Me or the Mrs. I trust her to check with me on stuff I might want, and she trusts me back.
It works pretty well. Our house is huuuuge but contains the detritus of 5 generations of Mercotans and allied families. Much junk, some sentimental pieces (otherwise indistinguishable from junk) and a bit of treasure.
Where is the visual pollution involved in me keeping my Stetson in the original hatbox in my closet? Why does the box have to be thrown away, the hat now on some shelving in the same closet?
Where is the visual pollution in keeping extra tools on the pegboard in the garage (the garage empty enough so we can place both cars)?
Where’s the visual pollution in keeping the business files in a file cabinet in the garage? Why am I being told “Your file cabinet is kind of full - you might want to go through it and throw out what you don’t need”? You can’t see the files, only the filing cabinet.
I have a nightstand by the bed. God forbid I leave a book on it.
Sophia invites kids over all the time and, many times, they don’t like staying over because the place is so clean they can’t get comfortable. After 20+ years I’m used to it, but we have had major fights over what is to be thrown away and what isn’t. Like my childhood toolchest (given to me by my grandfather). Like DVD’s, stored in the armoire. “We need to purge the DVD’s.” “Why?” “Because there are too many of them?” “How many are there?” “Too many.” (Total number of DVD’s being stored: 34.)
And on and on and on.
Well… actually…
I have some antiques some relatives have dibs on, my niece is getting the heirloom book passed down through the family since the 19th Century, and one of my former coven members is interested in my occult library and some of the tools. There’s a couple of musical instruments that might of interest, too.
So yes, some of my “junk” is of interest to others, even though I’ve been “holding on to” it for decades. Admittedly, a lot of the rest of my junk IS junk and I fully expect my clothes to go to Goodwill upon my demise and, after my book collection is picked over, the remainder to go to the nearest local library.
I’m actually trying to cut down on the extra junk, but it’s a process for me.
I am generally the thrower-outer. If I want to get rid of something that belongs to my husband, or to both of us, I will ask him about it before getting rid of it.
I will throw away some of my 8-year-old’s stuff without asking her but she has hoarding tendencies so if I ask her she will say no. I don’t get rid of toys or stuffed animals or other important stuff, but things like broken dollar store toys? Chuck. I am sure later in life she will tell stories about how she was traumatized by her mother “throwing everything out” but honestly, I still leave her with a crap-ton of stuff.
The stuff you’re not actively using or referencing can probably be enjoyed now by the interested parties. Why do they need to wait for your demise in order to get use out of it? If it has utility to others now but remains on you shelf collecting dust then it’s not doing you or them any good. Why hold on to it?
For sure. But hold it in your hand and ask yourself if it makes you tingle with happiness.
I throw stuff of my wife’s away if she puts it in the wastebasket or other trash receptacle. Full stop. And she doesn’t try to throw away my stuff. If it’s stuff that’s ours rather than clearly belonging to just one of us, we talk about it. Seems simple enough.
I don’t throw away other people’s stuff, but dammit! Pack Rats drive me up a wall!
In my experience, pack rats tend to be women. Mostly because they know that when it comes time to move, some man will be the one moving the stuff.
My girlfriend and her sister have packed our garage tight with crap. And I mean crap! Stuff that only sees daylight when the box is opened and I ask if I can throw it out and I am told that it has special, irreplaceable value…then it goes back into the darkness until the next time we move.
Her sister insists on keeping a wall unit air conditioner. Not a window unit, a wall unit. She does not have the sleeve it slides into (the part that is mounted into the wall). It’s old and did not work that well in her old apartment. I tell her that it is worth nothing. She disagrees. She thinks that she can mount it into a window (or more to the point, get some fool to do it for her). I tell her the design makes that impractical. There would need to be bracket or shelf made to hold it and something fashioned for the window opening. Getting it made would not be cost-efficient. It would be cheaper (and more logical)to buy a new window unit. She refuses to throw it away because “I paid good money for that!”
She doesn’t get that someone else (an asshole called ‘me’) has had to lift and transport this thing twice so far, that it takes up space that we could use, it has no use in our current house, that no one would want to purchase it because they could get better very cheaply…
“It’s valuable!” NO, IT IS NOT!!! No one wants it. It has cost ME time, effort and space. Even if she tried to sell it, which she seems disinclined to do, no one would want it. That is true for a lot of items in a lot of garages.
