A visit to check things out sounds great. But just packing up and moving without a plan sounds terrible.
Thanks for all the replies- even the hypercritical ones are very helpful!
There are some things I am not mentioning and others which I have slightly altered, as this is a public message board, and the responses I am getting fit exactly into the category of things I want to know.
I will respond in more detail later, but I wanted to thank you all! I am planning on an extended visit next summer with the family, and will do some exploratory job searches at that time.
In case it appeared so, this is not something I/we are rushing into- any proposed move would be a minimum of 1 year in the future; more likely two would be needed to smooth the way.
Thanks much, and keep the knowledge coming!
You need to not just explore job prospects, but investigate what it would be like to actually live there. When you’re travelling, you tend to spend way more on a daily basis than you would be able to sustain. Spending more money and staying with friends and relatives insulates you from the reality of day to day living. What kind of bureaucracy is involved in finding a place to live? Where will you shop? How will you get around? What will you do for entertainment and information? The cultural quirks that seem charming or stimulating on a visit of a month or so can become very fatiguing over the long run – even most people who enjoy living as an expat in a less developed country feel that way.
Hi all-
So, in brief, I want to say that I appreciate the responses greatly.
Just a bit of background about me in order to set the perception a bit more true- I am one of those guys that was impulsive and crazy enough in my youth to be viewed as very crazy.
I have in the past decade, become much LESS so, and have been able to retain the job I have because of it, but only barely in a couple of instances. That is why I appreciate the fact that I have it, and why I have thought about how difficult it might be to get another even close to it…
My childhood was spent on a farm with no running water, no electricity, no telephone, etc. We had a shovel and a roll of toilet paper. We had goats, chickens, dogs, cats, etc. My mom would send me out of doors to start a fire in the campfire set up from stacked rocks and grills so that she could cook breakfast. We would bathe once a week by heating water from the hand pump on the wood-stove, or in the summer we would take turns throwing well water on each other from buckets and lathering in between bucketsful.
We just returned from my mother’s farm in the Ozarks, where, on a walk to swim naked in the creek, my mom stepped just off the path, mid sentence, and squatted, lifting her skirt slightly, while continuing to speak to my girlfriend, and peed.
My girlfriend’s mother’s first question on hearing that we were serious about one another was ‘why aren’t you two living together if you live so close together?’ with no thought of marriage.
So we did! We also plan on getting engaged sometime in the next year, and being engaged for a very very long time. We may get married sooner if legalities would be eased, but otherwise, engagement is fine.
She left India to get away from her childhood and from some of her family. Returning after a very long time, she has realized how much she’s missed the closeness of her family, in spite of the bad relationships which are also there. She would now like to be closer to them, and she thinks I would be fine there. They are very welcoming to me, and I have corresponded with her mother and her sister.
These things are to indicate that I am quite the crazy person- many of my friends express amazement that I have not yet become an expatriate- as they have known that I have had that rather vague urge since I was in my teens. I haven’t wanted to let go of my cherry of a job, and so have maintained my position here in the ultraliberal SF Bay Area…
Also to indicate that her family seems to welcome the thought of me becoming part of their family- although as with any family, I am sure some of it will suck, and I won’t like all of them, nor they me.
The reason I asked about the job, specifically, is that I have considered all these things, and more, and while I know that there are many things I don’t know my reaction to, or that I may have overlooked, many of these are things that simply won’t be decided until I experience them. I theoretically will be okay with the poverty, the begging, the driving, the different bathroom skills, etc; but I shan’t know if I can live with it until I try.
But yes, a long vacation (or a couple of them) are definitely in order before we move. She is open to NOT moving there, she has just expressed the desire. Before her vacation, I had mentioned that I would like to think about ‘someday’ moving there, and she was adamant against it. After her return, she had a different mindset, and she wants to spend more time IN her culture and with her family.
Are there big red flags? Yes! There are always big red flags in any major change… otherwise we would all take huge risks all the time! She could change her mind, I could change my mind, we could break up, I could die of cancer, we could both decide to join a convent/monastary after sex changes…
I don’t see any big red flags that I wouldn’t be able to deal with, presuming that I get a decent job and that we take our time in getting there.
I want to make visits and I want to get the best job I can. I DO bring a pretty good skill-set to the table. I have years of management and call center and tech support experience, and I am good at all of them. I think that there are probably many others who live there who would have just as much skill, but the job I would expect to get probably would be that ‘showcase the American’ job in a management or leadership position. I might not get it, and I might just have to settle for a lower spot- that is another question I am asking!
I have not been job seeking, but many of the jobs on offer I am well qualified for. My girlfriend has never been a white man in that particular section of the job market, so her responses are based on her experiences and people she has known. Her family is very successful, mother and sister own their own (very different) businesses, and her father is retired, but still very active and successful in a few different ventures- so there are connections possibly available to me in that regard as well, although I would much rather bootstrap myself up (or hoist myself by my own petard 
) than come in to the family asking for favors…
So, again- anyone have ideas for how long it would take me to get a position, whether what I aspire to on the upper levels, or even in lower supervisory positions? So far I have only noted advice on whether to, or how to, effect the transition to that society, but I haven’t seen the question directly answered.
I likely wouldn’t take a job that wasn’t at least overseeing a few positions, and would probably strike out in a different field altogether if I wasn’t able to find fitting employment…
Thanks for the responses, but if we could get some answers to the questions posed, about jobs, length of time to get said jobs, and salaries that would provide decent livings…
Oh, and I understand that ‘help’ like maids and cooks is considered normal, but I thought that stating that sort of thing wasn’t expected/required would help me avoid getting flack over being ‘upper class oriented.’ Guess that supposition kind of backfired in the case of **lindsaybluth’s **advice…
I have only two words of advice: Birth Control.
If you go over, and don’t like it, and she wants to stay, OK, you two have a decision to make. You will almost certainly have to get married in order to live together there. (Not by law, but her Dad will come for you - really.)
If you go over, and don’t like it, and you have a child, you are looking at absolute hell for the rest of your life, either being where you don’t want to be, or missing your child. Don’t end up like that. I have a friend slowly dying of the pain as her child lives with the family in Pakistan.
I certainly hope that’s not the only thing you took to heart in my post. It is, however, good to know you’ve grown up accustomed to a squat-in-the-field situation, but it pales in comparison to the general all-around stench and garbage lurking around every corner in India. Also, having grown up that way I’m surprised you’d want to go back to it.
Either way, the tone of your post was far different than your first. That you may go there after several visits, rather than “she wants to go, guess I’m gonna go!” Doesn’t sound like you’re being as brash as you initially were.