Where's my fucking ESP, dammit!

Getting ready to go to work this morning, I filled my pockets with the usual: wallet, keys, and some coinage in case I buy anything. As I go to slip the change in my pocket, I get distracted, and a couple of coins clatter to the floor. A dime falls, and come to rest on its edge between to floorboards in our hardwood floor, so that it is standing straight up in the air, neither heads nor tails. Pretty Cool, I thought to myself, and I left it there for posterity andgot into the car for the drive to work.

On the drive, I recalled an old Outer Limits/Twilight Zone episode with Bewitched’s Darren Stevens, who threw a dime to a paper boy and it landed on it’s edge, which gave him the ability to read minds.

Where’s my ESP, dammit!! It’s not fair, my dime fell on it’s edge just like that show, and I don’t have ESP. And it really could’ve come in handy today. What the hell is that SUV driving fuck doing in the left lane going 5 miles under the speed limit and never getting over? If I had ESP, I could figure out where he lived, and have a truck full of manure delivered to his front step. Which way is the judge leaning on the motion in limine that was presented to him this morning? I could’ve figured it out and maybe convince him to deny it right off the bat. And what the hell is my wife thinking when she tells me she wants me to come home early? If it’s for a little afternoon delight, I’m there in a split second, but if it’s to frame the window in the bathroom, I’d rather finish up my work.

I got fucking ripped off by the Powers that Be. I WANT MY ESP!!!

[sub]I will make one prediction though: somebody will post an answer, probably including relevant facts, of whether it was a Twilight Zone episode, or an Outer Limits episode.[/sub]

No-no-no.

What youwant is your MTV.

Try to keep your lines straight, Hamlet.

You develop telepathy by strengthening your empathy to the Nth degree. (Try saying that five times fast!)

And it may not be worth it – think of a poster that annoys you immensely – do you really want to be able to read his/her thoughts?

I can empathize.

I’ve never forgiven Professor Xavier for the fact that puberty came and went and I never did get any cool powers out of the deal.

That’s kinda splitting hairs, don’t cha think?

I have ESP.

You are feeling… feeling… wait… doubt!

The question is, which darren Stevens was it? If it was Darren #1, then you’ve got a case. If it was Darren #2, well…you’re pretty fucked, boyo.

My lack of ESP got me in trouble at work once. Well, specifically, it was when I emailed half the bigge shottes in the company informing them that the reason I hadn’t fulfilled their requirements before I knew what they were was that my Miss Cleo mind reading kit hadn’t arrived yet.

They didn’t take that well. Luckily, my boss thought it was funny as hell.

I’ve always wanted telepathy. Of course, I would like it to come equipped with an on/off switch.

Man, that’s EERIE! It was Twilight Zone, season 2, the episode entitled A Penny For Your Thoughts, starring Darren #1 Dick York.

Can you give me some lottery numbers now?