Hey, you are already taken. The only one you should be looking at to see if it shows is Montfort. And I’m sure you already know the answer to that.
I originally wasn’t going to post to this thread, but after Cap’n Crude’s revelation, I’m compelled to admit that I also am of the telescoping variety. When not deployed, my little pal is quite small, about 1", but when ‘on maneuvers’ he is above average in length, and, if wifey can be believed, has a sparkling personality. 
I mention this simply because I’m curious as to how many of us there are out there. I just always assumed there were ‘variations’. I really haven’t been paying that much attention at the gym.
Thank you, Cap’n Crude for striding out and admitting to being “telescoping”. I’ll certainly remember that term, as it accurately describes me as well. I s’pose the nautical term for the natural resting place of my equipment would be “tucked in the hold”.
No real hanging at all, just kind of sits to the front. Which I actually am learning to appreciate, considering how ridiculous a penis looks when not in the “up and ready” position. All things considered (including the difficulties stated in the OP) it strikes me as extremely efficient to be able to tuck it well away when not in use. The only challenge is keeping the surroundings well trimmed so as to not overgrow. Don’t want to not be able to see the tree for the forest.
Not to mention the significant difference between the size “at rest” and the size “at play”. Upon first encountering it, my SO was suitably amazed at the transformation. Likened it to “The Incredible Hulk”, a comparison I certainly didn’t object to. Though I don’t think David Banner undergoes a twelve-fold to fourteen-fold size increase. 
[sub]…and before y’all start snickering, no it does NOT turn green. More reddish-purplish…[/sub]
Really!
I mean “weighing anchor to port”, and “telescoping”…
Thanks for letting me know my ‘nads aren’t the only ones hangin’ in the wind!
Quasi
In the middle! sob
Naw. Just kiddin’.
To the left.
For those of you with way too much time on your hands and extensive SF libraries, check out the cover art for the original edition of Cyborg, by Martin Caidin. The Six-Million-Dollar-Man dresses to the left, as well.
I know I’m taken,
but I’m alloud to look,
not touch,
so is he.
Yay for telescopers (or turtles…I like that)! I’ve been afraid forever that I was seriously mutated or something…they just don’t take pretty pictures of soft growers. sigh
jayjay (who’s still a little jealous of show-ers)
laughs Looks like ‘telescopic’ might catch on…
“Why, yes, I’ve got an eight-inch refractor.”
Left, and it shows. (pictures available upon request ;))
Can I have their phone numbers? Please??
My husband claims his belly is, in fact, spare pecker. So is that what you telescopers do - retract it and pack it high??
Heheh, I like that expression, though the term I am familiar with is “freedoggin’”.
Yours,
TheLoadedDog, Pecker Sinister.
Yet another telescoper checking in. Average+ when in use, but man-oh-man! when not in use it looks like I just took a dip in the mountain stream…Wife absolutely loves this- “It’s so cute!” obviously is meant to be a compliment, but the masculine side of me has problems with owning a ‘cute’ penis. Getting head from someone talking cute-talk is also disturbing. But somehow I manage!
-Tcat
[slight hijack]
No, on second thoughts, i’ll do it in [url=“http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=74075”]another thread - Which one hangs lower?
This gentleman dresses to the left BTW.
I hang down, most of the time. Interesting, but guys with huge pricks show less than those with smaller items, I guess they tuck it in their back pocket.
‘Male Jiggle’ it’s called. I think that after a guy is 50 it’s not very exciting to women but what would I know? Is it?
In that case I’m ahem hung like a horse.
(I like this husband of yours FCM.)
My college sweetheart had never seen a limp pecker before(lucky girl), so I was willing to oblige her curiosity. She associated it with a “slug”, that garden slimy thing. Then a minute later she called it a “slugger” (Louisville style), and her feminine area became, naturally, “sluggee”.
Be that as it may, I lay left, when in repose, and slightly to the right while not reposing in the least.
When I was younger, I used to love to show off the package in a pair of tight jeans.
And now that I’m older, I tend to give the “Do ya MIND?!” look to anyone who’s peekin.
Oh, and it’s “to the left”.