Who are the Lamest Villains?

Cafe Society
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Anyone remember Johnny Sokko and his Flying Robot? After watching a few episodes (with a few cold ones) I did a quick search to see if the main villain, Gullotine, was on any “lamest bad guy” lists. I’m sure he is somewhere, but on the one I found he’s not listed. Not much of a shock, this show is what, 40 years old?

I’d replace some of the bad guys on the list. Anyone thats seen Johnny Sokko knows that Gullotine belongs on that list. Who are the lamest villains of all? It would take a bit of time and effort to figure it out, but right off the top of my head I can think of…

Gullotine:
Lets face it, Gullotine isn’t the only space villain to have this problem. If you have the technology and intelligence to travel intergalactic space you really shouldn’t have too much trouble conquering present day (or 1960’s) Earth. Especially when you seem to have an inexhaustable supply of henchmen and giant monsters! I mean, how could you possibly fail if you’ve got three brain cells to rub together? Even as a kid I thought his Octopus-Head Mask looked kind of stupid, but Gullotine takes the cake in the bad henchmen department. Gullotine is probably too old and obscure for many younger folks today, but at least he was a better villain than anything the Power Rangers ever had. After all, Gullotine *actually did manage to kill people * from time to time.

Old Nick:
With the exception of *The Omen, The Exorcist * and a few other “hell on Earth” movies, why is it that the Devil is never really that scary? Theres always some loophole in beating him, something that an an ordinary dude can do, like hold off until Dawn while a group of ineffective henchmen come after you or find the secret phrase in the old priest’s bible, etc. Take the ***Ghost Rider ** * movie, for example. At the end the hero, Johnny Blaze tells the devil he’s gonna use the curse put on him by Lucifer himself against him. Um…okay…why doesn’t the devil just uncurse him? Or better yet, kill him. He’s the devil! I’m betting Doctor Faust wished he had thought of this. I mean, if there was a clever twist to any of this, I missed it. That actually makes old scratch less scary than the Count from Sesame Street.

**The Lame Monster at the End of Conan the Destroyer: **
Ok, that movie sucked and it rightfully shouldn’t be called a Conan movie. But still, after putting up with the kiddie friendly version of Conan seen in the movie, you’d at least expect a big monster fight atthe end to make it worth the trouble of watching, wouldn’t you? I mean, we’ve been told that the big bad evil guy is the “Dreaming God”, right? Well, it turns out to be Andre the Giant in a terrible lobster thing costume that is surprisingly easy for Conan to kill. Seriously, I think it took longer for him to kill Wilt Chamberlain’s character than it did the monster. Talk about a let down.

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Gargamel was pretty lame.

3

Swiper the Fox, from Dora the Explorer. You simply cannot beat the lameness of a guy who comes to steal worthless trinkets out of spite and you just tell him “Swiper no swiping” and he snaps his fingers and leaves saying “Oh, man”.

4

I thought Le Chiffre from Casino Royale was unbelievably lame. Let’s see - his trademark is that he weeps blood. I mean, yeah, it’s blood, but still, he’s wweeping it. He gets his ass kicked by a bunch of two-bit African goons, and the only time he can take on 007 is when he’s got him strapped to a chair and he’s smacking him in the nuts with a whip.

Lamest Bond villain ever, IMO.

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Kevin Spacey was pretty lame in The Usual Suspects.

Oh wait, he was just pretending.

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Yeah, but Swiper makes me laugh with his “Aw man!”.

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The evil do-ers from the Scooby Doo cartoon. If some meddling kids with bad haircuts can foil your plans you should probably hang it up.

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Also, Topher Grace as Eddie Brock… lame.

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Superman-Prime is an interesting case. His abilities and kill list aren’t lame- He’s just Superman with all the powers turned up to 11. His attitude is. SM’ is a parody of the lamest, angriest comic fanboy who has ever ranted on the Internet. Except, instead of just impotently flaming strangers, he kills people horribly. Often by the planetload.

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The Riddler - his entire theme is that he tells Batman in advance what he’s going to do.

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Paste-Pot Pete. Just for his name.

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Saul Rubinek as the main villain in Death Wish V didn’t exactly ooze menace. Fuck, look at the guy. I can see him running a deli, but not a criminal empire.

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What about The Penguin? Yeah, those flightless birds have some enviable powers…

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Evil characters you can’t take seriously because they’re such losers

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The Kangaroo. He hops. Like a kangaroo.

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Darth Vader. I mean, he’s a triple-amputee who needs mechanical aid just to breath. :smiley:

OK, I jest.

I want to say Cobra Commander, but that man was damn near impossible for GI Joe to actually CAPTURE. He ALWAYS successfully retreated from the battlefield, which I’ve been told is one of the more difficult military maneuvers to pull off under fire.

17

Elmer Fudd.

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Boy, did you misunderstand that cartoon. The evil rabbit was clearly the antagonist while Fudd was just an innocent victim. Did you think the Road Runner was the good guy too?

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How about Daedalus from those old Hercules cartoons? I mean, I liked the cartoons, but Daedalus kind of sucked. Nevermind that AFIK Daedalus was a guy that made wings out of wax, feathers and stuff and watched his son Icarus plummet to the ground while using them, and that again AFIK in the myths Daedalus never even met Hercules.

The cartoon Daedalus would come up with some goofy plan (like Gargamel, he had some half starved cat as a sidekick) only to be easily thwarted by Herc and comic relief sidekick centaur Newton within five minutes. Then Hercules would drag him up Mt. Olympus screaming “OLYMPIAAAAAAA”.

Hmmm…actually maybe Daedalus was smarter than I thought. He’d be back in the next cartoon sao he must have talked Zues into letting him go.

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[quote]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peter Morris
The Riddler - his entire theme is that he tells Batman in advance what he’s going to do.

What about The Penguin? Yeah, those flightless birds have some enviable powers…
[/qute]

You guys need to look at more of the old Batmad comics and strips if you think The Riddler and The Penguin are as lame as you can get.

The Bell – a little fat, bell-shaped guy. Tried to work bells into all his schemes (naturally). Noy exactly the highest-concept idea. And he wasn’t much of a challenge, once you got past the bells.

The Toyman – old Superman villain. The guy looked even more out-of-shape than The Bell,and, of course, he always worked toys into his crimes. I don’t think the Bell made more than one or two appearances, but the Toyman was there for YEARS. Somebody loved him.