The last time that happened to us, I endured it for a while, then stood up and screamed at those people. It was not like me, to say the least, but NOISE kind of shatters my brain.
We also hate live music. If we walk into a restaurant and see musicians, we go right out again.
There’s been a trend in restaurant decor over the last decade or so, towards open/exposed ceilings, hard (concrete or laminate) floors instead of carpeting, etc, as well as the “open concept” room with no partitions, as you mention.
I’m sure that the interior designers for the restaurants make those choices because those are looks which feel modern, and keep the restaurant from feeling dated – but those choices also remove some of the traditional decor features which help to muffle sound, and keep even normal conversation from echoing around the room.
I have partial hearing loss, and it’s particularly difficult for me to hear conversation in an environment like that.
With regards to radio/canned not live music, I have heard from one small restaurant I was here in Germany: “sorry, I’ll turn it down a bit - the cook wants it loud on the kitchen loudspeaker and we do not have separate volume control”.
Anecdote ≠ data, but I wonder if sometimes loud music is what staff put on for themselves.
This must be a very shoddy restaurant that doesn’t separate the sound system for the guests and the kitchen staff.
The same applies to the thermostat. Often the only way to achieve a survivable temp in the kitchen is to turn the front of house into a icebox.
Those places I walk right back out of too.
You forgot the third and fourth most likely culprits:
I think that’s the major issue. Venues leap on the prestige that accompanies live music without actually considering if that’s what their typical customer actually wants. Small restaurant owners/operators are particularly susceptible to this disconnect between what’s stylish and what is actually in demand.
A few things…
I am a musician. I have been paid to be a musician many times. One summer, I made it on the Dr. Demento Funny Five!!!
Most of what I have done in the past have been late, paying (by door or cover) gigs with a professional sound tech with a professional sound system. Those were, by far, the loudest gigs I have ever played. However, WE were the reason folks were there, and the places were (generally) not restaurants.
In my older years, I have taken to playing the Fat-Old-Man-on-a-Stool gigs mentioned upthread. “Peaceful, Easy Feeling” is one of my mom’s faves, although if she isn’t there, I am not playing it. It’s boring as fuck.
My setup used to consist of a couple JLM PAs and a six-channel powered mixer. Nothing crazy. I’ve since upgraded to a Harbinger “stick” PA, which allows EVEN LOWER volume with better room carry. That was on purpose.
No one is there to see this ogre warble out another of the same-old shit. I know that. Sometimes, I play some of my filthy parodies to see if the (age-appropriate) audience is listening, but otherwise, I stick to the list, politely take requests, allow audience members to grab a mic, and dog-willing, if the audience sings along, soak it in for the joy it brings. Live music CAN be wonderful, and engaging, and sometimes, it creates special moments.
All that being said, having pretended to be a rock star for the better part of my 20s, my tinnitus is dreadful. As I sit here, right now, with a front blowing through, it sounds like a lifeguard is on my porch blowing a whistle at me. It’s ever-present, and it sucks. Background noise makes it way worse.
Recently, my wife and I were at a wedding, and when the music started, the DJ had it at “Who Concert” levels, and we were RIGHT beside the damned speaker. Beyond that, it was all “New Country,” which sucks. We ate and left. It was also in a barn, because that is where they would get the best pics for their instas, or something… I really can’t stand most young people.
So, I get it. If I see a busker with a guitar on a sidewalk, that person is getting some of my money. Music, and the performance of it, speaks to everyone. And for me, unless it is abjectly terrible, I support it. It takes brass balls to get in front of a crowd and put your shit on the line. Trust me.
I hate loud music too! I actually carry earplugs in a small container in my pocket, and take them everywhere.
I like loud music…when I’m there to listen to loud music.
PSA: The prices used to be north of $50. I just bought 2 pairs at Amazon of somewhat uncertain quality (good reviews notwithstanding) for $10.
I was only addressing volume levels, not the appropriateness of venues. We’ll turn down any gig that doesn’t seem appropriate for what we do. It’s not fair to the audience, and it’s not worth the hassle. But, if we do agree to play a show, we are ultimately responsible for our volume levels. We play everywhere from backyard parties to stadiums and we are well aware that we have to adjust accordingly. Pros are usually mindful of this. Amateurs will wheel in an amphitheater’s worth of equipment into a bowling alley lounge, crank it up, then wonder why everyone is leaving, and also why they never seem to get called back. 
These are both stereotypes, and they generally apply to amateurs. And unfortunately, amateurs get hired by a lot of places because they are the only ones willing to accept the pittance a lot of these places are willing to pay. The last thing we would ever want to do is blow out a crowd, even at venues that expect loud music. Our stage volume is remarkably quiet because we actually like to be able to hear each other. We often tell people, “if you want us louder or quieter, tell that guy over there” and we point to our sound engineer. He’s experienced enough to know what an appropriate volume is for the venue.
I think most wedding receptions fall into this category. Some people for sure will be on the dance floor all night, but at many weddings I like to mingle and enjoy conversation with people I may not have seen in some time. It’s annoying when the only way to do that is stand right next to them and essentially yell in their ear.
Overly loud music seems to have taken over tattoo parlours too. I’ve been wanting a new tattoo, but I’m shy, to ask on the phone, “Like, how loud is the music there?”
But, honestly, really loud music is very anxious causing for me. And that’s not helpful when sitting through a tattoo.
The odds of the live music being music I like is next to zero, but it’s even worse when it is a song I like, I don’t want to here a shitty cover of a John Prine song.
Try going to a baseball game nowadays. A little bit of baseball in between the overly loud “music.”
Years ago at a solo show, Pete Townshend talked about an overly-loud guitarist playing a wedding reception at his hotel.
“The guy had a f**king ego…he’s in the ballroom and it’s all you can hear in the whole of La Jolla!”
After a moment of reflection he reconsidered.
“In a way it was like divine retribution for me. Whenever I’m subjected to loud noise I think, ‘Well yeah, okay God, I get it. I was noisy too.’”
This is mostly why. Live music generally sucks. Studio music can be cleaned up, edited, all the separate instrament tracks and vocals adjusted and blended.
When it is live you can hear the guitar player missing chords, the singer sounding like a frog is in his throat, the missed drum beats, and the whole of a song that you thought you liked is terrible. So the sound gets cranked up so you don’t hear the flaws. Most bands are really lousy live.
The song ends up sounding a bit like the song you used to like before you heard it in person, only too loud to appreciate.
Yes and No…high quality venues, with high quality bands? Fabulous…I gave up on stadium rock concerts many years ago, 80s maybe?.. head splittingly loud etc…then I was given a free ticket to a Robert Plant show at the Santa Barbara bowl, a small venue, but I had never been there, even after living here since the 70s. Figured it would be another headache evening.
I didn’t really know what to expect, but it really blew my mind. His band was extremely capable, they did old Led Zeppelin “covers” and then new Robert Plant songs. Pretty loud, but so crisp and clear, super tight…one of the best shows I’ve ever seen. After that, somewhat emboldened I saw Brian Wilson there, a few years back, they played the whole of Pet Sounds, and many oldies. Backing band really covering for Brian, who was just sort of hanging out. Still, sounded like the old surfing records of my youth. Note for note. Good Vibrations to close was almost a religious experience!! Billy Strings was next, (I had just discovered him and here he was in SB) but THAT was a bit crazy…really loud, intense, non stop…pretty much fried my brains..and bluegrass no less.
I do hate loud music in bars and restaurants tho, cant talk, pretty stupid to endure that…so I don’t.