Uh, dude, you do realize that she’s thirteen? Even for a high schooler, that’s pretty young.
And can someone refresh my memory who Beatrice is?
Benedick’s girlfriend (eventually) in “Much Ado About Nothing”.
A. Marry? - I’m going to have to join the Benedick bandwagon because, really, he’s the male character that seems the least insane/temperamental.
B. Have a brief, but exciting fling with before breaking up and never speaking to them again? - I’ll have to go with Hamlet; Romeo is passionate and fickle enough to not care if he’s a one-nighter, but he’s a bit younger than Hamlet, I think.
C. Want as a family member? (specify your relationship to them. Parent, sibling, their child etc) - I reckon being King Lear’s daughter would benefit me financially.
D. Want as a college roommate? - Well, my11th graders just saw the Laurence Fishburne/Ken Branagh version of Othello; Branagh’s interpretation of Iago cracked me up at the right moments; he’s amusingly, evilly clever. I’d just have to remember to never leave my stuff all over the bathroom sink or piss him off in some other way. If I’m required a same-sex roomie, then I’ll pick Emilia.
E. Really have hated in high school? - Tybalt
Seriously, all you Benedick girls who haven’t read it yet, get thee to Love’s Labour’s Lost! Berowne is like Benedick’s Good Twin: all of the cleverness and snark, plus heaps more self-awareness (you can’t tell me that living with Benedick wouldn’t lead to some major communication issues, considering his habitual trips down de Nile) and better poetry.
YES, BETTER! 
A. Viola
B. Miranda
C. Caesar Augustus would make a fine uncle.
D. Prince Henry. It would be wild but worth it.
E. Caliban or Iago.
B. Petruchio. Definately.
D. Puck. Who could be more fun?
E. The grave differ from Hamlet. He was so exact! He would have driven me nuts!
A. Marry?–THis is hard. I don’t really like any of the men in the comedies, and obviously the guys in the tragedies have their own issues…I guess Sebastian from Twelfth Night–he’ll marry anybody, apparently, and he’s pretty agreeable.
B. Have a brief, but exciting fling with before breaking up and never speaking to them again?–Mark Antony (Julius Caesar, I haven’t read Antony and Cleopatra yet.) It’s probably because when I think of him, I see Marlon Brando.
C. Want as a family member? (specify your relationship to them. Parent, sibling, their child etc)–Like somebody upthread, I’d want to adopt Young Lucius. Poor little guy.
D. Want as a college roommate? Beatrice. She seems like a fun girl to hang out with.
E. Really have hated in high school?–Ahh, how could I pick just one? Thersides (Troilus and Cressida). I think of all the Fools, he’s the most mean-spirited.
Marry? Lady Macbeth. She’s a devoted wife and you can count on her to help you do anything.
Have a fling with? Edmund. I like the bad boys.
Family member? Prospero as an uncle.
College roommate? Antonio from Merchant. He’s the model of a devoted friend.
Have really hated in high school? Malvolio. His combination of stupidity and arrogance would seriously annoy me in real life.
And if same-sex marrige is allowed, then Antonio from Twelfth Night. He’s definitely gay, as well as loving and faithful.
[quote=quartz]
C. Caesar Augustus would make a fine uncle.[/quartz]
But stay on Livia’s good side, or hire a food-taster! 
I don’t remember any Antonio in Twelfth Night. Who was he?
Probably Rosalind. Ophelia’s interesting, but you’d have Polonius as a father-in-law – it just ain’t worth it!
Iago’s wife Emilia in Othello comes across as one desperate housewife! But you wouldn’t want to keep it going very long – it’s wayy too dangerous to piss off Iago!
Cordelia would make a good daughter, for obvious reasons.
Fallstaff! Just imagine what he must have been like at 18-21! Party all the time! (But be careful to keep your wallet in a locked drawer!)
So many to choose from . . . Tybalt from R&J would top the list, he’s such a damned arrogant bully. So is Henry Hotspur from Henry IV. And Lady MacBeth must have been one insufferable mean-teen-bitch – the kind who would resort to absolutely anything to win Homecoming Queen.
Sebastian’s pirate captain friend who, I agree with gobear, was gayer than the oft-references treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.
Yep. I’m writing a paper on this very subject right now.
I really like poor Antonio.
Definitely allowed. You know the bard himself would have been all for it
Actually, Twelfth Night has as its center a woman wooing a woman pretending to be a man.
I wonder if the Orgel quote refers to the fact that in the original production they would both have been played by male actors? Wouldn’t surprise me – I know he’s done a book on the various implications of single-sex casting on the Elizabethan stage (it’s called Impersonations, and is generally pretty good. Come to think of it I wonder if the quote pepperlandgirl posted isn’t from that book…)
I would say, too, that the relationship of Antonio and Bassanio in The Merchant of Venice is probably about equally direct in its homoeroticism – in Shakespeare’s source, as I recall, Antonio’s equivalent was more of a father figure to Bassanio’s equivalent (he may have been a godfather or something, I forget), and Shakespeare leaves that particular detail out.
(No, I don’t know what it is about the name Antonio. ;))
A. Marry?
Hrm. Good question. I’d kinda like to say Beatrice. Any woman with a razor wit like that… happy sigh
B. Have a brief, but exciting fling with before breaking up and never speaking to them again?
Desdemona. For personal reasons. Or Titania… But only if Oberon -never- found out.
C. Want as a family member? Uncle Prospero (before he became bitter and cynical).
D. Want as a college roommate? Horatio. 100 per cent. Despite certain literary criticism, the guy is a friend to the end, and a heck of a scholar.
E. Really have hated in high school? Stefano. Drunken obnoxious jerk who thinks nothing of turning on his friends.
(Caveat- I’m probably going to change this list when I’ve had more than 10 minutes to think about it!)
Marry?
Hmm… I’m not a real Shakespeare scholar, and haven’t really reread the plays much, but actually like Katharine
Have a brief, but exciting fling with before breaking up and never speaking to them again?
Lady MacBeth. You just know she’s got to be a terror in the sheets with all her drive and passion. 
And then I’m running away to someplace safe, like Siberia.
Want as a family member? (specify your relationship to them. Parent, sibling, their child etc)
Puck, as a cousin. A not-very-frequently-visited cousin.
Want as a college roommate?
A young Richard. Before he takes the crown and goes evil. (Or was that goes evil then takes the crown?) A biting wit, and plenty of cash for funding parties.
Really have hated in high school?
Hamlet, Rosencrantz, Guilderstern, most of the characters in Romeo and Juliet…
I assume you’re talking about Richard III, because Richard II would be waaaayyy too whiny to endure for more than 5 minutes without popping him in the jaw. One bad grade, and he’d want to sit upon the ground and tell sad tales of the deaths of students.
Hah!
For God’s sake, let us sit upon the ground
And tell sad stories of the death of students;
How some have been flunked; some bombed their tests,
Some haunted by the grad students they have plagiarized;
Some driven mad by their roommates: some sleeping in;
All failed: for within the hallowed walls
That trap the mortal bodies of a student
Keeps professors their court and there the sadists sit,
Scoffing his circumstance and grinning at his pomp,
Allowing him a breath, a little scene,
To study, eat nachos and write papers,
Infusing him with self and vain conceit,
As if this flesh which walls about our life,
Were brass impregnable, and humour’d thus
Comes at the last and with a little pin
Bores through his dorm-room wall, and farewell student!
Yes, gobear, I did mean Richard III, not II.
And Tracy Lord, egads, did you have to do that?