in DC and found it to be a surprisingly livable city especially in the relatively quiet parts like Palisades or the edges of Georgetown.

However, I’m predisposed in favor of big cities, having been born in a megalopolis and lived in several others. The smallest city I’ve lived in for more than a few months has a current population of 440K.

Two cities where I would not want to live: downtown Detroit and downtown Newark, NJ. I got lost driving through Detroit around 10 years ago and even though I’ve lived in upper Manhattan and in the Bronx in the 1980s, Detroit looked more scary. So did Newark, which I visited because I’d heard the Museum of Art is good. Yes, it is, but the surrounding neighborhood was not, at least it wasn’t 9 years ago.

63

And yet I’ve heard so many delightful tales of the prisons in North Korea.

64

Where there’s a lot of other humans. I could probably live in any habitable region as long as it was essentially a natural environment. I can hardly bear to visit towns any more, much less cities.

However, I prefer to stay exactly where I am (rural New England).

65

NVMind, still writing…

66

Dagon worshipper, are you?

67

Having nothing better to do — and against the Ottlets’ better judgement — about a year ago I accepted an invitation to a lunch and tour of a “senior living” complex (the sort where one can transition from independent living to assisted living to memory care while remaining in the same location). Conclusion: Not never, no never — no “hardly ever.”

For one thing, at 74 I found myself one of the younger people I encountered (excepting the staff, of course). And not just younger, but more mobile: the majority of residents seemed to be using either scooters or walkers. Add in the fact that most of the people in the dining room seemed to be alone and more or less listlessly picking at their food, and the atmosphere belied the salesbeing’s claim that there was so much to do and enjoy (“Last night we roasted marshmallows around the fire pit!”). The overall impression was, in a word or two, damn depressing.

The facility itself? Not much to say. It made me think of a Motel 6 with drywall slapped over the concrete blocks — no character whatsoever.

The worst part was that if I took up residence there, I’d be almost completely dependent on them (which I think is the idea). After paying the rent on the cheapest studio, I’d have about enough left over for a haircut and a bottle of Diet Coke a month, so forget having a mobile phone, let alone a car. Even with more money, I’d still be limited to grocery shopping on their schedule and at their selected stores. No, thank you.

I know many people (such as Chefguy) do build robust and satisfying lives in senior communities, and more power to them. But unless calamity strikes, I’ll stay in the WWII-era crackerbox I’ve called home for the past 25 years.

68

Missed the edit window, so…

Mummers — hmmm, I had to look that one up. Wiki has it, okay, got it.

I’m 61 and my wife is 57. We both look forward to moving to a retirement community. We’ll probably move sooner rather than later. But it’s not for maybe at least 7-10 more years.

Where would I absolutely, positively never want to live?

  • Where it freezes / snows / bad winters. We like the snow of winter but we will visit it, not live in it. As we get older, slipping and falling on ice and snow won’t be fun. Neither will driving in it.
  • A red state. Not a blue state either. Find me a purple area where there is a mix of thinking and values. Don’t put me in where everyone thinks alike. I want to see different points of views, and discuss them.
  • Rural and far from at least 2-3 good hospitals. My wife has had two organ transplants, and she’s nearing the need for another kidney. We need to be near good doctors and treatment facilities.
  • Inner city. Manhattan or DC or inner San Francisco are fine to visit, and fun to visit, but not to live in at our ages.
  • Geographically uniform and similar. I want to be within a couple hours’ drive of mountains, lakes, rivers, and good hiking spots.
  • Ethnic and cultural homogeneity. Give me a mix of cultures and ethnicities. Give me a place with different cuisines and good restaurants.
  • Religious (or atheistic) homogeneity. We’re Christians, but I want different religions around me. It will enrich the societal surroundings. I include heathens here, too. :slight_smile:
  • Economic homogeneity. Find me a place where there truly is a middle class. Mix in some richer people and some poorer people.
  • Finally, the states I would generally rule out are (and I’ve visited them all): Florida, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, and Arkansas; New England, New York [my home state!], and New Jersey; North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Iowa, and Kansas; and finally, Alaska.

