I actually have something meaningful to contribute here, and that’s rare enough that I’m marking my calendar.
I am a desperately frustrated member of an underserved market whose dearth of entertainment fodder approaches stark famine. I’m a gay woman in a long-term relationship. You’re talking no movies, no TV, no radio, no books, no grrl bands, no bodice-rippers, no op-ed pieces. If we want to be entertained, we have to do it ourselves. And since, in the Great Cultural Split, the boys got all the writers and we got all the auto mechanics, there’s a real scarcity of writing talent among My People.
When your back’s to the wall, you come out slugging. So I started a website to teach My People how to write, in addition to doing so myself. You guys who are stalled want some advice? I’ll give you some advice.
1.) Anyone can do this. It’s true. Your human-type brain is wired for storytelling, and you cannot escape your heritage. Some of my writing clients started out in distinctly unpromising ways, and I often despaired of getting anything coherent out of them. Three of my first clients are now working on their first books.
2.) It ain’t the writing, it’s the re-writing. Here’s your (admittedly low) target: nothing can go through ten drafts and still suck. It may not look like you expected it to, but it won’t suck, and you can go from there.
3.) Work on more than one project. If one of them is a novel, start with a present-tense outline, which will enable you to do groovy things like foreshadowing and knowing why your heroine has that odd enthusiasm for Hummel figurines. Work on one project until you can’t stand the sight of it any more, then put it away. If it’s a novel, put it away for a minimum of two months and resist the temptation to look at it again in that time. While your first project is lying fallow (and you’re forgetting all about it so you can come back to it with fresh eyes), pick up your second project.
4.) Most people do not know how to edit, which is becoming a lost art. Remember this when you give your manuscript to your best skatin’ buddy for review.
5.) You standardize the grammar and spelling to make it easier on your audience, which you hope will be sizable. Not everyone reads easily or is capable of navigating a dense style with grace. This is why Theodore Dreiser is rarely read for pleasure. If you use commonly-accepted grammar and spelling, you will meet your audience halfway. I predict you will regret it if you let the reader trip over your style on the way to your story.
6.) Every plot move is a fulfillment of what came before and a promise of what is to come.
7.) It is not necessary to write what you know. This is why science fiction is possible.
8.) It is not necessary to start with a bang. If your premise is worthwhile, your reader won’t need the whizzo graphics and the stereophonic sound effects.
9.) The more you write, the better you get at it. The better you get, the more fun it will be. The more fun you have, the more that fun will leak out all over the page and infect the reader.
10.) Writing is supposed to be fun. Like sex. If it’s not fun, you’re doing something wrong. Like sex.
11.) Virtually every piece of writing advice is a matter of opinion. You want to try something innovative, bust a few preconceptions, break a few rules? Go right ahead. Ain’t no rules in a knife fight.
Honest to God, writing is the single most accessible hobby I can think of. It took me years to learn to ride a bike, but I spent a total of four months on my first novel, and it’s not half bad.
So there.