Just because it’s old doesn’t make it valuable. It is not an antique. They made crap in the olden days too, ya know. If it it is not in working condition, it’s worth even less. “We’ll fix it up and sell it!” NO, YOU WON’T! The parts and expertise may no longer exist, and if they do, they will cost more than you get out if it. And if it is sitting in your garage, covered or boxed and out of the way and you don’t realize you still have it until it uncovered…than it is worse that worthless.
Resolved! If it is in a box and it will not, realistically, ever come out of the box, then it doesn’t really mean anything to you. Let it GO!
‘whew’
If your cohabitants stand idly by while you carry everything alone with the excuse that they can’t participate because they are women, that’s your own fault for going along with it. Just move the stuff you want to move and leave the rest behind. There is no biological reason for you to do all of the carrying.
I would have no less stuff even if I had no man to help me move it. Yeah, I can’t move a couch alone, but I help other people move all the time. I can carry half of any normal household item.
Yea, that’ll work out well for me.
Yes, but why are you saddling the people you leave behind with the chore of having to get rid of all the stuff you have accumulated for years? How much time, effort and expense are these people going to spend disposing of the things you should have gotten rid of long ago?
Its not fair.
I’m with you all the way here, BUT please don’t say, “men…”. My wife is a class 5 hoarder and if it wasn’t for me, we’d be living in waist-high piles of paper.
Getting rid of my stuff is my business. If and when it becomes theirs, that’s when it becomes their business, and they can do so as they wish. I don’t really care what it costs them, but if I die any time soon, it would be to their financial advantage, so there will be no out-of-pocket expense incurred by throwing away my possessions.
The idea that I should feel any obligation to reduce my property for imagined benefit to future heirs is absurd.
Is that because you have an unhealthy attachment to physical belongings, or because you have trouble being flexible in relationships? 
Because for the most part I’m still using it, how’s that? The antique spinning wheel, for example, I do use and my spouse is actually experimenting with it now. Ditto for pretty much everything else I mentioned. I have considered selling my flute, I sure could use the money, but I’m not sure if I’m done using it for the rest of my life or not. I’m still using the occult library and tools because I haven’t stopped being a NeoPagan and probably won’t before my demise.
Good point. That’s probably why my dad gave me his cherry-wood desk when he downsized after mom died - he was done using it and I’ve been in line for it for quite some time. Now I’m using it as a computer table/desk. My nephew, who does wood-working as a hobby, might inherit it from me since it’s a solid cherry wood desk with no plastic bits (it pre-dates plastic other than things like bakelite) so he appreciates the workmanship and history in it. Or maybe he’ll repurpose the wood, really, after I’m gone I can’t control what happens to it.
Oh, I am - about four times a year I purse the clothes and the bookshelves. I’ve pared down my kitchen equipment to about a fourth of what I used to have. I give away yarn and tools to people wanting to learn to knit or crochet or whatever. Sending things on to a new, useful life in fact does make me “tingle with happiness”.
I do have a few purely nostalgic things - photographs and small keepsakes from dead relatives and friends that help me remember them. I keep those for me, again, what happens after I’m gone I can’t control.
Personally, I got over that hump by discovering the joys of recycling. When I discovered that a busted-up appliance was worth money at the scrappers it suddenly got a whole lot easier to get rid of it.
That may or may not work for other people.
^ This.
Of course, in my household, with the man being disabled, it’s the “little woman” who winds up doing all the heavy hauling.
Stuff that’s “mine” (tools, bbq supplies, clothes) or “hers” (clothes, kitchen stuff) we each deal with ourselves. Stuff that is more in common either of us can handle. Mistakes may happen sometimes but neither of us “holds a grudge” if it does.
Wow.
Do Not Take the Following Advice Seriously
So, you can’t taser him, cuff him, grab him by the hair on the back of his head and say,
“Bad…! Bad Spouse!”
rub their nose in the eggshells, used tissues, and stuff a week old thrown out from the fridge thats on/next to your ruined stuff
“Bad Spouse! Nooo…? Nooo…? Bad Spouse!”
repeat until there is whimpering and they hide under the bed
repeat treatment every time they throw out your things
Ok, don’t do any of that please. Never mind.
Yeah, my wife’s a hoarder, too. The only thing saving her from living with flat cats is the fact that she’s unbelievably frugal, and therefore won’t ever own enough stuff to flatten dead cats.
The big issue isn’t who throws out what. The big issue is when one spouse is doing something that upsets the other.
The only thing my wife won’t hoard is my farts.