I’m currently recovering from being overworked. As I slowly return to my former activities, I wonder if I will ever be my old self. The self that did it all. The job, the marriage, the kid, the household, the social stuff, the hobbies. I did it with increasing levels of crankiness and stress, but I sorta did it.
I don’t think I can get back to doing it all. I’m not sure if I want to. Right now I my Neurotic side seems to be the real me, and my task seems to be to choose a life I can handle, given my limitations.
My husband, of course, hopes and expects me to get back to my old self. He sees Neurotic me as temporary, as a nuisance, and not what he signed up for at all.
It would be a simpler question if I broke a leg. Then the real me is the two legged one; during revalidation I have limitations, and afterwards it will be clear how much I’ve recovered.
But with psychological limitations, the situation is less clear. Recovery is never as clear or as complete as with a broken leg.
Which leads me to the question in the OP. I wonder what the Dopers thoughts are on this.
Both my neurotic side and my well functioning side are me, just one gets stuff done and the other mopes. It is okay to worry sometimes but when I let it take over my life it doesn’t feel productive. Being true to oneself necessitates appreciating the limited time we have and using it to the best of our abilities. I know it isn’t that easy most days but on the days that it is, without the mental anguish, I see as more authentic.*
*Existential dread probably covers 2/3 days but it’s the other third that matter, I feel.
People change over time, and needs and wants change as a result. While “I don’t label them like that”, sticking to your terminology, my feeling is that when the “neurotic” side surfaces strongly, it is an indication that current needs and wants are not being properly fulfilled. Both “healthy” and “neurotic” are equally genuine, but rather than being “sides” to ones personality, these facets exist on a continuum. I think it’s only when we don’t pay sufficient attention to “slightly neurotic”, that slightly neurotic morphs into full-blown neurotic. But by the same token, when needs and wants are fulfilled, “slightly healthy” can morph in to full-on “healthy” without you even noticing it.
Expecting a person to maintain the same desires indefinitely seems unreasonable to me.
Supermom is a total neurotic, plus she’s usually not really all that super.
I don’t promise I succeed, but I try to keep my sides relatively close to each other. My neurotic side is the one I wish I hadn’t, but it’s as much a part of me as every other side. I’m aiming to be a sphere, cos they have infinite sides and are good at rolling about.
It used to be my healthy side felt like the real me. Depression and anxiety felt like things that interfered with the healthy side, that were an exception to the true me. Now I think it’s the other way around. So much so that when I am feeling happy and healthy, it makes me suspicious.