Yeah, I think that’s all I want!

69

Hadn’t heard of that movie, although I did see a PBS doco a few months ago about a senior-living facility that is gay-friendly, and IIRC was called The Rainbow Lodge. Even though I’m not LGBTQ+, it actually sounded like it would be a decent place to live. Straight people can live there, and they did interview a married straight couple who moved there because it seemed like a good fit for them, and they did say they were happy there.

I’ve heard that a lot of senior-living facilities (for which I am at the lower edge of qualification) are even cliquier than high schools. I went to high school once, TYVM, and have no desire to experience anything like that again.

I hated growing up in Des Moines, and have no desire to live there at all.

70

I’m going to say that IME there are (at least) four Floridas:

  1. The rural / smalltown redneck hell. Both coastal and inland.
  2. The Orlando / Villages endless inland suburbia, most of which is hard core rightist / country club Republican coupled with humid, hot, and generally flat & boring and full of national franchises and little else.
  3. The coastal part in the southwest which is culturally sorta midwestern but warm & sunny year-round.
  4. The coastal part in the southeast which is culturally sorta northeastern but warm & sunny year-round.

Both areas 3 and 4 are available from workin’ class to jawdroppingly rich monster yacht-owning class.

For me at least at age 64, I find that living in area 4 in the not-quite-yacht owning class is a darn good gig. We can kick it every day of the year. And my friends and neighbors in their 70s and 80s report their same happiness. Lots of activities, lots of interesting culture and ethnicity and eating and arts, plenty of stimulation, and a complete absence of adverse weather. And darn few taxes or tiresome RW jerkitude once you learn to ignore our moronic governor pandering to the many area 1+2 voters.


As to elder facilities ...

My late MIL lived in a FL Independent Living place from age 91+ to 96+. She sucessfully dropped dead one day before she ended up in assisted living or memory care or a nursing home. But long after she was incapable of living alone happily or safely while she’d have been badly mis-managing her own affairs.

It was plenty nice enough versus her accustomed middle-class-plus SES. And not materially more expensive than the ordinary apartment she’d had on the economy previously. As mentioned by others above, a lot of the residents at Independent Living are mobility challenged; the folks who can still walk and cut their own steak live elsewhere.

Those who aren’t mobility challenged aren’t senile, but they’re what I call “mental ambition challenged”. Like an e.g. 10 yo, they’re not quite up to the full responsibilities of adulthood and need some help with the basics of managing their affairs. Not that the facility offered that service, but the facility makes the rest of their life simple enough that extended family can keep up with the rest while the facility also makes the residents’ day-to-day life simple and trouble-free enough that they could keep up with what they do experience. It is real easy to forget how much “stuff” in our lives refuses to stay corralled and requires regular attention to stay on course. Elders simply can’t muster the give-a-shit or the how-do-I-decide-how-to-fix-this to do that work; then chaos duly overcomes them when they don’t. That’s bad and you want to avoid that in your parents’ life and in your own.

It’s hardly a badge of honor to decide go into a facility like that. And it’d be torture for a healthy 40-something or even 60-something. But I expect that when I become ambition or mobility challenged enough, that kind of place is better than dying a decade early at the other prison we call “home”.

As a condo president of a mostly-healthy retiree condo for the last few years I’ve certainly watched any number of my residents age from having lots of fun to semi-shut-in to senile-danger-to-self-and-others to dead when they could have lived a bunch longer and better had they moved to an actively supportive facility well before their advancing age foreclosed their ability to do so.

I applaud and respect @Chefguy for understanding the unpleasant writing on the wall and acting accordingly. Being trapped where you can no longer hack what used to be both fun & doable is a deadly mistake. My advice is to avoid that. I deeply hope to heed that advice myself before my time comes.

71

Sounds a bit fishy to me.

72

I had a reminder last evening of why Texas living is no longer for me.

