I’m sorry, but this thread is just cracking me up. BWAHAHAHAHA! I, too, find it difficult to imagine carrying that tackle around and dealing with it every day.
But then you run the danger of swinging Tarzan rats. Menace to society they are. Took me a month to recover.
You beat me to it. 
He’s Jewish so I guess that’s already been taken care of.
Elaine: Have you ever seen one?
Jerry: You mean that wasn’t -
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: No… you?
Elaine: Ya.
Jerry: What’d you think?
Elaine: (SHAKES HER HEAD) No…
Jerry: Not good?
Elaine: No, had no face, no personality, very dull. It was like a Martian.
=================================================
JERRY: Alright! You win! That car was my last germ-free
sanctuary. I slept there last night! Now, for the love of God, please, what is
it? What is it?! [that got dipped in the toilet bowl]
JENNA: Toilet brush.
JERRY: Toilet brush, oh. All right, I can replace that.
This. I got a free toilet when building my house. It had a round bowl. It didn’t last a week.
All those views of this thread are the Lady Dopers wondering what the holy hell the guys are talking about now. Things dipping while sitting on the toilet? Things touching the inside of the bowl? But…but…the insides of toilets are dirty!
That’s odd, certain types of elongated bowls are the only times I run into porcelain problems (as opposed to the occasional water problem.) Elongated bowls have a lip that doesn’t have a very sharp dropoff, so if you don’t sit as far back as possible you might be sitting over a very shallow porcelain area (at least in the elongated bowls I’ve experienced.)
Agreeing with WhyNot: me neither. Good job, guys. We knew you weren’t necessarily that clean, but those of you who admitted that it touches the toilet or the water have completely ruined it for all the rest. I had never even thought about this before and now I am completely disgusted!
I’m thirding the notion that I neither hold it nor let it touch the inside nor shit on the seat. What kind of toilets are you using? I’m thinking that you holders are overweight or in some crazy region of the states. I’m only 5’6" 140, so perhaps that explains it. You guys that are grabbing yourselfs (ick), how heavy are you?
I’d also like to millionth the notion that double-stream pissing is the worst. There’s just no win. You go left, you soak right. You go right, you soak left. God forbid you get the dreaded up/down combo. Ridiculously unstable. Just when you lean in to get both of them in the bowl, they unite into a totally different direction.
I don’t worry about it at home because I clean the toilet twice a week and shower every other day and I’m not getting laid anyways so it’s no big deal.
Out in public I do take precautions.
Oh, that’s nothing. Something like 30% of US men don’t wash their hands after using a public bathroom. Cite
So, and I hope you’ll forgive me for having an opinion when I don’t have a penis, but I don’t get it. Yes, I actually spent time thinking about this while on the crapper, and for me to sit so that said crap actually goes in the crapper, my hypothetical junk would be up on *top *of the front of the toilet seat. Is that right? That’s not so bad at all. I just don’t see where there’s room for junk to hit the inside of the bowl on a standard round seat and not shit all over the seat!
Yes, add me to the list of ladies who never before considered this possibility. :eek:
And what’s this double-stream business?
Yeah, seriously now, are you whooshing us ladies or does this really happen?
Nope, very real. Since the hole is so small, sometimes when things get, shall we say, discombobulated, it can cause the pee to come out in various ways. This is why after sex, we might end up peeing on the floor of your bathroom (don’t worry, we’re also embarassed about it and unless we’re total jerks, we wipe it up for you).
Occasionally, the discombobulation extends so far as to interfering with the path just before or at the opening. When this happens, it can result in a double stream. It happens most when something’s stuck there (think having sex and then falling asleep wearing boxers-- probably got some lint glued on there in the morning), but occasionally for other reasons too.
Unless of course this makes you not want to have sex with us, in which case this was also a total fabrication.
I know this will start some sort of infinite interdimentional logic loop for some of you, but when you might be concerned about a double stream- SIT DOWN!
Keep the unit high and dry.
Why the hell did the thread title have to say ‘most’?
A double piss stream is bad because it is impossible to make the toilet happy. You have to pick a stream (hopefully the larger one) and work with it. However, its little minion is busy soaking the wall, your clothes, or a whole roll of toilet paper. Sometimes it will just fix itself but you have no idea how long that will be so there is no way to figure out the best strategy to minimize collateral damage.
However, there is one that is worse than that. The pee hard-on proves there was no Intelligent Design. When you most need to go badly, like the morning after heavy drinking, you get this hard-on that will not go away. Nature built the male penis so that it isn’t easy to pee with a hard-on. Most guy’s dicks point up a little when erect and that is not the direction you generally want when peeing. Pushing it down hurts and could cause damage yet you have to pee so you have to do some type of contortions. I find it much easier just to find a bathtub or, better yet, a dedicated shower. I was clocked once at over 5 minutes of straight peeing with a pee hard-on. The stream can get constrained and small and you have to factor that into the equation as well when you pick a solution.
A somewhat similar phenomenon is “Blue Balls”. I have actually heard people debate whether it really exists and come to the consensus that it is just a way to fool women into further sexual activity. I wanted to go over the table. When I first met my wife in college, neither of us were very experienced and took things just barely slower than usual. I would get blue balls so bad that something had to be done whether it was by her or me. When the relief came (pun intended) I can only describe it like this. Imagine a water gun, not one of the big ones but one of those really cheap small plastic ones. It was just like firing one of those puppies off at a shallow angle. I am not joking when I say that the next task was quickly cleaning the ceiling before her roommate got home. I am much older now and I doubt that I can get blue balls again although I would be open to it if the outcome is right.
Maybe men have different thighs than us? Their hip angle is different, remember. I guess I think of the “junk”, as it were, as sitting atop my thigh area while keeping my legs together (something that, by the way, men seem CATEGORICALLY INCAPABLE OF. Why exactly do you sit like fucking chimpanzees? Not to hijack.) and I don’t see how there’s any danglage. I mean, when a man rides a horse properly there’s no “danglage” - the equipment stays “front” and “upwards”. Right?
The problem is that there’s no way of telling. 99.99% of the time, everything’s fine. Then one morning, you wake up, shuffle into the bathroom, get in to position…and something goes sideways.
Note that it is impossible (or at least very very difficult) to pee into a toilet while sitting with a hard on. This is when the most double streams occur.
A solution for all: get a urinal. I’ve mentioned this on the boards once before, but I have one here in Japan, where they don’t have the stigma of “gross public bathroom object,” and it’s made me happier than I ever thought something that I pee on would make me happy.
I still occasionally miss (during the “why is it randomly coming out sideways” times), but far less often than when I pee in toilets. If I ever have the opportunity to design/construct a house for myself, I’m definitely putting one of these in. Men, your new wife doesn’t want one in your new dream home? Too bad-- it’s not like your damn college beer mirror that’s going to disappear to the basement and never return; it’s a fact of life.
Urinal pride! Urinals for president '08!
Actually Shag, when you think about it, the body’s probably telling you that you shouldn’t drink way too much of anything, because it’s bad for your bladder (if nothing else). So it’s tough to pee, making you less likely to want to do that.
Whatever-- I’d still rather have the beer. Hence the urinal solution!
This will probably be received about as well as a claim of spotting Bigfoot, but on several occasions I’ve had a triple-stream. If you squat a bit to bring the point of origination closer to the opening of the bowl, you can get them all in without destroying the bathroom. Keep peeing, and three will become two, then two will become one. It’s like the Holy Trinity of Urination.