hmmm… against a charging dog, cop friends advise the knee-up kick. they say don’t try to maneuver but stand your ground because the dog is more agile. it’s a flying mouth full of sharp teeth.
a chimp charges on all fours but could spring and take a swipe at you with either its hands or its mouth. they say a conditioned man can actually outrun it (this true?)
If I really wanted to be Captain-Dig-In-My-Heels I’d note that adult duikers and suni are within the right size range to be taken and it has been speculated that they can and might. 'course they’re tiny little things, so that is hardly much of an argument.
But you’re right that there isn’t anything to back up that notion in those papers and on further poking around it appears they don’t ( of if they do it is rare ). Apparently the upper size limit appears to be around 20 Kg or less than 50 lbs. I concede the point :).
Tsk. Nitpicker ;). They’re larger ungulates so I grouped them with the the two antelopes. You can apparently add warthogs and suni antelope ( another little duiker-sized critter ) to the list as well. But while bushpigs do get preyed upon at reasonable rates, it does appear it is piglets or sub-adults that need to be wary.
Yeah A human possibly would have a chance, and I will tell you why. There are reasons to why Chimps are 10 times physically stronger than human’s. Human’s are Intelligent and we lack strength many century’s ago we used to have that type of strength but now we don’t because we traded Brute strength for Intelligence which is an awesome trade, we got smarter and lost a lot brute strength. There are cases to where WOMEN were able to lift up a 1,500 ibs car saving their children in accidents. This is called Fight to Flight Response basically what happens is when our body is under a lot of pressure Adrenaline is released into the blood stream making us one deadly predator at any means you will do what ever it takes to survive using Intelligence plus brute strength. Now think about if a Mix Martial artist who is 205 Ibs all muscle and he went threw that there is a chance that he will kill the chimp. People please stop saying that chimps Get a lot more aggresive angry than a Human because the fact is they don’t not even close.
Can you produce any evidence for that?
There was a scientist doing research along those lines…a Dr. Banner I believe. I never heard what happened with that.
I hear he went off the wall with some illegal drug and radiation therapy experiments and had to flee to Azerbaijan or something.
I don’t think anyone has mentioned yet in this thread that fights to the death between comparable-sized animals are extremely rare in the wild. You don’t need to kill the chimp to win; you just need to convince it that beating you will be more trouble than it’s worth. If you’re good at bluff and bravado, this might not require you landing even a single blow.
Of course, it’ll also vary with circumstances how much trouble the chimp thinks it’s worth. If you’re threatening its young, for example, it might decide that it’s worth a lot of trouble indeed. Which gets back to the “don’t do that” category.
Well Yes I’m pretty sure Mr. Slant I mean I have seen some crazy things in my life Homie. My cousin had serious Anger Issues he had to go to anger management for a while. But i visited there and these people are really crazy beyond this one guy named Kyle got so pissed off. He was going crazy Screaming in Agony throwing and breaking stuff it lasted for like and hour until he finally calmed down i was like sitting there in shock like WTF is wrong with this guy is he mentally retarded lol.
^And shit.
The difference being that if Kyle had been a chimpanzee he would have bitten your nuts off and done other unkind things.
Given how common these kinds of threads are, and how infeasible it is to test out the proposition in real life, I wonder why some of the less-unrealistic video game series like Fight Night and UFC haven’t included a chimp or orangutan as an optional (probably unlockable) opponent.
There have been studies on their strength and movement like the ones posted here, so it should be possible (though admittedly difficult) to model them more-or-less accurately. Ethically gathering data on things like how they react to blows might be problematic, but there’s a huge amount of documentary footage of apes in the wild for developers to draw on.
I think a lot of gamers would find the prospect entertaining, even if the vast majority of fights only lasted a couple of seconds. The face-and-genitalia-eating parts might have to be censored a bit though.
Awesome.
There are very few situations where humans can outrun an animal that is chasing them unless we have a significant head start. We simply don’t have the sprint speed. The averagte chimp has a sprint speed of 25 mph the average human has a sprint speed of closer to 15 mph (4 minute mile pace).
THIS! Jump in the water, go out about half a pool length and watch the chimps drown trying to reach you.
Very few chimps can swim very well if at all. They aren’t built for it like we are.
Incidentally, the whole swimming thing s a good idea for getting away from a lot of animals. I probably couldn’t handle a pitbull on land but in a pool I can drown one with little to no problem.
Yeah, cuz chimpanzees aren’t very acrobatic at all.
Whatever the martial art is where it teaches the double-temple hook punch. That’s a KO for sure.
(Sorry, I just can’t get over that joke.)
I vote for Sprinting.
What? You can do it with no arms…
All this talk of chimps eating your genitals, but humas will eat your face!!!
What about zombie chimps? How tough are they?
Once my son and I were walking around the block and a dog ran up to us, barking. My son quickly sang, “Happy Birthday” to it. The dog’s owner came and took it away. I asked my son why he’d sung that song.
“Because if he thinks it’s his birthday, he’ll look around for cake and presents instead of biting me.”
Seems like it’s about as likely to work against a chimp as anything else that’s been suggested that doesn’t involve weaponry. (The dog didn’t bite us, after all.)
I’ve read of a few instances of people killing dangerous animals - a grizzly bear in Wyoming, a leopard in Kenya - by shoving a fist and forearm down the animal’s throat.
This surprised me as a tactic since I thought us upright-walking humans were practically the only creature on the planet with a combination windpipe and food-pipe, making it possible to choke to death quickly via asphyxiation from something going in the mouth (as opposed to getting strangled via external pressure on the windpipe, like what lions do). And indeed, in both of those cited cases, the animal was immobilized by the fist-and-arm-in-throat maneuver and killed by secondary means.
But would this work against a chimp? I think not. You’re still within reach of those arms and hands tearing off your ears and gouging at your eyes while you’re trying to kill him off with one arm/hand rammed down his throat. I would imagine that the fact that chimps have elbows and hands and really strong forearms and fingers (where bears and leopards don’t) make this a losing strategy in a way that wasn’t true with the bear and the leopard.
None of this would work against zombie chimps.