I don’t mean in cold blood, premeditated, or anything like that. Hopefully not in hot blood. Not anyone I know.
But given the circumstances where I am in a war or I’m being attacked by someone and my life is in danger, I just might be able to pull the trigger of a gun. If my life was in danger.
I could never kill someone deliberately, or stab them because that requires physical closeness to the person and a wide range of emotional baggage too, nor could I kill someone I know. But given the “right” circumstances I just might be able to defend my life and kill a fellow human being.
I’m terrified at the thought too.
Just whoa.
Congratulations Blackeyes… it can be an important aspect of learning more about yourself.
I’ve actually gone out, loaded and ready, with the intention of killing someone before. The only thing that stopped it was the realization that doing so would cost me the woman I love. No worries… just an aspect of who I am.
This summer I will be taking a trip back to Montana, and if the opportunity presents itself to goad a special someone into attacking me, I intend to kill him. The world will be a better place, and I will be able to sleep at night.
Continue to learn about yourself Blackeyes, but be careful. Sometimes you can learn things you don’t like about yourself.
Blackeyes, the fact that it terrifies you says something about what you are made of. In my opinion, we should all be terrified at the thought of taking a human life.
Thirty years ago I got a shotgun to protect myself when I lived alone. I hated buying it. Didn’t even like to be in the gun store. I has never been fired. But I would have, I think.
Tristan, why do you rent space in your head to this person? Why let him have that much power over you?
Whoa, Tristan, do you really want to be saying that on a public message board? I mean, free speach and all but, you do realize that if the mods decide to leave that post up it can be used in court, don’t you?
It’s not that he has power over me, he has power over somone I care about more than anything else.
As for the danger of discussing it on a Message Board. Well… I did say I would only act in self defense, and I know for a fact that the man always has a knife on him.
Truth be told, when push comes to shove, I will probably just defend myself, and refrain from anything to drastic. The logistic problems of having to defend myself at a trial that’s 1300 miles away from where I live are just too much to deal with.
summary- I’m not going to kill anyone. But it’s a nice fantasy to play out in my head… and talking about it is cathartic.
Be sure it’s fantasy, because it sounds like premeditated murder to me.
To the OP, I have never killed anyone like that, but it sure did sink in about that potential, and it is both sobering and causes further introspection. How would I feel later? How would I feel at that moment?
I had a discussion with some other women once, and I said that I could kill someone to defend my kids. The other women thought that they could never kill anyone for any reason, and maybe they couldn’t. But if someone broke into my house, they could take anything material they want, but if they are threatening my kids, I coul shoot. I’d probably have a nervous break down afterwards, though.
I could do it. I pray to God I never, ever have to, but I could do it. I would do everything in my power to avoid it. If someone broke into my house, I would try to get them to leave before I just shot, but if I felt I took every reasonable step to avoid shooting them, and they insisted on being shot, then that’s just too bad for them. I’d hope I wouldn’t feel bad about it, knowing that it wasn’t my choice. If I were attacked, I’d just shoot.
I doubt I’d shoot to wound, either, since my two weapons of choice here are a shotgun with 12-gauge buckshot and a .22 Beretta. The first would be difficult to cause only wound damage at short range, and the second is too lightly powered to risk it.
I could most certainly do it. I could do it to protect myself, my family, my comrades, or even a stranger whose life was in danger. I could do it in cold blood, if I was in a combat situation (not likely, but it could happen). I believe I’d sleep just fine at night having done it, as well.
I first realized that I was capable of murder when I was 17. Not even just to protect myself or others, really, but rather just for the pure pleasure of having that being gone from this world.
It was at the end of yet another confrontation forced on me by my alcoholic and emotionally abusive stepfather where he kept making me look at him and making a general ass of himself in a way that is extra scary to a girl who wanted nothing more than to just never be noticed and left alone.
The last time he told me to look at him I did, I really looked at him instead of just in his direction. It flashed through my mind that it would be very easy for me to kill him - just a knife to the gut, and I wouldn’t even mind all the blood…actually, that I would love to feel the blood as it drained out of him. I must have shown something odd in my expression, because he ended his tirade early and looked a little shaken.
I lingered over the thought of how sweet it would be for a few minutes longer, and then started packing my bags.
I know that I could do it, and I know that under the right circumstances that I would be glad that I had done it, but I didn’t like the person that living with him for four years had made me, and it was up to me to chose: become a murderer, or leave. Those were really the only two futures that I saw that day. I didn’t know what would happen if I left, but I what would happen if I didn’t.
My mom still doesn’t know why I left home, other than ‘another argument’. I felt terribly guilty leaving behind my two sisters and brother, I had been the one that had protected them. But good came of it. My mother was so hurt that I had left that it opened her eyes a little, and she kicked my stepdad out. He went into treatment to get her back, but he ended up sticking with it, and is 12 years sober and a much better person. It has improved every relationship in his life.
Me, I just learned something very hard to know about myself. Odd as it sounds, I think that those years were worth it. I know what I’m capable of and I know why.
Never thought I could do it. I always assumed that my pacifist nature would take over any perceived threat to self, that intellectual reasoning and discussion would avoid the situation from ever arising.
Now I’m married and have two kids.
I realized shortly after my oldest son was born that I could do it. Without blinking an eye I could do it, to protect him, my wife, myself, my family. Not only could I do it, but I could do it without hesitation and without remorse. A strange realization to come to but oddly comforting as well.
I could kill, easily and without remorse, to protect my family.
Tristan, never forget that when you hate someone, they control you.
It is easier to forget and to go on with your life, than it is to carry hatred with you each and every day of your life. Not to forgive, but to forget. Believe me, I know.
Given the “right” situation, I have the knowledge to end life with no modern inventions. No gun, no knife, no rope, nothing like that.
My hands. As much as “death moves” and such, or how to kill a man with your bare hands … as much as those things are discussed, the number of people who have that knowledge and can use it is rather smaller than you might think.
I wonder how much of my extreme aversion to actual, physical violence is learned so I won’t want to end someone’s life. I don’t like the person I become when I’m hurting someone I care about even passably.
In my less stable days I used to fantasize about painful deaths befalling those who made my life less than amusing. Notice me not going into detail here (for good reasons).
It would take a lot for the proper situation to arise. And, truth be told, I’d prefer that it not come up because of the intense pain it would cause.
We are all capable of killing - the modern armies depend on that fact, taking ordinary young humans and turning them into mindless killers (sorry military, but, for all the talk about “illegal orders”, the training IS to kill on command).
“taking ordinary young humans and turning them into mindless killers”
Right … there’s certainly no planning or strategy that goes on behind any military offensive. The President just says “Hey, dump a buncha guys with guns on the mekong delta!” and watches them shoot and kill instantly.
I think the term ‘mindless killers’, which I’ve heard used rather often in relation to the army, refers more to a mindlessness about killing than to a lack of planning and strategy, etc. That is, that the brains of the soldiers become so inured to death that it is, seriously, not even a part of their mind anymore.
That said, I disagree with that too. I don’t see soldiers as emotionless droids who can kill and not even think about it. I’m sure some people like that exist, but certainly nowhere near the majority.
And, finally, I do think I could kill someone. Quite honestly, it’s never occured to me that I wouldn’t be able to. Someone’s going after my family, my loved ones, my friends, I’m going to do what it takes to stop them, up to and including the permanantly extreme. In a case like that, the regret I would feel would only be that I was forced to take a life.
Of course it has to be pointed out that all this is just theories floating around in my head, as I’ve never actually killed anyone, and don’t plan to. As with so many other things in life, the experience could easily turn out to be VERY different than expected.