I am the guy who you think has got it too good. I’m not the hard-working guy, the nice guy, or even a worthy guy. But I’m the lucky one.
I am the guy surrounded by friends despite the fact that I’m not kind enough to approach strangers. The one wondering how lucky he is to have friends, because he couldn’t bear to be alone.
I am the guy dancing like a fool. I’m the guy with 800 mp3s who knows all the words. I’m the guy who cannot be angry, even when I should be. I’m the one who looks younger than he is.
I am the guy that refuses to be embarrassed. I’m the guy who cares more about people than animals. I’m the first man in the water and the last one out.
I am absurdly happy. Things could be a better, but my life could be much, much worse if I didn’t have luck. And above all, I’m grateful
**Narrad-**Mindless and Pointless… it’s the MP in MPIMS… hehehe
I AM
-still here, although not posting much anymore.
-a father.
-a soon to be divorced guy.
-a hoplessly stupid romantic.
-horny, at any given moment.
-the guy who doesn’t drink beer, and will tell you why.
-afraid of disappointing my kids.
-that guy who looks way to old to be sitting in the aisle at the store reading a magazine (Import Tuner, usually).
-the guy with a mix of metal, rap and classical on one CD.
-considered to be death on two legs to some of my friends, but am afraid to get in a confrontation.
-seriously interested in the sensation from taking another human beings life.
-someone who thinks putting on medieval armor and getting hit with sticks is fun.
-a decent cook.
-a decent driver.
-more well read than some, but not as much as I would like.
-an Import Racer.
I am all these things, and many more. But I am also the guy who tires of trying to think of what I am, and I’m a little embarassed about all the good things I said about myself.
I am the invisible woman…the overweight one no one even sees, though in my mind I’m still the skinny girl in the yearbook picture. I’m the one who looks like that girl you knew in college with the brown hair…the one who was cute and sweet…the hot one’s friend.
I’m the one who says “excuse me” when I sneeze…“I’m sorry” when it’s your fault…“It’s okay” when it’s relly, really not.
I’m the most loyal friend in the world, but I’m on no-one’s speed dial. I’m the one who stands in the middle of the crowded room, totally alone.
I’m the who is pretty much always happy, but can burst into tears in a moment at an unkind word. I’m kind, and sweet, and gentle and forgiving and generous to a fault. And I have a temper. And I think nasty thoughts about rude, obnoxious, ignorant people, and fantasize about death-ray-guns!
I’m the smart one who knows everything, but I feel so dumb about so much. I’m the one with the insatiable sex drive whose ex-husband told me I was frigid. I’m the one who wants to matter to someone. I’m the one talking on the phone for two hours a night to someone I met on the internet, but too afraid to meet him in person because no matter what he says about liking all kinds of bodies and women, I don’t want to see that look on his face, and then have to wait for the phone to never ring again.
I’m the girl with the strong moral values who is never unfaithful, but still took a lover before the divorce was final. I’m the girl whose ex calls her every other night to cry about his break-up with the woman he left me for…the one who tries to be a good mom, but is helpless to know how to solve her son’s problems…the girl with the teaching certificate whose daughter dropped out her senior year and whose son is flunking everything. The girl who can’t help being nice.
I’m the girl who goes out of her way to not be noticed, but is seemingly only happy when she’s in the spotlight. The one who sits back quietly in the middle of a large group, hoping for an opening to speak and dreading one at the same time. I am the girl who quitely congratulated herself on a good mark, while the girl next to her screamed excitedly about one half as good - I’m the one who knows that what you say isn’t what counts, but who you are. I’m the girl who has many aquaintences, but few friends. I’m the one who feels she is constantly misrepresenting herself to other people - the one who feels that if they knew what she really was, they wouldn’t want to be near her. I’m the one who spends her entire weekend listening to music and fantasizing, while her peers party the day away… I’m the girl who has grown up so fast she feels like her teenage years have already passed her by.
I’m the girl who thinks you are untrustable until you prove otherwise; and maybe even still then. I’m the girl who tells herself that she prefers her own company to other people’s, but will cry herself to sleep once she’s been alone too long. I’m the girl who keeps any somewhat private document under lock and key, and I am the one who will glare in distrust at anyone who dare step foot near them. I’m the girl who pushed away the only person she had ever loved her; I’m the girl that’s afraid to say they love someone back in fear that it’s all just a joke.
One minute, I am the girl that you would refer to as a people person. The next, I am the girl in black with a solemn look on her face, silently daring anyone to approach.
I am extremely withdrawn in groups, and need to be fought with to eat at parties when I’m not hungry. I love listening to other people talk about their problems, but refuse to complain about mine. I am always somewhat detached, and my hold on reality is sometimes a grudging one. I always let others win in games, because I can’t stand feeling as if I have hurt someone, even if I have not. I can’t stand being singled out for being better than everyone else - I prefer being insulted to being complimented.
I have been confused for a girl before. Women seem to think of me as someone interesting, and my entire Yearbook class gets into a minor uproar when I speak, because it’s such a rare occassion. I part my hair down the center, and am thinking about letting it grow out to chin-length because I’m in high school and this will be my last oppurtunity to be long-haired and idealistic.
I am very reserved, but get very passionate over certain things, like music or yogurt. I love languages, the arts and history, but think mathematics and the exact sciences as rather dull. I keep a journal, but only when I have something on my mind, and I write it in German just for fun (and for security).
I am skinny, but not emaciated. I have muscular legs but scrawny arms, and spidery, graceful fingers. I have intense blue-green eyes, and more than one person has commented on them. I wear only solid-colour, muted T-shirts and black pants, and don’t like dressing up in a penguin-suit, err, tuxedo, but like the idea of dressing in a black suit with a black T-shirt underneath and a black fedora on top.
And I previewed and rewrote this more than four times, which I think somewhat odd…
I’m a bitch
I’m a lover
I’m a child
I’m a mother
I’m a sinner
I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell
I’m you dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way
I’m a bitch
I’m a tease
I’m a goddess on my knees
When you’re hurt
When you suffer
I’m you’re angel undercover
I’m enough
I’m revived
Can’t say im not alive
You know i wouldn’t want it any other way*
Very accurate to me. And most women, I would imagine.
[sub][sup]*Thanks to Meridith Brooks[/sup][/sub]