I picked up an ornamental rain gauge in the garden and was instantly swarmed by a horde of tiny ants that had decided to nest under it. I started a frantic get-them-off-me dance before calming down in the realization that while having a few dozen ants crawling on your hands is unpleasant, these were a harmless Kentucky species, not fire ants. It’s been over 20 years since I lived in southeast Texas and I still have an instinctual fight/flight reaction to tiny ants getting on me. Texas and other deep South/Gulf Coast states not only have fiercely stinging fire ants, in recent years they’ve been invaded by tawny crazy ants which swarm breaker boxes and other electrical devices, shorting them out and doing other damage. They don’t sting, but inject formic acid into bite wounds, which sounds to me like a distinction without a difference.

I prefer a tamer insect (and snake) population.

73

The best description of living in DC I ever heard was that it combines Northern charm with Southern efficiency.

74

Any large urban area where I would be required to drive on high traffic freeways. I don’t mind the crowds on foot, but loathe crowded freeways. Whenever I have a nightmare it involves cars, usually on the freeway (although parking lots tend to be featured as well). I’d be miserable in downtown Dallas, Houston, etc. I could possibly do it if I had a 24 hour live in chauffeur, but even that would probably be unpleasant.

75

I wouldn’t want to live in a big city. I live in a semi-suburban/rural area on 5 acres. I wouldn’t mind being even further out with more land. But not so far away that going grocery shopping would be and all day affair.

I’m in Minnesota, so we have 4 seasons (some much longer than others!) which I would always want to have. I just wish we didn’t have such a long winter and crummy spring. I love warm/hot-ish weather but wouldn’t want to live in a desert area. I need green spaces, trees, water… So I guess I’m pretty happy with where I live.

76

Not to argue because of course everyone should decide for themselves, but I’m 60 and my wife is 61 and we’ve been very clear with our daughter that we NEVER want to move out of NYC, no matter our age. Our experience (and that of friends 10-20 years older than we are) is that an apartment in the heart of a big city is absolutely the best place for an older person. Lots of public transportation (and lots of necessities in walking distance), lots of help, lots to do and see, not so much isolation, not so much physical labor for upkeep and maintenance. Sidewalks get shoveled, food delivery happens, parks are delightful. It’s sort of a paradise for older folks (IF you have adequate money. Always a BIG if.)

My cousin, who came to Manhattan as 19-year-old immigrant, worked in a deli and enjoyed her life and her cats and her apartment on the Upper West Side until she passed away a couple of years ago at the age of 98 (she had retired from her job at 88).

77

Both, and more. Hot in summer, cold and snowy (with nowhere to ski), expensive, crowded, traffic and from what I hear a nasty East-coast vibe from the locals. No thanks.

78

My mom lives in an independent living retirement community- basically it’s a lot like dorm life for seniors. They’ve got their own apartments, cars, etc… but they also live in a community where the stuff like maintenance and upkeep of a house is taken care of, there’s a dining hall so they don’t have to cook and clean up if they don’t want to, and there are activities, so if they don’t have a lot of friends, etc… they can do those.

For her, it’s a good thing. She’s got early-mid Alzheimer’s, so being somewhere that they can keep an eye on her and give her medications on time is a great thing, but she can still go do stuff with her friends (when they pick her up; she can’t drive), etc…

I can see how some people might not want that, but it’s not the same thing at all as say… an assisted living place, which is much more like the classic “nursing home”, where everyone there needs significant help with daily living stuff- they’re immobile or otherwise unable to take care of themselves. Those places are generally as sad as you imagine they might be, even when run by caring and compassionate people.

79

I live in a retirement community in Va. it’s just fine. Different from being in the country or the big city (done those too) but very comfortable and great sense of community. Great weather too.

I would not on a bet live in Florida, Texas, or New Jersey- all for the same reason. Politics.

80

My son went to Marymount Manhattan on the upper east side. When we’d visit we’d think along the same lines as you. Much of what you mention does make it a good place as we age. We certainly considered it. The subway is very convenient. But for us we’re used to not living in an urban setting, so it’s more a matter of preference.

Manhattan is pricey. But certainly, having many transportation options as one ages is great, as are having lots of nearby help, attractions, and services. Enjoy!